#repent #forgive #180degreeturn
When we think of repentance, with think of the religious context of sinning and repenting.
Certainly, when we sin, it should give us pause.
But repentance has two parts, according to Rory Vaden, a self-discipline strategist and cofounder of Southwestern Consulting. He discussed repentance in an April 19, 2015, column in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
The first part of repentance is apology. You’ve done something wrong and you beg forgiveness. But it’s the second part that we often forget about, Vaden says. That involves a 180-degree turn away from the actions from which you are repenting.
In other words, don’t just say you’re sorry and go back to doing the wrong you did. Addicts can apologize all day long, but unless they beat their addiction, they have truly not repented.
What could this mean for you? Perhaps you’ve done nothing “wrong,” yet your life does not seem right.
Perhaps no one but you notices. Perhaps YOU don’t even notice. Perhaps you’ve done everything you were told was right, yet something is missing.
That might make you ask yourself: if I’ve done everything the way I was told, why am I feeling this way? Why SHOULD I feel this way? What could possibly make me feel this way?
The feeling gnaws. One cannot control feelings. You believe there is something better out there for you, but you may not have a clue how to find it.
Yet, you rationalize, and tell yourself that mom, dad, your family and friends are still proud of you. In fact, you may have accomplished a great deal, yet you are still unfulfilled.
You may feel you have nothing to apologize to others for, for you have not sinned against them. They may even tell you how great you are, and that you are doing the right thing.
Still, you dream of better. Your family and friends may laugh at those dreams. They may encourage you to stop dreaming and get real.
Yet, your dreams are real. They come from deep inside. You know what you want, but not quite how to get it.
It may be the time to apologize to YOURSELF, then make that 180-degree turn in your life.
Your life may be like a big ship. It may not turn quickly. But it certainly can turn gradually.
The great news, if you have dreams you would like to fulfill, is there are many ways of doing so.
If you have big dreams, you may need to look for ways to fulfill them. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau.
There, you will find others like you who had good lives, yet wanted more. Then, they found the way to get what they wanted, and helped others like them do the same.
The movie “Love Story” has a famous line that says “love means never having to say you’re sorry.” But telling yourself you are sorry, and fully repenting by making that 180-degree turn, can fulfill the need you have inside.
Your dreams are real. They can be fulfilled. Never, ever be sorry for dreaming.
Peter
Author Archives: pbilodeau01
WHEN YOU FALL, GET BACK UP
#downisnotout #getbackup #anenemycalledaverage
“The most natural thing to do when you get knocked down is get back up.”
So says John Mason, executive coach and author, who wrote the book, “An Enemy Called Average: The Keys to Unlocking Your Dreams.”
There’s always something out there either trying to take you down, or that will take you down by accident.
Perhaps you are in a job, and all you can think about is trying to survive a bad manager, or that next reorganization.
Perhaps you have a friend or relative with a horrible disease, and all you can think about are the horrible things that would happen to you if YOU got the disease.
Whatever the situation, there is probably something good to come of it. You just may not be seeing it.
In fact, there may be something even better down the road that you are not seeing, or may not even be looking for.
But you have to start with getting back up if you are knocked down, or standing tall in the face of what appears to you to be a dismal future.
Something in each of us will tell us to give up when the chips are down. Some of us are naturally optimistic. Others have to work at it.
We all have to realize, too, that we need to always be looking. Not looking, as in window shopping. Not looking, as in browsing the Internet for a magic solution. Instead, we should realize the myriad opportunities out there that we may not know about. When someone brings one of those to you, check it out.
It’s OK to say, no, that’s not for me. But to say, no, without looking is to say, “woe is me,” and giving up.
As Mason says, “average” is your enemy. Greatness is your friend. And, great is something EVERYONE can be, even if your current circumstances will not get you there.
Certainly, your current circumstances may be putting food on your table, a roof over your head and giving you other necessities in life. Don’t hastily throw that away. But, when you are not helping someone else line his pocket, take a little time to find something that will line yours.
That doesn’t necessarily mean taking a second job, though many do. A second job usually means lining yet another person’s pocket. Make sure that whatever you do in life has something wonderful at the end for you and, as a bonus, allows you to help others find their own dreams.
