#PNCBank #NamingRights #RaisingChildren #CostOfRaisingChildren #parents #children
A child graduates from his or her school.
Instead of announcing him or her by name as he or she gets a diploma, the master of ceremonies announces the name of the company who bought the rights to that child’s name. The parents in the audience cheer.
Farfetched? PNC Bank is using that scenario in an ad to show how desperate parents are to cover the cost of raising children.
PNC Bank, of course, suggests better ways to improve a family’s financial position.
The idea of selling the rights to a person’s name to a company comes from the naming of stadiums and arenas, where sponsorship makes more sense.
But the ad highlights a deeper problem. It’s getting more difficult financially to raise children today than in past decades.
On top of that, it’s getting more difficult for those children, once they become adults, to leave home because they are not making enough money to live independently.
In past decades, it was a parent’s goal for his or her children to live better than he or she did.
Today, for many generations, that is almost impossible.
The cost of food, energy, housing etc. has gotten out of reach for many people, regardless of background.
Raising a child requires a lot of investment. If they play sports, or participate in other activities, there are often big costs involved. You want your children to pursue activities in which they have skills and interests. Even if they don’t have great skills in those activities, parents recognize that the social interaction, teamwork lessons etc., can be valuable to a child as they grow into adults.
You also want them to feel the joy of holidays with gifts, which also can be expensive.
When you add those things to the necessities of life, even before a post-high-school education, raising a child can drain a family’s finances. When the parents of that child also want to save for their own retirement, in an age in which employer retirement plans are few, dicey financial decisions abound.
As they grow, children can learn to help their families cover their activities through part-time jobs etc. But, if that child plans to pursue higher education, parents will want that child’s earned money to go to that purpose.
Of course, as PNC says, it’s better for a family to have a financial plan with a good adviser the family trusts.
But it’s difficult to blame parents for trying creative ideas to enhance the family’s financial position.
Hard work, good behavior and good character are still the cornerstones of any child’s success.
The toughest parenting job may be to keep the child from getting discouraged when he or she does everything right, yet still doesn’t achieve what he or she wants.
The solution here is to have a plan early in a child’s life, in which savings can accumulate and earn dividends over time, then spending it very selectively at the correct intervals of a child’s life.
If a family is fortunate enough, it can create a separate fund for the parents’ retirement.
Of course, either of those is easier said than done.
But, with some creativity, good advice and discipline, it can be possible.
Peter
Tag Archives: children
BECOME AN EFFECTIVE PERSON BY LEARNING COMMON SENSE
#parents #parenting #children #ChildRearing #independence #CommonSense
A mother complained to behavioral consultant Scott Ervin that her academically talented teen daughter seems to have no common sense.
She couldn’t understand how a kid couldn’t apply her book smarts to real-world activities.
Ervin basically told the mother that the teen needed to experience the real world without her parents.
Ervin discussed the interaction in a column published May 24, 2025, in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
What Ervin is saying is that common sense is not learned in a book. It is learned by trial and error.
He’s also saying that common sense cannot be taught by parents, teachers or anyone else. The student has to acquire it independently.
This interaction calls to mind the concept of “helicopter” parents, who hover over their children’s lives well into adulthood. In the guise of being “helpful,” these parents end up taking an outsized role in all of their child’s decisions.
Also, the interaction brings to the fore the idea that parents have to let go of their children by a certain age.
Many children grow up in overly restrictive households, with way too many rules imposed upon them.
They have no way to get out to learn common sense. Their “sense” is dictated to them.
Children need space to make mistakes. Mistakes are the learning tools for common sense.
No parent wants a child to make a fatal mistake, or a mistake they will pay for the rest of their lives. Still, they need some freedom to learn on their own.
Parents may not want their children interacting with certain other children, or certain other adults.
But, those interactions often turn into positive learning experiences. They could broaden the child’s mind, perhaps beyond the point mom and dad want it broadened.
Parents want children to be obedient, not defiant. However, some defiance can be healthy for a child. It can teach them that some of what they are being taught may not be in their own best interest, even if it is in mom and dad’s best interest.
As author and leadership expert Andy Andrews has said, good parenting is not raising good kids. It is developing good adults. Being a good adult may mean, in some cases, not being like your parents, as the Dr. Rick commercials muse.
The process of growing and maturing must be a healthy combination of good parenting, a healthy bit of independence and exposure to good and bad experiences.
Some things that parents view as mistakes can benefit the child over time. Some of what parents view as “accomplishments” can be meaningless, or even detrimental, to the child over time.
As Ervin advises, give the child his or her own space and time to learn common sense on their own. They will become better adults for it.
