#marriage #divorce #children #HowLifeShouldBe #dreams #goals
The song came out in 1971.
The lyrics talked of marriage, divorce and how we were all taught about what life “should be.”
Carly Simon’s “That’s the Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be” had an eerie melody and profound lyrics.
During that decade, most people were told to go to college, get a career, settle down, get married and have children.
The lessons date to when parents of those young people were young themselves. Though they may not have gone to college, their parents taught them to get a good job, settle down, get married and have kids.
Some in the 1970s rebelled at such a life. They went off to “find themselves.” They actually fought, so as not to become like their parents.
Even though their parents likely gave them a good upbringing and a memorable childhood, they did not want to become like them.
They felt such a life was confining, too routine and even prisonlike.
They wanted to be “free.” They wanted to see the world. They wanted to explore new things.
Certainly, some, as Simon’s song points out, did what they were taught. But, the result was lots of fighting, even divorce.
It’s often difficult for some people, young or older, to figure out who they are and what they want.
For others, there was no question.
For some of those indecisive folks, they’ll know who they are and what they want when it comes to them. It’s as if they are waiting for a message from above to guide them.
For the more decisive, it’s a matter of doing what one needs to do to get what one wants. Often, that can take time and lots of effort. Plus, much like for the indecisive, things have to go right along the way. Good fortune comes to those who prepare to receive it.
The lesson here is not to necessarily dismiss what your parents taught you, but to compile those teachings with a body of your own thoughts.
Sometimes, some things will just feel right. Other times, that right feeling has to be created.
Another important lesson is to enjoy the journey of life. You probably won’t remember how you were at the end of the journey, but you will certainly remember the milestones along the way.
A third lesson is to prepare for your entire life. Decisions one makes when he or she is young will benefit – or not – what happens to him or her in later years. Every thought or action should involve thoughts of how that thought or action will impact one’s future.
So, as the Simon song laments, don’t necessarily be what you always heard you should be. Find what pleases you. Create goals and a path to get to them. Things may happen for a reason you don’t know at the time, so react properly to them to stay on, or get back to, your path to success.
Your path always may not be in a straight line. Some of those twists and turns can be beneficial. Regardless, they should always be memorable.
Peter
Tag Archives: adults
BLEND IN, OR STAND OUT?
#BlendIn #StandOut #BeDifferent #CelebrateDifferences
Most kids want to blend in.
Many adults want to stand out.
Blending in, by definition, makes you “average.”
Standing out, by definition, makes you exceptional.
Children, when interacting with other children, prefer to be included, rather than excluded, from “the crowd.”
When someone, like a child, looks different, or acts differently, from many of the other children, he or she is ostracized, picked on or otherwise treated badly in many cases.
This can hurt a child’s self-esteem – never mind his or her relationships with the other children.
But what if, as the child grows, he or she discovers that being different is not only good, but desirable?
What if being different makes a person not necessarily BETTER than the others, but encourages him or her to celebrate the differences? Perhaps it will encourage others to emulate him or her.
Those who become successful in life, however they define success, usually start out as “different” from most around them.
They come to celebrate their difference. They see “average” as something to shun.
Then, because they learn to celebrate their difference from others, others then want to emulate them.
This begs the question for everyone: do you want to blend in, or stand out?
What if there were a way to go from “average” to exceptional?
First, you have to WANT to be better than average. You have to WANT to hold your head high, rather than keeping your head low, out of fear that it will get chopped off.
Once you decide you want it badly enough, you have to find a way to do it. Then, you need to pursue that way consistently, without stopping.
There are many vehicles out there that allow anyone, regardless of education, experience or background, to go from average to exceptional.
To learn about one of the best such vehicles, message me.
Meanwhile, think about what you want from life. Do you just want to be like everyone else – blending in? Or, do you want more than what you can get by just blending in?
If you want more, you may have to decide to be different. That requires not listening to the blenders, but rather mixing your priorities a little differently.