OK, how does one find what one is looking for? First, one has to be actually looking. And, one has to have a dream big enough to want to not just look, but act when he finds what may give him that dream. For a great place to start looking, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You may not see all your answers there, but you will see ingredients that could give you what you are looking for.
So, when you fall down, do you just lie there, cry, whine and say “woe is me.” Or, do you get up, dust off and carry on? Do what Mason says is the natural thing. Don’t let what may take you down, keep you there. Get up, look around, know that the future is bright, if you make it so.
Peter
PERSISTENCE PAYS OFF
#persistence #don’tquit #don’tgiveup
If you know what you have is good, stick with it.
Don’t give up, even after setbacks.
Of course, if you find that what you have has something to be desired, try something else.
Tom Black discussed persistence in an April 5, 2015, column in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
Black writes that he tells every salesperson he meets: “Persistence and determination are omnipotent.”
He tells the story of Ron Wayne, the third founder of Apple Computer with Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. Wayne sold his Apple shares after the first year for $300. Had he held on, he’d be one of the richest men in the world today – worth more than $40 billion.
Wayne obviously knew he had something good. But, as he admitted, “my whole life has been a day late and a dollar short,” Black quotes him.
There are many other stories out there of successful people either starting with nothing and becoming successful, or becoming successful, going broke and becoming successful again.
Most people either don’t become successful, or settle for mediocrity in their lives. Perhaps they were encouraged to crave security, do what you need to do to make a living, so that no one thinks you are a failure.
Certainly, most of these folks work hard. Some of them might even work too hard. But something is missing from the equation. Usually, it has to do with goals and dreams.
Each day, ask yourself why you do what you do. Is doing what you do going to give you want you want from life? If so, keep doing it. If not, look for something good. When you find it, stick with it and pursue it with persistence, no matter what happens to deter you, and no matter what people say about what you are doing.
Mind you, most people would advise you not to quit your day job to pursue your dream. The good news is, you won’t have to, if you find the right vehicle. If you find it, eventually you may be able to quit that day job, escape mediocrity and do something more than just make a living.
The ingredients for such a life starts with realizing you could do better than what you are settling for. Once that hits you, find what you REALLY want to do. Start pursuing it part time. If success doesn’t come quickly, don’t give up. Be persistent.
Hone your persistence by doing something related to your goal every day. That doesn’t mean using every waking hour off your day job to pursue your goal, though, for some, it’s that important. But, look for activities in your life that you can cut, or eliminate, to give you the time for your goal.
If you are not finding the vehicle to help you reach your goal, there are many out there, if you are willing to look, and know where to look. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau.
In short, find your goal, find your vehicle, devote time out of your daily life to it and eventually reap the rewards. Those rewards may not be instant, and they may not come without setbacks. But if you know that what you have is good, and are persistent, you’ll eventually see results.
Staying power is lacking in most people. If you don’t believe that, ask Ron Wayne.
Peter
HOW GREAT ARE YOU?
#greatness #self-confidence #doingrightbyothers
There’s a difference between self-confidence and greatness.
Great people never proclaim their greatness. But others may. Self-confident people express confidence to themselves, and just show it to others.
Don Yaeger, a former associate editor for Sports Illustrated magazine, has interviewed thousands of great people in his career. In his book, “What Makes the Great Ones Great,” he lists 16 characteristics of greatness. They are: hating to lose more than wanting to win, appreciating the values of association, placing faith in a higher power, having contagious enthusiasm, preparing for all possibilities, having no off-season, visualizing victory, using adversity as fuel, being a responsible risk-taker, knowing how and when to make adjustments, becoming the ultimate teammate, being motivated by more than money, doing right by others, living with integrity, being a role model and creating a well-rounded legacy.
We won’t focus specifically on all 16 here, but we will draw out what a great person, defined as a person capable of doing something great as determined by others, based on Yaeger’s characteristics.
This person has drive. He or she is capable of motivating others by allowing others to observe how he or she acts.
The person gives and does for others enthusiastically, without expecting anything in return. He or she goes home each night knowing he or she has done the best possible.