Peter
A mother complained to behavioral consultant Scott Ervin that her academically talented teen daughter seems to have no common sense.
She couldn’t understand how a kid couldn’t apply her book smarts to real-world activities.
Ervin basically told the mother that the teen needed to experience the real world without her parents.
Ervin discussed the interaction in a column published May 24, 2025, in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
What Ervin is saying is that common sense is not learned in a book. It is learned by trial and error.
He’s also saying that common sense cannot be taught by parents, teachers or anyone else. The student has to acquire it independently.
This interaction calls to mind the concept of “helicopter” parents, who hover over their children’s lives well into adulthood. In the guise of being “helpful,” these parents end up taking an outsized role in all of their child’s decisions.
Also, the interaction brings to the fore the idea that parents have to let go of their children by a certain age.
Many children grow up in overly restrictive households, with way too many rules imposed upon them.
They have no way to get out to learn common sense. Their “sense” is dictated to them.
Children need space to make mistakes. Mistakes are the learning tools for common sense.
No parent wants a child to make a fatal mistake, or a mistake they will pay for the rest of their lives. Still, they need some freedom to learn on their own.
Parents may not want their children interacting with certain other children, or certain other adults.
But, those interactions often turn into positive learning experiences. They could broaden the child’s mind, perhaps beyond the point mom and dad want it broadened.
Parents want children to be obedient, not defiant. However, some defiance can be healthy for a child. It can teach them that some of what they are being taught may not be in their own best interest, even if it is in mom and dad’s best interest.
As author and leadership expert Andy Andrews has said, good parenting is not raising good kids. It is developing good adults. Being a good adult may mean, in some cases, not being like your parents, as the Dr. Rick commercials muse.
The process of growing and maturing must be a healthy combination of good parenting, a healthy bit of independence and exposure to good and bad experiences.
Some things that parents view as mistakes can benefit the child over time. Some of what parents view as “accomplishments” can be meaningless, or even detrimental, to the child over time.
As Ervin advises, give the child his or her own space and time to learn common sense on their own. They will become better adults for it.
Peter
HAVE MORE BABIES? WHO’S GOING TO PAY FOR THEM?
#natalists #babies #children #MothersDay #HavingMoreChildren
We just celebrated Mother’s Day.
Certain people want more mothers. Or, more accurately, more children.
Nedra Rhone, the “Real Life” columnist for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, cites a lot of reasons women don’t have children, or as many children, as some would like. She discussed the issue in her May 8, 2025, column.
As Rhone, who happens to be a mother, points out, there are many reasons women don’t have children. She also says that some women may want children, but circumstances haven’t allowed them to have them.
In fact, the U.S. population, as is the case with most developed countries, is aging. People are not “replacing themselves” at a rate that keeps the population growing.
We want the population to grow for many reasons, including having enough workers to replace those who retire.
But this natalist movement appears aimed at creating children that only fit a certain demographic.
Immigrants can bolster the work force, and have lots of children, but most don’t match the desired demographic.
The elephant in the room, of course, is the cost of children. Rhone points out that it costs about $200,000 to raise a child from birth to age 18.
Not everyone has that kind of money, or the ability and opportunity to earn that much.
Women are a significant boost to the work force, but the natalists prefer women to stay home and raise children. Again, not every woman has the luxury, opportunity or desire to do that.
Then, as Rhone points out, some women don’t really want to bring children into the world as it currently is. What she doesn’t talk about in her column is what happens to children when they become adults.
With the cost of living, housing etc. as it is, many young adults cannot afford to live on their own, never mind starting a family. They often live with mom and dad long after age 18. Some are burdened with student debt. Some just can’t find work that pays enough to live independently.
The natalist and pro-life movements want children to be born at any cost – even if the mother dies doing so. But, they offer no means to ensure these children are properly fed, clothed, housed, educated and otherwise taken care of.
Many other countries do take care of their children. The citizens may pay dearly in taxes for it, but, to them, it’s well worth it.
These natalists say they love individual freedom. That is, unless you are a woman of child-bearing age. Would you want to have more children if you live in a place in which your medical providers are severely restricted in how they can care for you during and around your pregnancy?
This should not be a matter of debate. People should have the freedom to start and grow families as they see fit – or not.
The natalists can do much more to encourage more births by giving women – and men – the resources to be able to work AND tend to families, without unwanted sacrifices.
Being pro-life means not only encouraging life’s creation, but also making it easier for both parents and children to sustain a quality of life.
Peter
We just celebrated Mother’s Day.
Certain people want more mothers. Or, more accurately, more children.
