#anger #emotions #FomentingAnger #media #MediaConsumption We all get angry at some point. If you are never angry, you may be totally emotionless. But, if you are always angry, it can inhibit rational thinking, decision making and personal interactions. In other words, anger is an emotion we should use sparingly. If everything in the world makes you angry, you may be wise to step back and ask yourself, “why am I so mad at the world?” Then ask, “what can I do to make the world better, not only for me, but also for others?” Certain media are designed to make people perpetually angry, perhaps to the point of rage, and fearful, perhaps to the point of paranoia. People who consume such media believe many things that are actually true are not, and some things that will never be true are indeed true. Of course, they have no evidence to support these beliefs. Their media tell them that things they really don’t want to be true are not, even if they are. And, things they want to be true are, even if they are not. Therefore, anger is often created by some sort of truth-mangling. Still, reality and truth can make one angry. One may lose a job. One may lose a business. One may lose a spouse, or someone else close to him or her. Just because these things are real doesn’t prevent the anger. But, anger over real things allows the angry person the opportunity to mitigate that anger. That can be easier said than done, of course, but at least the person is dealing with something real. The anger, therefore, is rational. But, when one is angry over something that isn’t real, the anger becomes irrational, even though the angry person feels real anger. Some people have no idea why they are angry. They somehow feel put upon, but, presuming no influence from media, they find it difficult to explain, using real terms, why they are angry. If the angry person is also a strong person, he or she can sit back, take a breath and figure out why they are angry. Is all the emotion spent on anger worth the expended energy, stress and lack of well-being, that results? Some, who may not be as strong may need help from friends, family or even professionals if necessary. No, we don’t have to be “nice” every minute of every day. But, the more we make the effort to be “nice,” the better off we will be. Sometimes, the solution may lie in getting back to basics, i.e., love thy neighbor as thyself. Those that think of others first, rather than themselves, often are happier people. They know that thinking of others, and helping others, eventually brings personal joy and reward. So, if one’s first instinct in any interaction is to get angry, take a pause and ask: is this anger rational? If you can find no reason for it to be rational, try to calm yourself. You may find a sense of relief that you do not often experience. Peter
#RealEstateNovelist #”PianoMan”, #BillyJoel #loneliness #relationships “Paul is a real estate novelist.” That lyric from Billy Joel’s song, “Piano Man,” begs the question: “What does is a real estate novelist do? Incidentally, CBS cut off its televised Billy Joel concert at Madison Square Garden on the evening of April 14, 2024, in the middle of his performance of “Piano Man.” Joel’s fans who watched were not happy with CBS, and said so on social media. As a result, it was rebroadcast in full on April 19, 2024. So, is Paul, who is one of the regulars in the bar at which the “Piano Man” plays, a novelist who dabbles in real estate? Does he write novels about real estate? Or, does he sell “novel” real properties? The song does not explain. The point of the song is that Paul is among the lonely people, mostly men, who hang out regularly at the bar just to drink and listen to the piano man. Though the song doesn’t explain Paul’s gig, Paul can teach us a few things. First, loneliness is common – some might say an epidemic — today among children and adults. The explosion of social media, the isolation of the pandemic a few years ago and a general malaise among many people over their lives have contributed to the increase in loneliness. If you are feeling lonely, hanging out at a bar – even if everybody knows your name, as in the TV show, “Cheers” – may not be the best solution. Certainly, no one would criticize the occasional trip to the bar to hang out with friends. But, making it a habit can be expensive and harmful over time. Also, even though Paul in the song is lonely, we can suspect that he may write novels, and, perhaps, dabbles in real estate. Novelists, unless they have a big seller, generally don’t make a lot of money. Having multiple streams of income can help a person pursue his or her passion, and still make a living. If Paul sells “novel” real properties, that could be very lucrative. “Novel” properties tend to be expensive. Commissions for selling them tend to be high. If that’s the case, even money can’t cure loneliness. Let’s presume here that writing novels about real estate would not be a lucrative pastime. The song says Paul never had time for a wife. Either he is busy pursuing his passion and side hustle, or he’s busy selling expensive