Born in Berlin, N.H.; bachelor of arts, major in journalism, Northeastern University; master's degree in urban studies, Southern Connecticut State University; was an editor and reporter at New Haven Register, an editor at The Atlanta Journal-Constitution and a reporter at The Meriden Record-Journal. Now a freelance writer and editor.
#push #shove #peace #compromise #disputes #ResolvingDisputes #strength If push comes to shove … has come to mean that things could go from bad to worse. Or, it could mean that if someone pushes you, you might shove back. Does anyone WANT to get pushed, or shoved? A push, actually, could be positive. A parent, teacher, friend or coach could push someone to be a better version of himself or herself. That person may shove back by offering resistance, even if they know deep down of the pusher’s good intentions. On the opposite side, someone may push you to do something you don’t want to do. You may shove back by saying no repeatedly, as the pusher keeps at you. Technically, push and shove could be synonyms. But, as we understand the words, a push may be gentler than a shove. That brings us back to the expression. When one is gently pushed, he or she may shove back more aggressively. We use the expression usually in context with conflicts with others. When the dispute comes to a head, what will we do next? Some people plan their moves carefully. They anticipate that a dispute will come to a climax, and they have the next move in their back pockets. Others genuinely don’t know what to do when conflict reaches a point that requires “the next move.” They could go with their gut and do what comes to them at the time. They could walk away in defeat. Or, a level-headed person could just say enough is enough. Let’s stop fighting and find common ground for peace. In today’s polarized world, we need more level-headed peacemakers. The great poet and orator Maya Angelou once said. “we are more alike than we are unalike.” Certainly, we will disagree, perhaps about a lot of things. But, when push comes to shove, what will we do next? Will we agree to disagree, move on and find agreement on other matters? Will we avoid discussion of topics that provoke disagreement? What if the topic that promotes disagreements MUST be discussed? Avoidance can be a form of cowardice when it comes to those mandatory topics. In those cases, the noble peacemakers look for common ground. They find compromise. They believe that compromise is a form of strength, especially when sticking to your guns can get you shot down. While others see weakness in compromise, the noble among us not only see strength in it, but also see it as the best, and only, way to resolve conflict. Defeating others through force is not only weak, but also cowardly and lazy. Peace via compromise is weapon for good. Though in such cases no one gets everything he or she wants, everyone gets something. That leads to, as the late President Ronald Reagan put it, “peace through strength.” So, the next time you face a situation in which push comes to shove, what will you do? Peter
#secrets #HidingThings #information #stress Hiding things takes great effort. One has to make sure that wherever he or she hides something, no one else can find it. Also, one has to make sure that there is no other source for whatever is being hidden. If there is demand for exposure, people will hunt relentlessly for it. Many times, the information comes out in pieces, sometimes out of context. Saying repeatedly that it is not true is not a solution. Any crisis manager would advise that if there is something bad that one wants to hide, and there is demand for transparency, it’s better to get it out, take the lumps and move on. If the lumps are severe, they likely would be more severe if the exposure were delayed. For many, keeping secrets causes insomnia. It’s tough to sleep under that much pressure. Secrets – particularly those for which there is a large demand for transparency – cause often immeasurable stress. Certainly, some things should be kept secret. Parts of one’s everyday life should not be displayed for public scrutiny. But, other secrets, particularly those of prominent or privileged people, should be exposed. The consequences of some actions can have real victims, many of whom will never get back what may have been taken from them. They also may never get over it. Their only solace could be transparency and accountability for those who wronged them. Never underestimate the healing power of transparency and accountability. Though some secrets are harmless, even joyous – surprising a spouse with an anniversary trip, for example – many secrets can be devastating. Keeping secrets can create corruption. When they do, the victims of the corruption suffer. The public square has very little room for secrets – good or bad. In the public square, knowing that a secret exists enhances the demand for transparency. When we know something, but don’t know everything, as humans we usually do not stop looking until we know everything. Once we know everything, we can determine any accountability that’s required. We cannot determine accountability until we know what, or whom, should be accountable. Almost everyone is keeping a secret. Most are harmless. Some are fun. Some are even proper to keep. Keeping a secret in which there were victims is not proper. It is also very difficult when demand for exposure is great. When you have a secret, determine whether it is harmless, fun and whom it may be hurting. Then, decide whether the stress of keeping it is worth it. More importantly, determine whether its exposure could contribute to healing. Peter