Nedra Rhone, the “Real Life” columnist for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, cites a lot of reasons women don’t have children, or as many children, as some would like. She discussed the issue in her May 8, 2025, column.
As Rhone, who happens to be a mother, points out, there are many reasons women don’t have children. She also says that some women may want children, but circumstances haven’t allowed them to have them.
In fact, the U.S. population, as is the case with most developed countries, is aging. People are not “replacing themselves” at a rate that keeps the population growing.
We want the population to grow for many reasons, including having enough workers to replace those who retire.
But this natalist movement appears aimed at creating children that only fit a certain demographic.
Immigrants can bolster the work force, and have lots of children, but most don’t match the desired demographic.
The elephant in the room, of course, is the cost of children. Rhone points out that it costs about $200,000 to raise a child from birth to age 18.
Not everyone has that kind of money, or the ability and opportunity to earn that much.
Women are a significant boost to the work force, but the natalists prefer women to stay home and raise children. Again, not every woman has the luxury, opportunity or desire to do that.
Then, as Rhone points out, some women don’t really want to bring children into the world as it currently is. What she doesn’t talk about in her column is what happens to children when they become adults.
With the cost of living, housing etc. as it is, many young adults cannot afford to live on their own, never mind starting a family. They often live with mom and dad long after age 18. Some are burdened with student debt. Some just can’t find work that pays enough to live independently.
The natalist and pro-life movements want children to be born at any cost – even if the mother dies doing so. But, they offer no means to ensure these children are properly fed, clothed, housed, educated and otherwise taken care of.
Many other countries do take care of their children. The citizens may pay dearly in taxes for it, but, to them, it’s well worth it.
These natalists say they love individual freedom. That is, unless you are a woman of child-bearing age. Would you want to have more children if you live in a place in which your medical providers are severely restricted in how they can care for you during and around your pregnancy?
This should not be a matter of debate. People should have the freedom to start and grow families as they see fit – or not.
The natalists can do much more to encourage more births by giving women – and men – the resources to be able to work AND tend to families, without unwanted sacrifices.
Being pro-life means not only encouraging life’s creation, but also making it easier for both parents and children to sustain a quality of life.
Peter
LET CHILDREN BE AS INDEPENDENT AS POSSIBLE
#children #IndependentChildren #SeeSomethingSaySomething #AdultSupervision
A boy, 11, walks to the store alone, about a mile from his home in North Georgia.
A neighbor sees him without an adult and reports his mother to authorities.
The mother is arrested.
The boy was not in danger and was not doing anything wrong.
In decades past, giving children some independence was not only allowed but encouraged.
Those of a certain age remember being dismissed from the house on Saturday or summer mornings and told not to come back until lunchtime.
No parents were watching them. They could, essentially, do what they wanted, with whom they wanted and go wherever their legs could take them for a few hours.
If they got in trouble, they paid for it later. If they got lost, they had to find their way back home.
Today’s climate requires, in many cases, more scrutiny of children. There is much more trouble they could get into today than children could in the past.
More prevalent today are pitfalls of drugs, violence, gangs and even non-custodial parents that could pose a threat to children.
In the North Georgia case, those pitfalls may have been less of a threat.
As discussed last week, it’s difficult to be an independent person today, even as a young adult. It’s difficult to create a life without help.
Does the lack of independence as a child contribute to that phenomenon? That’s a difficult question.
Make no mistake. It’s important for neighbors to look out for each other. If you see something wrong or threatening, say something.
It’s also important that if you see nothing wrong or threatening to mind one’s own business.
Authorities should judge reports of child neglect carefully. Perhaps, if they are called to a scene, they should be inclined to watch the child for a time to see whether there is a problem. If they see no problem, they, too, should drive away.
If they see something that may be amiss, it’s OK to ask the child whether everything is OK.
If the child says yes, and they still suspect something, keep watching.
Children have to learn to navigate life on their own, even at a young age. They also should learn to be aware of their surroundings, know the risks and dangers of certain activities and know what or who would be a threat to their well-being.
Small risks are OK. Skinned knees are not life-threatening. And being encouraged to take small risks can encourage them to take bigger risks as adults. Life is not without risk and parents need to help prevent risk aversion as their kids grow.
The lesson here is to let kids be as independent as possible within their confines. Neighbors should be watchful but not intrusive.
We all benefit when independent children become fully independent adults.
Peter
A boy, 11, walks to the store alone, about a mile from his home in North Georgia.
A neighbor sees him without an adult and reports his mother to authorities.
The mother is arrested.
The boy was not in danger and was not doing anything wrong.
In decades past, giving children some independence was not only allowed but encouraged.