He or she knows the goal and knows the drill. He or she doesn’t say to others, “Try again. I’ll know what I’m looking for when I see it.” If what’s produced is not up to standard, he or she says exactly what needs to be done to make it so.
This person won’t criticize you. He or she will care about you for who you are. He or she will do all possible to make YOU the best YOU can be. Very likely, personal reward will come his or her way, though that’s not the goal.
This person knows bad things will happen. But his or her strength comes from turning bad to good, using whatever it takes and staying with what works. He or she will look to others to find the how, but will have a firm grasp on why.
He or she doesn’t have to be well educated on paper, but will read a lot of the right things and learn a lot from others. He or she is not content to be content. He or she not only wants what he or she wants, but also wants it for others.
Not only does this person completely understand right from wrong, he or she does the right thing, even without thinking about it, and when no one is looking.
He or she is the same person among family, friends or strangers. He or she doesn’t ask anyone to follow him or her, the way, say, a dictator might. People follow him or her BECAUSE of who they are. No duress, no distress, just success for all.
We all have potential for greatness. We all have potential to achieve all that we want. We all can find the best role models to emulate. Yet, not all of us do what we are capable of. If you want more than contentment and are searching for a vehicle to give it to you, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You’ll see people enthusiastically doing what they need to do, to get what they want.
Don’t let others, or circumstances, stop you. Achieve greatness. Get the help you need and follow what the best are doing. Do right by others. Bring others with you as you achieve. Know why you are doing it, and let reward come to you.
Peter
THE MARSHMALLOW TEST, PART 2: PUTTING YOUR MIND ON SELF-CONTROL
Though the marshmallow test was taken by 4-year-olds, other research into willpower focused on adults.
The research was highlighted in the book, “The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-Control,” by Walter Mischel, and discussed in a Feb. 15, 2015, column in The Tennessean newspaper of Nashville by Gregg Steinberg, professor of human performance at Austin Peay State University in Tennessee and author of “Full Throttle.”
Steinberg suggested several ways to improve one’s willpower. In the first, he advises to focus on the future. Many of us only think about today, and how we can be instantly gratified. The world moves quickly, and the advancement of the Internet and social media gives us instant results.
That can be good and bad. It’s good that we can get information instantly, but not so good if your employer reorganizes frequently and costs you a job.
This instantaneous world requires us to think about the future, because it has become so unpredictable. So, if you want to work until you want to retire, it may not happen. Expect your “retirement” to come sooner than you want, and expect that you probably won’t know when it’s coming.
That means that while you have a paycheck, put some of it away where you can’t touch it, and where you can watch it grow. It will help cushion that unexpected retirement.
Steinberg also advises to give yourself rewards. When you accomplish a goal, treat yourself. He quotes an example of hungry students. One group was given cookies and candy, the other radishes. They were asked to solve unsolvable anagrams. The ones who ate the sweets were better able to stay on task, since chocolate is more fun to eat than radishes.
Of course, part of having willpower is frequently avoiding sweet treats. But if you do something good, it’s OK to celebrate, briefly.
Finally, Steinberg says self-control is a mind-set. He quotes a study of students at final exam time. He says the students who believed their willpower was limitless did better than those who believed the opposite.
In sum, those of us with futuristic thoughts, who give ourselves periodic rewards for doing good and who put our minds to it will have good willpower.
If you are having trouble coming up with a Plan B, in case your Plan A fails you in the future, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. Perhaps if you see the good in there, your thoughts of the future will turn to dreams.
So celebrate appropriately. Learn to believe that waiting for something good is not only possible, but desirable.
Know where you want to be, and perhaps what you want to be doing 10, 15 or 20 years hence. Then, work toward that end. You may hit some bumps along the way, but your strong mind can guide you toward your own solutions.
Have the will. Find the way. Don’t be easily tempted to stray. The journey often is more fun than the destination. Press on with care and patience.
Peter
THE MARSHMALLOW TEST, PART 1: THE POWER OF WILLPOWER
#marshmallowtest #willpower #achievegoals
Would you pass “The Marshmallow Test?”
In his book, “The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-Control,” Walter Mischel describes decades of research related to willpower.