#homeless #HomelessFamilies #rents #housing #AffordableHousing When you think of people being homeless, is your first question: What did they do wrong? If so, you probably believe their behavior somehow put them in that position – not wanting to work, addiction etc. First, many mentally ill people have nowhere to go. They’ve been abandoned and the number of treatment facilities has dwindled over the years. But, watching CNN’s “The Whole Story” November 2, 2025, we learn many homeless people work, have families etc., but just can’t afford skyrocketing rents. Many of the homeless adults and children interviewed for the program, based on homelessness in New York City, are articulate, resourceful and have great inner strength and resilience to endure their hardship. Most of the adults are working. Most of the children go to school. Many have been homeless all, or most, of their lives. They take advantage of all or most of the resources that can help them – shelters, school meals etc. It appears, in most cases, they spend their limited income on other necessities besides an apartment, which could eat up most, if not all, of their earnings. Some people are, indeed, homeless because of their behavior. But, the homeless population is much broader than a few, single misfits having a hard time. One could come away, after watching the program, thinking that the strength and resilience of many homeless people are untapped resources for better things. Many of them showed more of those characteristics than some others much more fortunate. The homeless cannot solve their problems alone. They need resources. They need ideas for more housing. There are many people who care and want to help, but it may take a nationwide push to really mitigate the problem. In the show, there were some good endings for some of the people. But, it is a large problem not only in New York, but nationwide. In fairness, there are homeless folks who just want to stay off the grid. They would much rather be independent than go to a shelter on a cold, or hot night. But, the show documents that many are just working families – often single mothers with children – who are shelterless for financial reasons. It was uplifting to see some of the children with musical or other talent. What a future they might have if they had their own roof over their heads. There is no typical homeless person. Many are doing the very best they can, for themselves and their families, with what they have. Without an address, there are only so many opportunities in the job market. In fairness to landlords, they need to charge rents that cover taxes (high in NYC), repairs and maintenance, and have a little return on their investment. If you are a landlord, or employer, it may be worth some thought whether your employees are making enough to live a decent life, and whether you can work with tenants on rents they can afford. Peter
#PNCBank #NamingRights #RaisingChildren #CostOfRaisingChildren #parents #children A child graduates from his or her school. Instead of announcing him or her by name as he or she gets a diploma, the master of ceremonies announces the name of the company who bought the rights to that child’s name. The parents in the audience cheer. Farfetched? PNC Bank is using that scenario in an ad to show how desperate parents are to cover the cost of raising children. PNC Bank, of course, suggests better ways to improve a family’s financial position. The idea of selling the rights to a person’s name to a company comes from the naming of stadiums and arenas, where sponsorship makes more sense. But the ad highlights a deeper problem. It’s getting more difficult financially to raise children today than in past decades. On top of that, it’s getting more difficult for those children, once they become adults, to leave home because they are not making enough money to live independently. In past decades, it was a parent’s goal for his or her children to live better than he or she did. Today, for many generations, that is almost impossible. The cost of food, energy, housing etc. has gotten out of reach for many people, regardless of background. Raising a child requires a lot of investment. If they play sports, or participate in other activities, there are often big costs involved. You want your children to pursue activities in which they have skills and interests. Even if they don’t have great skills in those activities, parents recognize that the social interaction, teamwork lessons etc., can be valuable to a child as they grow into adults. You also want them to feel the joy of holidays with gifts, which also can be expensive. When you add those things to the necessities of life, even before a post-high-school education, raising a child can drain a family’s finances. When the parents of that child also want to save for their own retirement, in an age in which employer retirement plans are few, dicey financial decisions abound. As they grow, children can learn to help their families cover their activities through part-time jobs etc. But, if that child plans to pursue higher education, parents will want that child’s earned money to go to that purpose. Of course, as PNC says, it’s better for a family to have a financial plan with a good adviser the family trusts. But it’s difficult to blame parents for trying creative ideas to enhance the family’s financial position. Hard work, good behavior and good character are still the cornerstones of any child’s success. The toughest parenting job may be to keep the child from getting discouraged when he or she does everything right, yet still doesn’t achieve what he or she wants. The solution here is to have a plan early in a child’s life, in which savings can accumulate and earn dividends over time, then spending it very selectively at the correct intervals of a child’s life. If a family is fortunate enough, it can create a separate fund for the parents’ retirement. Of course, either of those is easier said than done. But, with some creativity, good advice and discipline, it can be possible. Peter