Those of a certain age remember being dismissed from the house on Saturday or summer mornings and told not to come back until lunchtime.
No parents were watching them. They could, essentially, do what they wanted, with whom they wanted and go wherever their legs could take them for a few hours.
If they got in trouble, they paid for it later. If they got lost, they had to find their way back home.
Today’s climate requires, in many cases, more scrutiny of children. There is much more trouble they could get into today than children could in the past.
More prevalent today are pitfalls of drugs, violence, gangs and even non-custodial parents that could pose a threat to children.
In the North Georgia case, those pitfalls may have been less of a threat.
As discussed last week, it’s difficult to be an independent person today, even as a young adult. It’s difficult to create a life without help.
Does the lack of independence as a child contribute to that phenomenon? That’s a difficult question.
Make no mistake. It’s important for neighbors to look out for each other. If you see something wrong or threatening, say something.
It’s also important that if you see nothing wrong or threatening to mind one’s own business.
Authorities should judge reports of child neglect carefully. Perhaps, if they are called to a scene, they should be inclined to watch the child for a time to see whether there is a problem. If they see no problem, they, too, should drive away.
If they see something that may be amiss, it’s OK to ask the child whether everything is OK.
If the child says yes, and they still suspect something, keep watching.
Children have to learn to navigate life on their own, even at a young age. They also should learn to be aware of their surroundings, know the risks and dangers of certain activities and know what or who would be a threat to their well-being.
Small risks are OK. Skinned knees are not life-threatening. And being encouraged to take small risks can encourage them to take bigger risks as adults. Life is not without risk and parents need to help prevent risk aversion as their kids grow.
The lesson here is to let kids be as independent as possible within their confines. Neighbors should be watchful but not intrusive.
We all benefit when independent children become fully independent adults.
Peter
WORLD IS GETTING OLD — LITERALLY
#aging #demographics #BeingYoung #BeingOld #children #families
China, Japan and other countries are seeing their populations age.
The U.S. is also heading in that direction.
How and why is this happening? People are getting old and dying, but fewer young people are having children to make up for it.
There are all kinds of blame for this to go around. China, for example, once had a one-child policy to control overpopulation, as many of its baby girls were sent elsewhere for adoption.
That policy apparently is now backfiring on the Chinese.
In the U.S. and other developed countries, more young people are putting off having children, or even getting married.
The largest percentage of college students in the U.S. is women, implying that women suddenly are more interested in establishing careers than motherhood.
There are reasons for this. First, many marriages do not last, and women do not want to be left with no way to make a living if a marriage fails.
Second, if a marriage survives, or, even, thrives, two incomes are needed to build a decent life.
Even with two incomes, young people are paying a lot more for necessities than their parents or grandparents did.
Housing, no matter where it is, is in short supply and is expensive. Food costs a lot more than it once did. Consider how the price of eggs affected the last presidential election.
So, being a young person in his or her 20s just beginning adulthood is not necessarily an enviable place. These circumstances have older people celebrating that they are old.
The biggest family expense may be children. They need to be fed, clothed, kept healthy and educated. Even in countries in which the government helps considerably with those expenses, it’s still difficult for young people to have and support families.
In countries in which the government declines to provide sufficient help to families, the challenge is much more difficult.
When both parents work, children need to be cared for. Such childcare often goes unsubsidized, so the parents decide whether one of their jobs is worth that expense. If the answer is no, they are likely to put off having children or quit a job and suffer financially.
Longing for past eras, in which partners played specific family roles, will not bring back those old days.
In short, countries are aging because it is difficult to be young today. If governments want their demographics to improve, they must take action to help young families. It’s great to give young people the freedom to create their own lives, but, today, more often than not, they can’t do it without help.
Moms and dads are finding their financial ties to their children last well into adulthood. This may prevent some from living out their elder years the way they would like.
When mom and dad are gone, their children may miss that support.
So, countries will continue to age. They will continue to struggle finding young workers. They’ll continue to see many family units with only one or two people, and no or few children.
If it’s seen as a problem now, time will only make it worse unless some intervention occurs.
Trying to bring back life from decades past is not a solution. Governments will have to adjust policies to make and grow young families.
If they don’t, the old will continue to age and the young will continue to struggle.
Peter
China, Japan and other countries are seeing their populations age.
The U.S. is also heading in that direction.
How and why is this happening? People are getting old and dying, but fewer young people are having children to make up for it.
There are all kinds of blame for this to go around. China, for example, once had a one-child policy to control overpopulation, as many of its baby girls were sent elsewhere for adoption.
That policy apparently is now backfiring on the Chinese.
In the U.S. and other developed countries, more young people are putting off having children, or even getting married.