properties. If you are unsure what to do with your life, think of people like Paul. Perhaps you have a passion that may or may not pay your bills. If so, a side hustle may be necessary. There definitely is nothing wrong with multiple streams of income, regardless of your situation. Whatever you pursue for a living, or as a passion, let it (they) not be a substitute for relationships, friends and other pursuits that ward off loneliness. If you are having trouble meeting people, think of something you like to do and find an organization of people who like the same thing(s), with whom you could have friendships or relationships. There are many such organizations out there, regardless of what you like to do. The key here is having in-person relationships, not online relationships. Online relationships can have a place, but they should not be one’s primary social interaction. We tend to tip piano players at bars. In fact, the pianists expect that you “put bread in my jar,” as the song says. But the song “Piano Man” can leave a tip for you. Pursue your passion, make a living and have multiple good friendships and relationships. Play on, “Piano Man.” Peter
#marriage #divorce #children #HowLifeShouldBe #dreams #goals The song came out in 1971. The lyrics talked of marriage, divorce and how we were all taught about what life “should be.” Carly Simon’s “That’s the Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be” had an eerie melody and profound lyrics. During that decade, most people were told to go to college, get a career, settle down, get married and have children. The lessons date to when parents of those young people were young themselves. Though they may not have gone to college, their parents taught them to get a good job, settle down, get married and have kids. Some in the 1970s rebelled at such a life. They went off to “find themselves.” They actually fought, so as not to become like their parents. Even though their parents likely gave them a good upbringing and a memorable childhood, they did not want to become like them. They felt such a life was confining, too routine and even prisonlike. They wanted to be “free.” They wanted to see the world. They wanted to explore new things. Certainly, some, as Simon’s song points out, did what they were taught. But, the result was lots of fighting, even divorce. It’s often difficult for some people, young or older, to figure out who they are and what they want. For others, there was no question. For some of those indecisive folks, they’ll know who they are and what they want when it comes to them. It’s as if they are waiting for a message from above to guide them. For the more decisive, it’s a matter of doing what one needs to do to get what one wants. Often, that can take time and lots of effort. Plus, much like for the indecisive, things have to go right along the way. Good fortune comes to those who prepare to receive it. The lesson here is not to necessarily dismiss what your parents taught you, but to compile those teachings with a body of your own thoughts. Sometimes, some things will just feel right. Other times, that right feeling has to be created. Another important lesson is to enjoy the journey of life. You probably won’t remember how you were at the end of the journey, but you will certainly remember the milestones along the way. A third lesson is to prepare for your entire life. Decisions one makes when he or she is young will benefit – or not – what happens to him or her in later years. Every thought or action should involve thoughts of how that thought or action will impact one’s future. So, as the Simon song laments, don’t necessarily be what you always heard you should be. Find what pleases you. Create goals and a path to get to them. Things may happen for a reason you don’t know at the time, so react properly to them to stay on, or get back to, your path to success. Your path always may not be in a straight line. Some of those twists and turns can be beneficial. Regardless, they should always be memorable. Peter
#future #present #PlanningForTheFuture #PlanForTheFuture To paraphrase a Valero TV ad: Why do we focus so much on the future, and not enough on the present? There are many ways to think about this. So, let’s start with the present, since there is no time like it. There’s an adage that says, “Do today what others won’t, so you can do tomorrow what others can’t.” In other words, use the present to plan for the future. Another school of thought says, “I want it now.” Yet, sometimes forgoing immediate gratification bodes well for your future. A third thought is, “Carpe Diem,” or “Seize the Day.” But if you seize today, will you have enough to seize tomorrow, or next week, next month, next year? Certainly, what one does today can help, or hurt, him or her in the future. That one extra cookie, tasty as it is, may leave some extra weight tomorrow. It may be extra weight you will not want, but will have difficulty getting rid of. At the same time, putting a penny in a piggy bank today, and every day, will get you started on saving for your future. Of course, you MUST have