Gregg Steinberg, professor of human performance at Austin Peay State University in Tennessee and author of “Full Throttle,” discussed Mischel’s research in a column in The Tennessean Newspaper in Nashville Feb. 15, 2015.
The Marshmallow Test involves 4-year-olds. They sit at a table, each with a marshmallow in front of them. The adults leave the room for upwards of 20 minutes. The children are told, as the adults are leaving, that they will get another marshmallow if they stay in their seats, and refrain from eating the marshmallow in front of them. The children also had the option of ringing a bell on the table, after which the experimenters would return and the children could eat their marshmallows.
How would you do?
You can go to youtube.com and check out a few videos of this process, Steinberg wrote.
Steinberg writes that the researchers discovered that the more seconds the child waited before ringing the bell, the higher they rated on social and cognitive functioning when they were retested decades later, Steinberg writes.
The study found that those children who waited longest to eat their treat had higher SAT scores, lower body mass index a better sense of self-worth, pursued their goals more effectively and dealt better with stress, Steinberg writes.
As adults, some of us hate marshmallows and could sit there for hours without touching it, or ringing the bell. In the meantime, we could amuse ourselves checking e-mail on our phones, texting our friends etc.
So, we could pass the literal marshmallow test with flying colors.
We might even be able to pass the test if the marshmallow were substituted for something we love, be it chocolate, steak, etc.
We might even tell ourselves that as adults, we have far more patience than a child.
But let’s take it a step further. What goal do you have sitting in front of you that you’d love to achieve, but may find difficult to achieve?
Is it making lots of money, or having a secure retirement? Is it moving up the ladder in your company, or even just surviving in your company for as long as you want to?
Do you want your goal badly enough to do what you know you need to do to achieve it? Do you have what it takes to deal with the inevitable pitfalls that will come your way, yet not stray from your mission to achieve that goal?
If so, consider yourself passing The Marshmallow Test. Should you find yourself short of tactics to help you achieve your goal, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You’ll see one of the many ways to achieve goals that your current circumstances may not help you achieve.
Life, like marshmallows, can be a bit squishy. But goals, and the willpower to achieve them, keep you firm. Stay firm. Step over life’s squishiness. Stay patient. Achieve your goals. They are there for those who wait, and work smartly.
Peter
CHANGE CAN BE HARD! EMBRACE IT!
#change #gettingunstuck #changehappensquickly
A few decades ago, change came slowly to the world.
It evolved over time. Chances are, people could ride out the evolution without having to worry much about the change when it came. They believed they would be long gone from it.
Today, change happens quickly. Just when you think you will be set for life – or for at least as long as you want to be – boom! Your very secure job is gone! Life as you knew it will never be again.
But with frequent and sudden change comes opportunity, as well as hardship.
George and Sedena Cappannelli discuss all of this in their book, “Getting Unstuck: 10 Simple Secrets to Embracing Change and Celebrating Your Life.”
The authors talk about how many of us were taught by our parents to look for security, to gravitate to what was “safe,” and to pay little or no attention to those who would encourage us to take risks.
You see, our parents lived in a world in which change evolved slowly. The tried and true was constant. You earned a living, instead of fulfilling your dreams.
Today, change is frequent and quick. One must adapt constantly. It’s more challenging for us, yet we have more opportunity to fulfill our dreams, rather than to just make a living.
How do we fulfill our dreams when our supposed security blanket is pulled from underneath us?
First, we need to presume that there is no such thing as a security blanket. We can’t, for example, look at a job, or even a career, as something long-lasting. We live in a world now in which change is so constant, tomorrow there could be a new way to do what you do.
So, learn skills and get experience. Keep thinking of new ways to use your skills, whether in a particular job, or on your own. Remember, always, that the day will come – and you don’t know when – in which you could be literally on your own. When that comes, it won’t matter how good you were at your job, or how valuable you believed you were to your company.
The Cappannellis also talk about how security blankets inhibit dreams. Did your (pick one: parents, teachers, preachers) ever tell you to stop dreaming and get real? Well, you got “real” and suddenly, you’re alone. Reality has slapped you in the face. With that lesson learned, go ahead and dream again.