The largest percentage of college students in the U.S. is women, implying that women suddenly are more interested in establishing careers than motherhood.
There are reasons for this. First, many marriages do not last, and women do not want to be left with no way to make a living if a marriage fails.
Second, if a marriage survives, or, even, thrives, two incomes are needed to build a decent life.
Even with two incomes, young people are paying a lot more for necessities than their parents or grandparents did.
Housing, no matter where it is, is in short supply and is expensive. Food costs a lot more than it once did. Consider how the price of eggs affected the last presidential election.
So, being a young person in his or her 20s just beginning adulthood is not necessarily an enviable place. These circumstances have older people celebrating that they are old.
The biggest family expense may be children. They need to be fed, clothed, kept healthy and educated. Even in countries in which the government helps considerably with those expenses, it’s still difficult for young people to have and support families.
In countries in which the government declines to provide sufficient help to families, the challenge is much more difficult.
When both parents work, children need to be cared for. Such childcare often goes unsubsidized, so the parents decide whether one of their jobs is worth that expense. If the answer is no, they are likely to put off having children or quit a job and suffer financially.
Longing for past eras, in which partners played specific family roles, will not bring back those old days.
In short, countries are aging because it is difficult to be young today. If governments want their demographics to improve, they must take action to help young families. It’s great to give young people the freedom to create their own lives, but, today, more often than not, they can’t do it without help.
Moms and dads are finding their financial ties to their children last well into adulthood. This may prevent some from living out their elder years the way they would like.
When mom and dad are gone, their children may miss that support.
So, countries will continue to age. They will continue to struggle finding young workers. They’ll continue to see many family units with only one or two people, and no or few children.
If it’s seen as a problem now, time will only make it worse unless some intervention occurs.
Trying to bring back life from decades past is not a solution. Governments will have to adjust policies to make and grow young families.
If they don’t, the old will continue to age and the young will continue to struggle.
Peter
VIOLENCE, RELIGION A VOLATILE MIX
#violence #religion #Christianity #Christians #TeachingsOfJesus
Christianity teaches us to love thy neighbor as thyself.
But there are many people who say they are Christians who support, even encourage, violence against others.
Perhaps they believe that violence, for the right cause, is just, even ordained by God.
Certainly, history teaches us about wars fought over religion. We saw Protestants and Catholics fight in Northern Irelands a few decades ago. Many relics of that fighting remain in Northern Ireland today. Even though the fight was not over religion per se, most of those who were loyal to the British crown were Protestant, and most of those who wanted Ireland united as a separate republic were Catholic.
Today, the majority of people in Northern Ireland are Catholic, according to tour guides. Peace prevails there today, but few believe the country will remain peaceful forever. The fear of more “troubles,” as they call them, is prevalent.
In the U.S., some Christians feel they are “under attack,” from those who are not like them.
They believe they have to fight, with whatever weapons necessary, to regain “their” country.
The U.S. has always been a melting pot of religions, nationalities, races etc. So, what the Christians who feel under attack want is power – and they want to subjugate all others to their way of life.
People are entitled to believe what they believe, live however they want, as long as they don’t harm others, or interfere in others’ lives. But, some actually want to interfere in the lives of others, whom they see as not believing what they believe.
There is also the adage “live and let live.”
That means you pay no attention to lifestyles that don’t conform to yours, as long as practitioners of those lifestyles don’t bother you.
An effort to keep children away from those their parents hate can be futile, if the child grows to deviate from his or parents’ beliefs.
You can’t stop others from being themselves using force. It will not be a long-term solution, if you are inclined to feel that way. Today, the internet and social media provide many ways for like-minded people to gather, communicate and socialize.
The children WILL grow to find a way to be who they are, regardless of parental restrictions.
Sometimes, the more a parent interferes in his or her child’s life, the more distant those children become from their parents.
If you are a Christian who feels under attack, ask yourself whether Jesus would behave the way you do. Many things you may oppose were not around in Jesus’ time, or, at least, they were not done openly.
Regardless, Jesus never espoused hatred in any form. His teachings would tell us, or should tell us, to embrace differences among us and live in peace.
Many who want the Ten Commandments posted in every public school classroom would do well to abide by all those commandments.
Peter
Christianity teaches us to love thy neighbor as thyself.
But there are many people who say they are Christians who support, even encourage, violence against others.
Perhaps they believe that violence, for the right cause, is just, even ordained by God.
Certainly, history teaches us about wars fought over religion. We saw Protestants and Catholics fight in Northern Irelands a few decades ago. Many relics of that fighting remain in Northern Ireland today. Even though the fight was not over religion per se, most of those who were loyal to the British crown were Protestant, and most of those who wanted Ireland united as a separate republic were Catholic.