Standing out also requires that you change how you see yourself. You have to see ways you can grow and be better. You have to see how you can use what you have, and what you know, to greater advantage. And, you have to emulate others who have stood out and reached where you want to be.
In short, it’s tough to stand out when you hang with blenders.
So find what makes you different. Celebrate it. Use it to your advantage. Be open to being different. Be open to standing out.
Peter
ARE YOU 20-SOMETHING AND STILL LIVING WITH MOM AND DAD?
#millennials #StillLivingAtHome #adults
OK, you’re 20-something, with no job, perhaps a college degree.
Let’s presume you don’t want to be living at home, but you don’t believe you can afford not to.
If you PREFER to live with your parents, that may be a discussion for another time.
Peter Dunn, an author, speaker, radio host and personal finance expert, tells young people to “knock it off,” as the headline reads, and stop laying their financial problems on their parents. He discussed this in a March 29, 2016, column in USA Today.
Dunn says that every late-night pizza, every beer and every other good-time splurge in college contributed to the young person’s financial dilemma.
“Your parents (speaking directly to the young folks) want to cut you off, but are afraid to,” Dunn writes. “It’s not good enough to stop asking for money. You must tell them you don’t need their money anymore.”
Admittedly, the problem is not as simple as it appears. Kids go to college expecting to come out with some kind of job. But, as the last few years have taught us, not only is that not guaranteed, it’s becoming more unlikely in certain fields.
On top of not having a job, the kids may have mountains of college debt lurking in their lives.
Certainly, if you are in college now, you need to be aware that you might not have a job when you get out. The earlier you plan for it, by, say, watching your spending while in school or getting work experience in some area that might employ you when you get out, the better off you will be.
It’s great to love your parents. It’s great for your parents to love you. The greatest love you can show your parents, perhaps, is not to burden their lives. They are trying to save for retirement. Every dollar they give you is one they cannot put to that cause.
As a young person, you can lament that your parents probably had it better than you as far as the job market goes. Or, you can buck up and find ways to support yourself in the current climate.
Believe it or not, there are many ways out there to do that that don’t necessarily involve manual labor. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You may have to look outside your comfort zone for a solution, but the possibilities are out there.
Let’s look at this from a social perspective. Do you really want to bring a date back to your place with your mom and dad there? Do you really want to confine your personal space to one room? Do you really just want to hang out at home the rest of your life?
A life is certainly worth working for, even if that work may not be exactly what you want to do. You can also find a solution (job) that is temporary, while you think about how you are going to use all those skills and all that knowledge you paid so dearly for. Chances are, you WILL find a use for it, but it may or may not make you a living.
“I’ve come to the conclusion that asking 18-year-olds to commit to tens of thousands of dollars of debt, without a job, income or assets, is among the stupidest things modern society does,” Dunn writes.
We hear that you can only get a good job with a good education. But some of those “good” jobs don’t pay much. If you are going to commit to a college education, have a plan. Know what you are going to do with it as you proceed. Also, beforehand, do the math. Decide whether the education is worth the debt. There’ no shame in deciding that college is NOT for you, or just not worth the financial sacrifice.
Whatever you do, give mom and dad a break. Come home to visit, even frequently. But make your home somewhere out of theirs.
Peter
THE KING LEGACY, ADULTS, CHILDREN
#MLK #Selma #adultsandkids
Today, we honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
A question to ponder: if King came back today, what would he think about how we handled his legacy?
Beverly Keel, a columnist for The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville, raised this question in a Jan. 18, 2015, column. Keel was 2 when King was assassinated in 1968. But after seeing the movie “Selma,” she was struck when the movie ended by saying that King was only 39 when he died.
But, as she says, King led and acted as an adult. Yet, many in the world today act like children or adolescents. As Keel points out, even country music, once filled with truth-telling songs by Hank Williams and Kris Kristofferson, is now filled with songs that objectify women and celebrate intoxication.