#wealth #opportunities #HardWork #inheritances You may love your current life, but, deep down, wouldn’t you want to be wealthy? You may rail against the fat cats who get all the breaks, but, secretly, you’d love to be among them. Who gets wealthy, and who doesn’t? One may inherit wealth. One may get wealthy through luck (think lottery winners). But most people who get wealthy on their own have a certain mindset. Usually, they actively look for opportunities to get wealthy. And, usually, they never stop looking. It becomes a mission. Once they find the opportunity, they do what they need to do to make it happen. Often, they will do things others will not do. They have the determination to keep doing those things into perpetuity to maintain their wealth, since they know that if they stop, their wealth could go away. Certainly, people who are not wealthy will work hard, and have the determination to keep working hard. The difference is the opportunity. For many, opportunities either never cross their paths or they don’t see the opportunity if it is presented. Some may actually fear opportunity. Some, perhaps, would see the opportunity, but not want to do what it takes to take advantage of it. Wealthy people, generally, do not prioritize security. An old financial services TV ad tells its viewers that it wants people looking for opportunities, not guarantees. In the modern age, security in the workplace is hard to come by. So, some folks keep their “secure” jobs, while looking for and taking advantage of opportunities on the side. When the side opportunity starts to work out, they may quit their “secure” jobs. Some people get wealthy off the backs, or at the expense, of others. It’s tough for most people to sleep at night if they’ve made a lot of money by screwing over other people. Often, wealthy people are no different from those who are not wealthy – except for their passion to look for opportunities. Also quite often, if a wealthy person somehow loses his or her fortune, their mindset will allow them to build it all over again, perhaps with a new opportunity. Opportunities are different from circumstances. Those who are not wealthy, but are envious of those who are, tend to blame circumstances for their lack of wealth. The wealthy person tends to brush off circumstances and actively look for opportunities. Even in the quest for wealth, luck can play a part. But those with the opportunity mindset do what they must to make their own luck. In short, uninherited wealth is not given. It is made. Hard work alone will not make you wealthy. But the combination of hard work, determination to look for opportunities and making good decisions in life can put you on the path to wealth. It doesn’t happen overnight, in most cases. As the saying goes, it could take you 40 years to be an overnight success. To be wealthy, you have to be always looking. You have to want more than what others would settle for. You have to be more than content. You have to want to be happy. Money doesn’t buy happiness, the saying goes, but, as an acquaintance used to say, it can certainly help you work out your problems in style. Peter
#dining #FineDining #HighEndRestaurants #EatingOut #food When you eat at a “high end” restaurant, do you come away wondering whether it was worth the price? Some such restaurants are, indeed, worth the price. Others are just overpriced. Most of us know the difference, especially when our meal is finished. (Warning: If you know you can’t afford a high-end restaurant, don’t eat there). Some restaurants like to up-charge because of their atmosphere. They may have white or black linen tablecloths and napkins, fancy dishes and silverware or even a dress code. None of those things, by themselves, are worth paying extra for. In fact, having a dress code may be a reason NOT to eat somewhere. Some restaurants may think their food is so good that they only need to give you little bites, or tapas. In such cases, one either walks out poorer and hungry, or orders too many separate things just to get satisfied. Tapas restaurants have their place, but there is only so much one should be willing to pay to eat there. A good rule of thumb here is if you are in the mood for a good steak, you do not have to go to a high-end steakhouse. Many moderately priced restaurants have just as good steaks for much less money. But the restaurants that are clearly worth the high prices give you food you can’t find many other places. They give you plenty of it. In fact, they may give you enough to take home for a separate meal. Two meals for the price of one makes paying big bucks more palatable. Some may have unique locations that you know they have to pay high rent for. Dining overlooking the water, or some other great view, has to be factored into the price. Still, some high-end restaurants’ food is so good, and so plentiful, they can locate in a strip mall and still draw diners. If you don’t know whether an expensive restaurant will be worth the price, ask people who have eaten there. Did they come out feeling good about splurging? It may be a good time to give a shout-out to those restauranteurs who serve good food at a reasonable price. Most diners will opt for that, but there are occasions when people want something out of the ordinary. Sometimes, experiences are more valuable than things to give as gifts. If you splurge, make sure your splurge is worth it. Dining out is something most people like to do. Most people work hard for their money, so they want to spend it carefully. Dining at high-end restaurants should not be a regular activity for those of modest income. But, sometimes, putting loose change into a jar can add up to a nice dinner out when the jar is full. Just make sure, as best you can, that the experience will be worth the price. Peter