Today, the majority of people in Northern Ireland are Catholic, according to tour guides. Peace prevails there today, but few believe the country will remain peaceful forever. The fear of more “troubles,” as they call them, is prevalent.
In the U.S., some Christians feel they are “under attack,” from those who are not like them.
They believe they have to fight, with whatever weapons necessary, to regain “their” country.
The U.S. has always been a melting pot of religions, nationalities, races etc. So, what the Christians who feel under attack want is power – and they want to subjugate all others to their way of life.
People are entitled to believe what they believe, live however they want, as long as they don’t harm others, or interfere in others’ lives. But, some actually want to interfere in the lives of others, whom they see as not believing what they believe.
There is also the adage “live and let live.”
That means you pay no attention to lifestyles that don’t conform to yours, as long as practitioners of those lifestyles don’t bother you.
An effort to keep children away from those their parents hate can be futile, if the child grows to deviate from his or parents’ beliefs.
You can’t stop others from being themselves using force. It will not be a long-term solution, if you are inclined to feel that way. Today, the internet and social media provide many ways for like-minded people to gather, communicate and socialize.
The children WILL grow to find a way to be who they are, regardless of parental restrictions.
Sometimes, the more a parent interferes in his or her child’s life, the more distant those children become from their parents.
If you are a Christian who feels under attack, ask yourself whether Jesus would behave the way you do. Many things you may oppose were not around in Jesus’ time, or, at least, they were not done openly.
Regardless, Jesus never espoused hatred in any form. His teachings would tell us, or should tell us, to embrace differences among us and live in peace.
Many who want the Ten Commandments posted in every public school classroom would do well to abide by all those commandments.
Peter
WHAT ‘;SHOULD BE’ AND WHAT ‘IS’ IN LIFE
#marriage #divorce #children #HowLifeShouldBe #dreams #goals
The song came out in 1971.
The lyrics talked of marriage, divorce and how we were all taught about what life “should be.”
Carly Simon’s “That’s the Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be” had an eerie melody and profound lyrics.
During that decade, most people were told to go to college, get a career, settle down, get married and have children.
The lessons date to when parents of those young people were young themselves. Though they may not have gone to college, their parents taught them to get a good job, settle down, get married and have kids.
Some in the 1970s rebelled at such a life. They went off to “find themselves.” They actually fought, so as not to become like their parents.
Even though their parents likely gave them a good upbringing and a memorable childhood, they did not want to become like them.
They felt such a life was confining, too routine and even prisonlike.
They wanted to be “free.” They wanted to see the world. They wanted to explore new things.
Certainly, some, as Simon’s song points out, did what they were taught. But, the result was lots of fighting, even divorce.
It’s often difficult for some people, young or older, to figure out who they are and what they want.
For others, there was no question.
For some of those indecisive folks, they’ll know who they are and what they want when it comes to them. It’s as if they are waiting for a message from above to guide them.
For the more decisive, it’s a matter of doing what one needs to do to get what one wants. Often, that can take time and lots of effort. Plus, much like for the indecisive, things have to go right along the way. Good fortune comes to those who prepare to receive it.
The lesson here is not to necessarily dismiss what your parents taught you, but to compile those teachings with a body of your own thoughts.
Sometimes, some things will just feel right. Other times, that right feeling has to be created.
Another important lesson is to enjoy the journey of life. You probably won’t remember how you were at the end of the journey, but you will certainly remember the milestones along the way.
A third lesson is to prepare for your entire life. Decisions one makes when he or she is young will benefit – or not – what happens to him or her in later years. Every thought or action should involve thoughts of how that thought or action will impact one’s future.
So, as the Simon song laments, don’t necessarily be what you always heard you should be. Find what pleases you. Create goals and a path to get to them. Things may happen for a reason you don’t know at the time, so react properly to them to stay on, or get back to, your path to success.
Your path always may not be in a straight line. Some of those twists and turns can be beneficial. Regardless, they should always be memorable.
Peter
The song came out in 1971.
The lyrics talked of marriage, divorce and how we were all taught about what life “should be.”
Carly Simon’s “That’s the Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be” had an eerie melody and profound lyrics.
During that decade, most people were told to go to college, get a career, settle down, get married and have children.
The lessons date to when parents of those young people were young themselves. Though they may not have gone to college, their parents taught them to get a good job, settle down, get married and have kids.
Some in the 1970s rebelled at such a life. They went off to “find themselves.” They actually fought, so as not to become like their parents.
Even though their parents likely gave them a good upbringing and a memorable childhood, they did not want to become like them.
