#weddings #WeddingCosts #GettingMarried #WeddingReceptions #PayingForAWedding
With all due respect to planners and others associated with the wedding industry, the cost of a wedding is getting out of hand.
The average cost of a wedding ranges from $15,800 in Wyoming to $43,000 in Rhode Island. Naturally, the costs go up depending on the bells and whistles the couple wants. These figures come from an article by Kim Forrest for The Knot Real World Wedding Study, updated Feb. 15, 2022.
If you’re a young person lucky enough to have mom and dad, or someone else, willing to pay for it, go for it.
However, most engaged couples, and their families, don’t have lots of money. Therefore, spending so much on a single-day event may seem a bit, well, reckless.
Certainly, to the couple, the day may be the most important day of their lives. It may be very likely the happiest day of their lives.
News reports about wedding costs say the best way to reduce costs is to shrink the guest list. That process can be fraught with family tension.
So, if the wedding budget is important, the couple, with immediate family and friends if they wish, needs to discuss what will and will not be part of the day.
The basics include good food, good music, a cake (serving the cake as dessert can cut some cost), a suitable venue, photographer and good beverage availability (a cash bar also can save money).
Decorations, flowers, a limo etc. may be nice-to-haves, but they offer cost flexibility and possible elimination, depending on choices. A good rule of thumb is: if the couple doesn’t care about these extras, don’t worry about what’s “appropriate” or “proper.”
A volunteer designated driver(s) to take the couple and wedding party, if there is one, to the ceremony, reception and airport, or wherever they plan to spend their wedding night, can eliminate the need for a limo.
Another option: get married quietly, with a few witnesses, and throw a party later, when you may have more financial flexibility. Chances are, the later party will have fewer guests and be, perhaps, much cheaper.
All this begs a question: why have a big wedding anyway? If one or both of the couple has student loan debt, would it not be better to put the money toward that?
Also, with the housing prices as they are today, wouldn’t putting the wedding money toward a house purchase be a better investment?
Certainly, there are reasons to have a big wedding, if you choose. As previously stated, it may be the most important day in the couple’s life, and, therefore, worthy of a big celebration. There is also the thought that if invited guests all gave gifts, that the couple would get back (in money or merchandise) what they shelled out for the day.
At today’s costs, that argument may not hold up.
In short, if you are an engaged couple, give lots of thought about whether to have a big wedding, or how elaborate it will be.
Evaluate all other potential uses of the money you will shell out. Will there be better long-term value to put that money in something other than a one-day party? (Some weddings last more than a day, but it’s still a short-term event).
Also, though it may be difficult to think about, what will the day be worth if the marriage, for some reason, doesn’t last?
Wedded bliss does not have to come with extravagant cost. The thought process leading up to the eventful day may be the most valuable thing a couple can create.
Peter
Tag Archives: marriage
RETIRE ASAP? GO FOR IT!
#EarlyRetirement #retirement #jobs #work #time
Are you planning, or would you like to, retire early?
Most, probably, would say, “of course.”
Others don’t plan to retire, unless forced to.
Still others would insist on a definition of “early.”
Wes Moss, who writes a Money Matters column for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, and has a same-titled radio show on WSB radio in Atlanta, gives five reasons to retire as soon as possible. He discussed them in his Oct. 10, 2021, column.
Moss’ five reasons: drive time, no love lost for your job, a roller-coaster schedule, a lack of recognition for what you do and being capped out in terms of financial advancement.
Let’s talk about each of these. First, commuting can be a bear. It takes time from your life as a whole, it adds stress to your body and it’s costly, in terms of fuel and wear-and-tear on your vehicle.
Moss also says that grueling commutes can cause stress in a marriage. According to one study, people who drive at least 45 minutes each way to work are 40 percent more likely to get a divorce, Moss writes.
Work-from-home, or remote-working trends inspired by the COVID-19 pandemic may change commuting patterns for the long term. If your employer is flexible in this area, you might decide to work longer. Think of having a beach house, or mountain cabin, from which you could work. Would that interest you?
Perhaps you don’t really love your job, or even like it, as Moss points out. Would working from home change that perception? If you are just grinding out a living at a job that, to be kind, doesn’t inspire you, Moss suggests perhaps finding a new way to parlay your skills by consulting, or starting your own business.
Remote-working options may alleviate another of Moss’ concerns – the roller-coaster schedule. Many people have jobs in which they have to be on site at specific times. Those times could vary from week to week, turning one’s body clock upside down. If you have one of those jobs, chances are you don’t like it. If you can get out sooner, you should.
Being recognized for your good work is also important. Your boss saying nice things about you and your work are fine, but you probably need more tangible rewards. If those are not forthcoming, maybe it’s time to go.
You may also be at the very end of the pay scale for your job category. If so, then ask yourself: am I just marking time for my pension? Or, especially if there is no pension, could I go somewhere else and advance financially? If you are at the top of your pay scale, you may be near retirement age anyway. If you can afford to retire, do it.
There are many things to learn ahead of “early” retirement regarding health insurance expenses and, more importantly, what you will do with your time.
You also have to study the likelihood, even though it’s tough to predict, whether one day you will come to work and be forcibly retired, or otherwise unemployed. Know that if this happens to you, you are not likely to be forewarned.
So, think about your situation, and do what is best for you. At the same time, realize that there are ways to escape bad work situations, if you need to.