the discipline not to raid your piggy for an impulse buy. And, once you fill that piggy with a penny a day, you have to have the wherewithal eventually to take it to a bank and start to make your money work for your future. Indeed, focusing on the present, with the right activities, will go a long way to ensuring a good future. One difference between the present and the future is knowledge. We may not know what the future will look like, but we certainly know what the present looks like. If your present, as you see it, is not looking good to you, it’s imperative to think about what YOU can do now to make your future better. Yes, that thought process might involve enduring the present unpleasantness for a time, while you act on finding a good future. Also, thinking about a good future can relieve some of the stress of a not-so-great present. But, thinking alone will not bring about that good future. You have to think it, certainly, but you also have to know what you have to do to get to it. Then, of course, you have to go about doing those things now. In short, the present and the future are not necessarily discrete entities. But they can be if you want them to be. The future, of course, means you will be older. There may be things that you can do now, that you won’t be able to do then. If those things you can do now will help you later on, do them while you are able. There are also everyday habits in the present that can help, or hurt, your future. Keep the helpful habits and lose the hurtful ones if you can. Though you may not know what the future will bring, prepare well for it. Be flexible enough to alter your plans as needed, while being steady enough to do the things you are certain will help you later. Enjoying the present and leaving the future to chance is perilous. No, the future doesn’t take care of itself. But, there may be things, good and bad, that will come your way that you cannot anticipate. Then, it’s a matter of dealing with the future as the present when it comes. So, enjoy your present, but have an idea what you will need to do to ensure a good future. You will thank yourself later. Peter
#RealEstate #housing #BuyingHouses #SellingHouses #BuildingHouses To paraphrase a Redfin TV ad: The prospective buyer says the kitchen is a little tight, but they can live with it. The agent replies: You shouldn’t live with it. You should love it. Buying real estate, especially a home you plan to live in, can be a frustrating experience. No home, even one you build from scratch, is perfect. Existing homes can be even more imperfect. Rarely does a buyer find an existing home that has EVERYTHING he or she wants. It seems there is always something one has to “live with.” Usually, there are some things in the home that aren’t perfect, but you can fix them eventually. Therefore, as a buyer, you should price that into your offer. In the relatively tight real estate market we are in, you may have to pay full price, or bid up, a house that may have things in it you don’t like. Many of today’s buyers are looking for perfection, and won’t stop until they find it. That’s a nice problem if you are in no hurry to move in. But, as there are no perfect humans, there are no perfect houses – or, at least, they are very rare. That’s because perfection is only in the eyes of the buyer. Because of the number of variables in the real estate buying process, the willingness to compromise may be a good trait for buyers. And, it’s OK to have a bottom line of what you can accept, and what you can pay. Perfection may lie outside one’s budget. That’s why an abundance of choice is desirable. It’s good to look at as many homes as possible within the given radius of where you need to live. In addition to price, another variable may be demand. You may like the first house you see. But if you wait to pull the trigger, so you can look at other houses, your top choice may be gone once you’ve decided. If you are buying your first house, and are looking for “starter” homes, you may find them few and far between. If you do find a starter, it may be older. Older homes require more work, so don’t be afraid to put the work in over time. In the current market, if you do the “right” things to your house, you’ll get your money back, and, usually, more. If you elect to build from scratch, find a reputable builder who won’t skip town once your house is done. The cost of building materials have risen to the degree that some builders, who also find it difficult to get the help they need, won’t quote you a firm price or a completion date. And, watch your new house go up, if you are able. Make sure your builder doesn’t cut corners. Again, buying real estate is an imperfect science. Buyers and sellers usually have to be flexible. If they are, the process will be less stressful. In short, you don’t have to love everything about the house you buy. If it meets your needs, and is in a good location for you, you may not want to hesitate to make an offer. If you hesitate, it could be gone. And, if you are lucky and get a good house, perhaps you can fix the things you don’t love. Peter
