#parenting #ParentingStrategies #children #ChildrensAnxieties #depression
Children significantly are more anxious and depressed than they were five years ago.
So says a March article in JAMA Pediatrics,. The article was quoted in Nedra Rhone’s “Real Life” column published October 6, 2022, in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
Much of this anxiety is attributable to the pandemic, but, as Rhone points out, anxiety in children from birth to age 17 has been on the rise long before COVID-19.
In fact, she points out, from 2016 to 2019, children’s anxiety increased 27 percent and depression increased 24 percent, quoting data from a study from the National Survey of Children’s Health.
Parents and caregivers have suffered a steady decline in well-being over the past five years, she quotes from that study.
Shefali Tsabary has advocated for a parenting style that dispenses with traditional paradigms featuring control, fear and punishment, Rhone writes. Tsabary has a doctorate in clinical psychology and specializes in blending Western psychology and Eastern philosophy.
“What children really need from parents is not a laundry list of rules, and overload of shame and guilt or feeling silenced and oppressed. Children need to feel seen, to feel worth and to know that they matter for who they are rather than their accomplishments,” Rhone writes from Tsabary’s work.
There is much to unpack here, but suffice it to say that the old way of parenting apparently is not cutting it with kids today. In past decades, parents told kids what they expected of them. They may have even told them how they were going to live their lives as adults. Kids who fought such instruction were considered rebels, or something worse.
When some parents were children, rigor was all they knew. Disappointing Mom and Dad was taboo, even though Mom and Dad wanted them to be something they weren’t, or did not want to be.
Certainly, children need to be taught right from wrong. After all, some things are indisputably right, and indisputably wrong. But today, right and wrong have much gray area between them. Children should be allowed, with perhaps some limitations, to explore that gray area and decide for themselves what, to them, is right and wrong.
Kids should have some freedom to “be kids,” again with appropriate limitations. As they navigate childhood, they will make decisions for themselves AND accept consequences for those decisions.
Some will want to be like their parents. Some will want to be completely different from them as they grow.
If they want to be different from their parents, or what their parents expect from them, it likely is not from a lack of love of parents.
Parents, therefore, should encourage children to be who they want to be, with appropriate warning about the pitfalls of pursuit.
Perhaps that will make them less depressed or anxious. Parental and academic requirements can be overwhelming. Parents should strive to encourage their children, while trying to ease their burdens. Parents may not think burdens on children are a big problem, but they can be bigger than many realize.
Raising children in an atmosphere of encouragement rather than rigor may keep many from developing conditions that can be debilitating for life.
Peter
Tag Archives: Nedra Rhone
RUDENESS ON THE RISE; WHY ARE FOLKS SO ANGRY?
#rudeness #anger #frustration #incivility #abuse
The sign said: “Attention! Our employees have the right to be treated with dignity and respect at all times. They should be able to do their jobs without being physically or verbally abused. Most people respect this. Thank you for being one of them.”
That sign was displayed at an office at Piedmont Hospital in Atlanta. Nedra Rhone, “Real Life” columnist for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, saw that sign at a routine medical appointment. She’d never seen such a sign before.
It prompted her to discuss general rudeness in a column published June 8, 2023. She quotes Christine Porath, who has studied incivility for more than 20 years.
“This kind of incivility leads to negative outcomes not only for workers who experience it directly, but also those who witness it – all of which harms businesses and society,” Rhone quotes Porath’s Harvard Business Review article.
Porath found that 76 percent of respondents in 25 industries across the globe say they’ve experienced incivility at least once a month. Those levels have risen since 2012, poking holes in the theory that the epidemic of rudeness started with the pandemic, Rhone writes.
Stress, negative emotions, isolation, technology and lack of self-awareness are the main drivers of widespread rudeness, Rhone quotes Porath.
The problem has many consequences beyond hurt feelings. Some of the front-line workers who experience this rudeness usually are not the most highly compensated. In a way, it makes them easy targets for the frustrated.
Often, these folks have no ability to ease the frustration. But as they experience the abuse, the employees are less likely to stay in those jobs for very long. It is just not worth it to them.
The frustration and anger at usually something small – Rhone sites a hair colorist lambasted by a client because she didn’t like the color that was chosen – can follow a frustrated person home. That means the frustration, without a stranger to whom to release it, can be felt by family and other loved ones.
Therefore, the frustrated person takes it out on someone at home who had nothing to do with the problem. Over time, that can lead to family dysfunction, divorce, broken friendships etc.
Such frustration can be taken into the political arena. When one or more people are angry and frustrated, it’s hard for them to agree on anything. So, little gets done.
In the same political arena, fear and anger can overpower optimism and looking to the future. People become focused on what they perceive has been done to them, rather than what can be done for them hereafter.
How does one become a less frustrated, nicer person? For many, it takes work. It takes being thoughtful before speaking or acting. It takes realizing that the person on whom you may be taking out your frustration cannot help you solve your problem.
There are indeed rational, civil ways to address grievances in most cases. Don’t become the person who is not happy unless he or she is miserable, fearful and angry.
Think about what is good in your life. Think about whether the energy you spend in anger is worth affecting your health, your well-being as a person and/or your relationships.