#optimism #BrokenAmerica #resist #fight #BetterAngels It’s easy to feel hopeless today. In fact, even the most optimistic among us are thinking that what is being undone from a normal world can never be redone. Axios CEO Jim VandeHei outlines a strategy for college students to act and think more optimistically. He outlined it in a Sept. 21, 2025, article in The Atlanta Journal Constitution. He writes that we are being duped into “thinking America is more broken, more unfixable and more hostile than it actually is.” Various media are competing for our attention, he writes, but most people are not actually paying attention. He’s not saying, according to his column, that America doesn’t have legitimate problems. But, if we paid less attention to media, and more attention to our own lives and situations, we might become more hopeful. That may be easier said than done, of course. But we are seeing that when people push back on the bad things that are happening, it can slow the downfall, if not stop it entirely. It IS important for people to watch and read what is going on. An informed public has more power than an uninformed one. You can be a voracious media consumer and not get sucked down rabbit holes. You can discern what is right and what is wrong, even from media that may want to push you in a certain direction. Remember, those who want to take down the U.S. are looking for a citizenry that is demoralized, capitulating and weary. But, if the citizenry becomes determined, engaged and wary of things being done, it can win the battle. There are many versions of the adage that says, “Don’t let the bad guys get you down.” That, too, is easier said than done. But, instead of throwing up one’s hands, one should keep his or her hands – and minds – engaged and, if necessary, enraged. The decks may look stacked against the average person, but average people with the same idea can mobilize against the colossus. The colossus may be trying to take your weapons, like your right to vote. They may do it by throwing roadblocks between you and the ballot box. But, such obstacles can be overcome with determination to go around them. So, as VandeHei writes, we have big problems, but optimism isn’t, or shouldn’t be, dead. When those who disagree with you become disagreeable, find those that are not. When debate turns to violence, look for better angels. When corrupted power tries to corrupt you, resist, resist, resist. It may be easier said than done, but it CAN be done. Pete
#AI #AIInSchool #students #teachers #writing #learning #education How can you tell when students are using AI for legitimate purposes, or using it to cheat? Teachers are grappling with this question, as Jocelyn Gecker discussed in her article for the Associated Press. It was published in the September 15, 2025, edition of The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. She quotes high school and college educators, who say that assigning writing outside the classroom is like asking students to cheat. “Anything you send home, you have to assume is being AI’d,” she quotes Casey Curry, who has taught English for 23 years and was a 2024 California Teacher of the Year. His students, Gecker says, do most of their writing in class. The reporter also points out that students are uncertain when AI usage is out of bounds. After all, students want to use all tools available to them, but not be accused of cheating. Before AI, writing came easily to some students, but painfully difficult for others. Also, there are students in many American schools for whom English is not a first language. Gecker talks about one student who wrote his essay in his first language, and used a translation app to convert it to English. The app, she writes, improved some phrasing. Is that cheating? Students have also used Grammarly, a popular AI writing assistance app, she writes. Most good teachers want students to write what they know. Some are less concerned with creative phrasing and much more concerned with the knowledge the student imparts from his or her studies. English and creative writing classes are different. They want to see the clever phrasing and catchy metaphors. Most importantly, they want students’ work to be original. Math teachers adapted to the use of calculators. Students are not learning cursive writing as much anymore because of the widespread use of electronic devices. So, teachers must find ways to employ AI – students will use it whether or not it is forbidden – in ways that students can still impart what they have learned, but do it in a way that incorporates the modern world. To those students for whom writing is difficult, AI could be a godsend. Making students struggle needlessly does not make for good teaching. For those that can write easily, they will continue to write and perhaps use AI for research. AI can be used for good, but it can also be used for sinister purposes. It behooves teachers and students to find the good, and not the sinister. The sinister, eventually, will get caught, because there will be tools developed – or have already been developed – for teachers to discern real from fake. The blessing here is that some teachers are requiring students to do their homework in school, and not at home. What student would not want less homework? Peter