Today, there is a wide gap between the economic haves and have-nots. How do you see this gap? If you are a have, do you hold what you have up so high that the have-nots will never reach it, then laugh as they jump up futilely trying to grab it? Or do you help those have-nots try to get what you have?
If you are a have-not, do you look at the haves with jealousy and envy, and whine that they have what you don’t have? Or, are you open to looking for ways to get what they have?
One option is a childish behavior. The other option is an adult behavior.
If you prefer an adult behavior, no matter your circumstance, one option is to visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau.
King’s battle is still being fought today. There are those who behave like children, who see King’s battle as a power struggle, fought with weapons. There are others who behave like adults, who know they are morally right, and carry on, often behind the scenes, to make things right.
As long as there are adults, and there are children, even morally right battles may never be won. Making things right will never be easy. But the adults will ALWAYS carry on peacefully, help others and often see their own success.
You can look at your own situation, your own life, and determine whether you are behaving as an adult or a child. You may not always see the adult solutions to every problem, but, as an adult, you are always looking for them. If you look hard enough, and take advantage of opportunities presented to you, you eventually will find the “adult” solution that suits you.
If you look at your situation, your own life, as a child, you will always look at others having what you don’t, complain profusely about it and hope those others get their due someday.
Remember, too, that adults want others to have what they have. Children do not.
King worked very hard, suffered greatly and put himself in harm’s way to do the adult thing. He indeed paid the ultimate price Perhaps his biggest regret is not living to see the fruits of his sacrifice.
What would he think if he came back today? What would you want him to think, if he came back today?
Peter
WHY DESIRE TO BE AVERAGE
#average
The country group Alabama’s song, “Cheap Seats,” is an anthem to average.
It talks about middle-sized towns, minor league baseball and a local band that is, “not that bad, and not that good.” But, the average guys love to dance after watching their minor-league game so the average band is just fine.
How great the “average” life is.
Many people look for politicians who are “average” people, but usually can’t find them.
You see, “average” people can’t afford to give up their average jobs that support their average lifestyles, on the chance that enough “average” people will vote them in.
So, as a substitute, the “average” folks look for politicians who can RELATE to “average” people.
This begs two questions: how do we define “average,” and why is it desirable to be “average?”
The definition of “average” is fluid. In our smarter, technologically advancing world, it changes by the second. We often desire to be average because it’s safe, comfortable and we’ve been told by our elders that “average” is good. It grounds us. It gives us security. It tells us not to take chances or risks. And, by the way, all the people we want as our friends are all “average.”
“Average” people raise good children. Hopefully, those children will become good, yet “average,” adults. Average people mind their own business and, if they are lucky, maintain a good, average life in old age.
With the fluid definition of “average,” might there come a day when we won’t want to be “average” anymore?
When might the day come that we become better than average, even “great,” without becoming different people?
We all want what the above-average people have, but the essence of our “averageness” makes us not want to jump out of our comfort zone to go for it. Those who do are no longer considered “average,” and may even be resented by most “average” people.
But, in most cases, as we elevate out of “averageness,” we become different people in the process. This begs a final question: is that a bad thing?
Perhaps we don’t want to elevate because our friends will resent us. Perhaps we don’t want to elevate because doing so will require us to do “uncomfortable” things. Perhaps we don’t want to elevate out of fear of disappointing those we love.
Make no mistake: those who elevate from average will become different people. That difference may be resented by some friends. But, in the elevation process, one may make many new friends. The discomfort one may have felt in the elevation process will not only subside, but also eventually become very comfortable. Confidence in achievement greatly mitigates discomfort.
If you want to elevate, but see yourself currently as “average,” there are many vehicles available to help you rise above “averageness.” For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You’ll see lots of “average” people who have indeed elevated.
It was said of the late Sen. Howard Baker of Tennessee, that he was like the Tennessee River: right down the middle in his political viewpoint. Sometimes, being right down the middle can accomplish more than being an “average” person.
Peter