They felt such a life was confining, too routine and even prisonlike.
They wanted to be “free.” They wanted to see the world. They wanted to explore new things.
Certainly, some, as Simon’s song points out, did what they were taught. But, the result was lots of fighting, even divorce.
It’s often difficult for some people, young or older, to figure out who they are and what they want.
For others, there was no question.
For some of those indecisive folks, they’ll know who they are and what they want when it comes to them. It’s as if they are waiting for a message from above to guide them.
For the more decisive, it’s a matter of doing what one needs to do to get what one wants. Often, that can take time and lots of effort. Plus, much like for the indecisive, things have to go right along the way. Good fortune comes to those who prepare to receive it.
The lesson here is not to necessarily dismiss what your parents taught you, but to compile those teachings with a body of your own thoughts.
Sometimes, some things will just feel right. Other times, that right feeling has to be created.
Another important lesson is to enjoy the journey of life. You probably won’t remember how you were at the end of the journey, but you will certainly remember the milestones along the way.
A third lesson is to prepare for your entire life. Decisions one makes when he or she is young will benefit – or not – what happens to him or her in later years. Every thought or action should involve thoughts of how that thought or action will impact one’s future.
So, as the Simon song laments, don’t necessarily be what you always heard you should be. Find what pleases you. Create goals and a path to get to them. Things may happen for a reason you don’t know at the time, so react properly to them to stay on, or get back to, your path to success.
Your path always may not be in a straight line. Some of those twists and turns can be beneficial. Regardless, they should always be memorable.
Peter
NEW PARENTING STRATEGIES: LESS FIRM, MORE INCLUSIVE
#parenting #ParentingStrategies #children #ChildrensAnxieties #depression
Children significantly are more anxious and depressed than they were five years ago.
So says a March article in JAMA Pediatrics,. The article was quoted in Nedra Rhone’s “Real Life” column published October 6, 2022, in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
Much of this anxiety is attributable to the pandemic, but, as Rhone points out, anxiety in children from birth to age 17 has been on the rise long before COVID-19.
In fact, she points out, from 2016 to 2019, children’s anxiety increased 27 percent and depression increased 24 percent, quoting data from a study from the National Survey of Children’s Health.
Parents and caregivers have suffered a steady decline in well-being over the past five years, she quotes from that study.
Shefali Tsabary has advocated for a parenting style that dispenses with traditional paradigms featuring control, fear and punishment, Rhone writes. Tsabary has a doctorate in clinical psychology and specializes in blending Western psychology and Eastern philosophy.
“What children really need from parents is not a laundry list of rules, and overload of shame and guilt or feeling silenced and oppressed. Children need to feel seen, to feel worth and to know that they matter for who they are rather than their accomplishments,” Rhone writes from Tsabary’s work.
There is much to unpack here, but suffice it to say that the old way of parenting apparently is not cutting it with kids today. In past decades, parents told kids what they expected of them. They may have even told them how they were going to live their lives as adults. Kids who fought such instruction were considered rebels, or something worse.
When some parents were children, rigor was all they knew. Disappointing Mom and Dad was taboo, even though Mom and Dad wanted them to be something they weren’t, or did not want to be.
Certainly, children need to be taught right from wrong. After all, some things are indisputably right, and indisputably wrong. But today, right and wrong have much gray area between them. Children should be allowed, with perhaps some limitations, to explore that gray area and decide for themselves what, to them, is right and wrong.
Kids should have some freedom to “be kids,” again with appropriate limitations. As they navigate childhood, they will make decisions for themselves AND accept consequences for those decisions.
Some will want to be like their parents. Some will want to be completely different from them as they grow.
If they want to be different from their parents, or what their parents expect from them, it likely is not from a lack of love of parents.
Parents, therefore, should encourage children to be who they want to be, with appropriate warning about the pitfalls of pursuit.
Perhaps that will make them less depressed or anxious. Parental and academic requirements can be overwhelming. Parents should strive to encourage their children, while trying to ease their burdens. Parents may not think burdens on children are a big problem, but they can be bigger than many realize.
Raising children in an atmosphere of encouragement rather than rigor may keep many from developing conditions that can be debilitating for life.
Peter
MANY COUPLES DON’T WANT CHILDREN
#childfree #parents #children #ChildbirthDecisions #MarriedCouples
Traditionally, a person grows up, gets married and has children.
That person becomes a part of the typical American family.
But a Michigan study has discovered that many adults don’t want to be parents.
An article on the study, written by Zachary P. Neal, associate professor of psychology at Michigan State University, and Jennifer Watling Neal, psychology professor at Michigan State, was published Aug. 17, 2022, in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
The article says many people decide relatively early in life whether they want to be parents.