#colleges #universities #CollegeDegrees #jobs #JobPromotions #CollegeDebt “I was a human resources professional for 20 years. But, I reached a ceiling.” That quote, from a lady in a TV ad for the University of Maryland Global Campus, tells the story of how she has been able to pursue a good career until recently, when, apparently, she no longer qualified for advancement without a college degree. So, the ad says, she went to UMGC to get her degree, and it is paying off. When you couple that story with a column by George Will of the Washington Post talking about the declining value of college degrees, as well as other ads about paper ceilings, it paints an interesting picture of today’s world. As Will points out, some jobs today that don’t appear to require a college degree suddenly require them. Will’s column was also published Aug. 31, 2025, in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. In the past few decades, we were all told that a college degree was essential to getting a good job – or, at least, one that would be more likely to put you in an office than outside doing hard physical labor. But, over time, college degrees have become unaffordable for many – so much so that many students had to incur debt that they may spend a lifetime trying to pay. If you are fortunate to go to law or medical school, you are more likely to be able to pay off that debt in a relatively short time, presuming you are successful in either of those professions. But, the job market for other degrees can be a bit unpredictable. If you need debt to finish college, you had better have reasonable assurance of a good income afterward to pay it off. The need for people in the trades, like plumbers or electricians, is much more acute in many places. Those jobs do not require a four-year degree, but they do require trade school, certifications, licenses etc., that are much less costly than college. And, of course, those jobs require sometimes hard physical labor. But, if you are good at your trade and you are reliable to your customers, you can make a better living than a lot of people with four-year degrees. When college degrees were rare among young people, companies hired those with degrees, regardless of what the degree was in, then trained them for the job(s) they wanted them to do. But, on-the-job training is harder – and more costly – for companies these days. They expect their workers to know what they are doing on Day 1. The lady in the UMGC ad probably was very capable of doing the job she was striving for without a college degree. But not having a degree made it much easier for the hiring manager to reject her for that job. Also, colleges pride themselves on their “elite” status in society and community. In today’s milieu, politicians want to cut out that elite status colleges have by threatening their government grants. That’s way too extreme a reaction. It may be best to let colleges and universities conduct business as usual by giving them their research grants etc. They perform a great function in society by doing that work. But, the average student is getting priced out of the college market. The colleges will have to do something to find the balance between teaching and research. The average student may want to rethink his or her life options as he or she decides how to make a living, and what he or she has to do to get there. Peter
#GenZ #HavingChildren #WhenToHaveChildren #ConcernAboutTheFuture #men #women How do you define success? If you are between 18 and 29 years old, depending on whether you are a man or a woman, you may view success differently, according to a recent NBC News poll, conducted with Survey Monkey. Both men and women all ranked having a fulfilling job, having money to do the things they want to do and achieving financial independence highly, the poll says. About 25 percent of those polled say they are worried about their future. But a remarkable percentage of Gen Z men ranked having children as their top characteristic of success. Women ranked having children closer to the bottom of their priorities, the poll said. Today’s politics is filled with notions of women concentrating more on motherhood than careers. But, with this generation having a more difficult time than their parents did in making a life, the idea of having children may be a low priority for many women. In decades past, it was easier for women to stay at home while men went to work. Today, with prices of necessities soaring, it’s almost impossible to live on one salary. It’s no wonder this generation is feeling anxious about the future. Politicians like to carve out dream scenarios. Often, they are just dreams untethered to reality. Even with both men and women in the same household working, making ends meet – let alone saving for a house or retirement – is much more difficult. They can only look at their parents and grandparents and wonder how they could build the equity they had built. Inheritance may be their only hope. Not only is it financially difficult to have children, it’s can be financially difficult to get married. Some data indicates that many first-time home buyers are in their 40s, when it’s supposed to be the prime of your earning years. Their parents and grandparents may have gotten married fairly young, bought a small house fairly early into their marriage and traded up to better housing over the years to accommodate their families. Many of those parents or grandparents have adult children living with them, because, even with a job, they can’t live on their own, let alone start a family. If young men see success in having children, how are they going to do that? If such young men still live with mom and dad, they are already starting from behind. With unaffordable rents, and salaries and job opportunities not commensurate with those rents, they can’t start building a life outside of mom and dad’s house. Having children may be great, but one has to be able to afford them. Having children you can’t afford will only put those kids behind in many ways. The same politicians encouraging young people to have children are the same ones who refuse to help provide for those children once they are born. So, if you are young today, make the best choices you can. Don’t let anyone bully you into a life you can’t handle. Remember: Step 1 is finding a reasonably good paying job. Step 2 is moving out of mom and dad’s house. Step 3 is finding a good, responsible life partner. Once you’ve done those things, you can think about when to have a family. Peter