In short, if you like your job, stay as long as they will have you. If you don’t like your job, stay open to other options. They are out there.
Peter
BACK AND FORTH: DECISIONS, DECISIONS
#decisions #OverThinking #marriage #willpower #jobs
When someone goes back and forth with a decision, some may call him analytical.
Others may call him indecisive.
Still others may call him thoughtful or deliberate.
Naturally, we all should think before we do. But, sometimes, over-thinking can steal opportunities.
The science, or art, if you prefer, of thought is knowing when to make a decision.
Some decisions, like whom to marry, are often made on not necessarily impulse, but emotion. Sometimes, more thought is required. Other times, if you feel the person is right for you and you could lose him or her by pausing to think, you may go with your emotion and hope not to regret later.
Other decisions require immediate action. An investment opportunity comes along that could cost you if you wait to think more. This requires some quick calculation, or complete trust in the person who brought you the opportunity. It’s natural not to trust someone else, but here’s where you have to trust yourself as much or more as you trust someone else.
Then, there are the choices that require willpower, such as the choice to pass up the cake in the buffet line in lieu of a salad. Here, the decision involves how often you eat cake, how seldom you treat yourself, how often you do other things to compensate for the cake etc.
Besides whether or whom to marry, there are other life choices we all have to make. Let’s start with our jobs. Are we doing a job just because it pays us? Are we doing a job because we actually like what we are doing? Are we doing a job because, well, someone has to do it?
All jobs pay, and most don’t pay nearly enough to live the lives we would like to live. If that resembles your situation, you can do one of many things: first, you can stay at it and hope things will improve; second, you can stay at it while continuing to look for something better; third, you can stay at it while squirreling away savings, and investing those savings, until you have enough to retire; or, lastly, you can stay at it while doing something else part-time, outside of work, that will enhance your income and, perhaps, dwarf your current paycheck.
There are many such vehicles out there that can help you accomplish Plan B, the last alternative. To check out one of the best, message me.
Whatever road you choose, decisions are required. First, you have to decide how badly you want something, and whether what you are doing is going to get you that something before you die.
If the answer to the latter question is no, then you have to decide how open you may be to alternatives. Certainly, alternatives can look, or even be, scary. But knowing that what you are doing isn’t going to give you what you want may be even scarier.
Of course, you can decide to settle with your situation. That may be the devil you know, so you can sort of live with it, and never realize your dream. At least by doing that, you may not have to make any “scary” decisions, or so you think.
But if your life goals are powerful enough, fear of the unknown will become less of an, or no, issue.
Many life decisions require openness and optimism. Answers to prayers can present themselves in different ways.
The science, or art, if you prefer, is knowing when the answer to prayer is there for the taking.
Decisions, decisions. Know yourself. Trust yourself. Be open to new things and follow your dreams.
Peter
COMMITMENT VS. OBLIGATION
Most of us have both commitments and obligations.
What’s the difference? A commitment is something YOU do for yourself. An obligation is something OTHERS put upon you.
When you get married, you agree to be committed to your spouse. You will do what you need to do to make the relationship work, and build a life. You accept any obligations that your spouse puts upon you, because you want to be committed to that person. For example, one spouse may elect to stay home with the children, while the other spouse goes to work to support the family. Each spouse accepts the obligations of those roles, because they want to be committed to the family.
In religion, a church may put obligations upon you. But, if you choose to be committed to the faith, you accept the obligations.
If your parents, children or other family members need something from you, or need you to be available to serve their needs, those are obligations. If you are committed to the relationship with that person, you accept those. If your commitment to the relationship wanes, those obligations become burdensome.
When we retire, it’s best to retire with no prejudices, pretenses or burdensome obligations. With no prejudices, you might tend to try something, or do something, that never occurred to you to try or do before. Or, you may not have had time or opportunity when you were working to try or do those things. With no pretenses, you can be yourself. Very often, working people have to pretend to be someone or like some things to please bosses. Any obligations you have in retirement should not be burdensome, if you can help it. It should depend on how committed you want to be to those obligations.
We all need to periodically take a look at our lives, how we spend our time and with whom we spend our time. Are the things we do more chore than pleasure? Are the people we spend time with good or bad influences on you? Though it’s nearly impossible to eliminate every chore, or like every person we see, we can choose our commitments most of the time. Don’t be afraid to say “No,” if doing something, or being with someone, will not necessarily be good for you. At the same time, don’t be hurt when you hear “No,” if you try to obligate another person.
One should not fear commitment, but neither should one commit to everything. One should choose commitments wisely, lest we increase our burdensome obligations.
Once one commits, he must follow through, unless relieving himself of the commitment is in his best interest. Not every (pick one: marriage, relationship, activity) is worth staying with if it does not work for you. If you give something, you must WANT to give it, lest it becomes a burden.
Burdensome obligations become clutter in our lives when there is not the commitment to back them up.
We all certainly make commitments we regret. We stay with them for as long as we have to, because we are dependable people. That’s why it’s adviseable to analyze our relationships and activities periodically, and try to eliminate the ones that clutter our lives as best we can.
If you are looking to re-prioritize your life with a commitment you want to make, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. It may or may not be for you. If it is, go for it. If not, pass it by. Other commitments in your life that have become obligations that may not be so easily relieved. Remember that one commitment can eventually be replaced by a better one, if you are willing to look at your life, and at other things, periodically.
Choose your commitments wisely, or they may become burdensome obligations.
Peter