In fact, the article quotes the study, 21.64 of adults studied say they do not want children.
The study determined that a person was “childfree” if they answered “no” to whether they have ever had children (biological, adopted or step-children), whether they plan to have children in any of the three categories and whether they wished they had, or could have, children.
The study also breaks down the types of people in the category: “Childfree” people don’t want children; “childless” people want children, but can’t have them; “not-yet-parents” want children in the future; “undecided” people aren’t sure whether they want children; and “ambivalent” people aren’t sure they would have wanted children.
The study also says that under-population is not a problem. Despite the relatively high percentage of people in the Michigan study who don’t want children, the global population will continue to grow, the article says.
Having children is, and should be, an option for everyone. Parents of previous generations urged their children to at least “replace themselves” with children of their own.
For certain people, that may not be an option, physically. For others, it may be a decision based on other burdens in life. Still, for others, it may just be a matter of personal choice.
These people should not be criticized for their decisions. Very often, critics of such people have no idea what that person, or that couple, may be dealing with.
The article points out that workplace policies on work-life balance also favor parents. “We believe the needs of (the childfree group) warrant more attention from policymakers,” the authors write.
Having children should not be considered an obligation. Many parents of past decades lay guilt trips on their children for not producing grandchildren for THEM.
Of course, grandparents may love grandchildren, but they get to send them home, in most cases.
In short, children should be sent home with parents who WANT them, and are willing to put in the necessary work to raise them.
The article also points out that people who don’t want children are told they may change their minds down the road. That appears unlikely, the article says.
So, have children only if you want. If you do, have only as many as you want. But, if you don’t want to, that’s OK, too.
Peter
CHILD-CARE WORKERS IN DEMAND
#ChildCare #Child-CareWorkers #ChildCareInDemand
They are using non-compete clauses, college tuition incentives and non-refundable wait-list fees.
Are these engineers or scientists? No, child-care workers.
There is a child-care workforce crisis – at least in Seattle, where Sally Ho based her article for the Associated Press. The article was also printed in the Sept. 9, 2018, edition of The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
The situation basically goes like this: the booming economy is encouraging child-care workers to leave their highly demanding, low-paying jobs for other positions.
And, at least in Seattle, the demand for child-care programs is booming, the article says.
What are the child-care providers doing? They are requiring and enforcing non-compete clauses for their workers. To raise money to increase salaries, they are requiring families to pay fees to get on a wait list, the article says.
Child-care workers in the U.S. make less than parking-lot attendants and dog walkers, the article quotes Marcy Whitebook, co-director of the University of California, Berkeley’s, Center for the Study of Child Care Employment.
“If you can’t get workers to do the job, then it’s hard to expand the supply. And when the economy is good, that’s when you need to expand the supply,” the article quotes Whitebook.
In 2017, there were 132,000 more children up to age 6 in Washington state who could use formal child-care arrangements, compared to the number of available child-care slots, the article quotes
Child Care Aware, and advocacy group.
Two-thirds of all children up to age 6 have parents who are both working. Some child-care centers are so popular in Seattle, New York and San Francisco that parents pay to get on waiting lists while still trying to conceive, the article quotes Whitebook.
Research show children who attend good preschools are better off as adults, with higher incomes and healthier lifestyles, the article says.
The obvious answer here is to make child-care work more desirable by increasing workers’ pay. But there’s a delicate economic reality: there’s only so much most parents will pay for child care. If the cost of child care is the same, or exceeds, one of the parent’s salaries, it makes no sense for that parent to work – at least economically.
When looking deeper, the solution for parents is for at least one parent to have more time flexibility, while still earning money. Time flexibility, plus money, equals choices for parents. If they WANT to send their child to a day-care facility or preschool, they can. If they want to keep them home until kindergarten, they can.
There are many vehicles out there that parents can utilize to build more time into the family, while still earning a potentially greater income than many W-2 jobs pay. To check out one of the best such vehicles, message me.
Meanwhile, if you are a child-care worker, particularly in an expensive urban area, and you like your job, know that you are in demand. Don’t hesitate to ask for a raise, if you believe you are not getting paid enough for what you do. Or, you, too, could use your non-working hours to supplement your income in a different way.
If you are parents, or parents-to-be, you may have to think outside the box to figure out how you are going to manage raising children with work. It may entail a whole new form of thinking on how the family can create time flexibility, with enough income to give that child (or children) the life they deserve.
If you now get paid only for time worked, imagine what you can do if you got paid by leveraging your time to give more of it to your family.
Peter