People can be, and have been, wronged by others or other things. If you feel compelled to express that anger outwardly, don’t choose targets that cannot help you solve your problem.
Those targets will disappear eventually, and you’ll be much worse off for THAT, rather than the original cause of your anger.
Peter
EVEN FOLKS WITH ‘HIGH’ INCOMES HAVING MONEY ISSUES
#incomes #SixFigureIncomes #inflation #FinancialProblems #MoneyManagement
Yes, it’s possible that a couple making a six-figure income together can still have financial issues.
Nedra Rhone, “This Life” columnist for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution discussed this in a column published June 23, 2022.
Rhone says many people believe that anyone making six figures a year with financial problems have money management, not money, problems.
But as rents skyrocket and prices for gasoline and other goods rise to levels not seen in decades, it is possible for two people making a combined, six-figure income to have trouble making ends meet – never mind saving for the future.
Some decades back, a young couple just starting out in life might have thought that if they could just make $20,000 a year together, they would be OK.
Inflation has kicked that goal up fivefold, or more.
As Rhone points out, it’s great to teach kids, and young adults, good money management skills. It takes some discipline to watch what one spends money on. And, certainly, we all can improve our money management skills.
But, the lesson here is that costs of living can’t keep rising without some, if not everyone, feeling the pinch.
Food, shelter, clothing, energy etc. are all necessary for living and working. People certainly can cut out frivolous expenses, unnecessary trips etc. But everyone has to eat, have a roof over his or her head, drive to work etc.
Some recent trends are helping. For example, more people are working from home. That saves on energy, clothing and, perhaps, some food costs.
But, not everyone can work from home. In fact, it can be assumed that the less money you make at your job, the less ability you may have to work from home. Trades people, hospitality workers and others have no ability to work from home.
Fortunately, the world economy works in cycles. That means prices won’t stay at these levels forever.
Much of the high-price trends have to do with pent-up demand after pandemic lockdowns. More people are working than there were two years ago.
Wages are trending up, but many are no better off because of that pent-up demand. Some economic sectors are still having trouble filling jobs, even with offers of more pay and, perhaps, benefits.
A narrative is circulating that government policy is the prime driver of the inflation we are seeing. In reality, there is very little that can be done by government at any level to make a real dent in inflation.
The couple in Rhone’s column could look for a cheaper apartment. Those are hard to find in most areas. In fairness, landlords have had trouble the last two years getting tenants to pay rent on time because the pandemic cost the tenants their jobs temporarily. These landlords, along with retailers and other merchants, are trying to recover some of what they lost.
Rhone’s point in her column was not to criticize others’ financial situations. Don’t try to put a simple solution on a complex problem. Chances are, if you were in the shoes of the six-figure couple, you probably would face similar problems.
Times are tough for most of us. It’s time we all be less critical or judgmental of others, and more sympathetic and helpful.
Peter
WORKPLACES ARE CHANGING; WORKERS’ ATTITUDES ARE, TOO
#workplaces #workers #pay #benefits #childcare #COVID19 #coronavirus #FlattenTheCurve
The pandemic changed everything.
First, it gave workers a bit more leverage in how they deal with work/life balance.
That has good, and bad, effects.
Workers are leaving jobs that paid little, with no flexibility in their lives, to either stay home with children – day-care costs are rising and options are limited – or moving on to jobs that pay more and, perhaps, offer some of the flexibility they want.
A story by Marc Fisher for the Washington Post, and a “This Life” column by Nedra Rhone tackle this issue in detail. Both were published Dec. 30, 2021, in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
The Post story focuses on Liberty County, Ga., along the state’s coast. Liberty is a small county, with a major military institution, Ft. Stewart, as its biggest employer.
But the county is growing by adding big warehouses. These allow people to leave the small, mom-and-pop hotel and restaurant jobs for higher-paying, and often more flexible, warehouse work.
That hurts the lower-paying sole-owner businesses, causing them to cut back on hours, service etc., for lack of help.
Some employees had been laid off when many of these operations shut down. When they reopened, many of the workers did not return, for various reasons – not the least of which is the risk of being infected with COVID-19.
Meanwhile, Rhone’s column discusses the differences among various generations in how they react to changing workplaces.
The youngest generation of workers had their world turned upside down. Many now want to be entrepreneurs, meaning they may never work for anyone but themselves in their lives.
(What these young folks may not realize is that working only for oneself may have its own pitfalls. They still have to serve clients, who will be their ultimate employers).
So, all of this begs the usual question: where do you fit in this changing workplace?
Is the idea of going back to work too risky? Or, is it going to cost you more to go back to work (commuting, day care etc.) than you would make?
In summary, workplaces are changing. Workers no longer feel forced to take, or go back to, jobs that put them at risk, will cost them more to work than not, and not get a good return from the employer(s).
Employers currently are adapting by cutting back on things that could decimate their businesses. They have to find more creative ways to entice people from multiple generations, who have different hopes, dreams and attitudes toward the workplace.
To quote Donald Lovette, chairman of the Liberty County, Ga., Commission, from the Post story: “It’s not that people are lazy. It’s that some of them are better off financially by not paying for child care, staying home for a while … It’s simple economics.”
Employers, even those in basic businesses like hospitality and restaurants, have to come up with new ways to get and keep workers.
Peter