How do you make dreams come true when, you believe, you have lost your method of making a living? There are many ways out there not only to dream, but to make dreams come true. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You’ll see how other people, just like you and your friends, got real, got slapped and made their dreams come true.
OK, perhaps you have no reason to throw away what you have. Great. Keep it. Just don’t presume it will never go away, or that you can have it for as long as you want it.
When you are not doing your “real” thing, what are you thinking about? If you think about a life in paradise, or a life of service – free from the need to make a living – it’s OK to dream. You can get that life. Just have your Plan B in place so that when reality slaps, you can smile.
Peter
PUBLIC VS. PRIVATE: BE AN IMPACT INVESTOR
#investors #publicprivate #impactinvesting
Who will solve the great problems of the nation and the world?
Will it be governments or private citizens?
Or, will it be a little of both?
It was thought that private citizens would never solve anything unless they can make money – gobs of money.
Governments, on the other hand, don’t have any money, but spend it anyway, sometimes futilely.
New York Times columnist David Brooks discussed the new concept of “impact investing.” That is private money going into investments that attack some of the world’s problems. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution published his column Feb. 3, 2015.
Brooks says that the private market, prone to devastating crashes and producing widening inequality, combined with gridlocked, ineffective government aren’t getting the job done.
So a group of smart people with opposable minds – part profit-oriented and part purpose-oriented – have created organizations that look a little like businesses, a little like social-service providers and a little like charities – or some mixture of the three, Brooks writes.
They are creating new impact funds, social stock exchanges and include players like Goldman Sachs and Credit Suisse. The first wave of this sector was led by Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Now you have an array of capitalist tools ranging from B Corporations like Warby Parker, which gives free glasses to the poor, to social impact bonds. Brooks writes. He quotes at 2010 report by the Rockefeller Foundation and JPMorgan that says impact investing capital could amount to $1 trillion by 2020.
So what’s happening here? Did government failures in helping its people make wealthy people feel guilty – guilty enough to accept a potentially lower profit to help lots of people?
Capitalism is a marvelous institution that has gotten a bad rap. People are beginning to realize that it’s not how rich you become that matters, but how you become rich. Did you do well by doing good? Were you helping others succeed as you were succeeding? Once you’ve achieved success, did you hoard all your gains, or did you use them to help those worthy of your help?
It’s clear not everyone is going to get rich. But there are many vehicles out there that allow ANYONE to get rich. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. Check out a model in which success only comes by helping others succeed.
Think back to the days when you were young, and just starting out in the workforce. You probably had an entry-level job for, say, a small business. When the time came for you to move on to other things to better your life, how did your boss treat you when you left? Was he wishing you well, telling you he was proud to have you work for him and offer any lifelong assistance (not necessarily financial) that you might need? Or, was he the type that was upset that you were quitting and leaving him short-staffed? The former likely was a pleasure to work for, because he looked out for you, and you, in turn, made sure you did your best for him. The latter likely had employees who were indifferent toward the boss, didn’t care whether his business succeeded and probably worked under a good deal of stress.
If you become a boss, which kind would you like to be? If you become an investor, which kind would you like to be? People who work hard on being better people tend to have success follow them. Those who don’t, and still achieve success, probably have lots of current and former employees, who got relatively little in return, to thank.
Peter
YOU’RE BEING TRACKED: HOW DO YOU LOOK
We are all being tracked.
Complete privacy is a thing of the past.
The best we can hope for is that we look good to the world.
Kate O’Neill, founder and principal of KO Insights, discussed this in a Dec. 21, 2014, column in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
“We have the means to measure, by some proxy, how we live up to our intentions and how we impact others,” O’Neill writes. “The strategy we set today provides the framework for improvement tomorrow,” she says.
Our life trail will certainly show imperfections. It will show what we did right, what we did wrong. The question becomes: did we do better today than yesterday, and will we do even better tomorrow?
It’s one thing for a person to succeed. But did he help others succeed in the process, or did he succeed because he took advantage of others?
Sophisticated devices, social media and other modern conveniences leave us more exposed than ever. We leave trails of data everywhere. We use the Internet to find jobs or customers, who can learn so much about us in a very short time.
It’s all good, right? For those who wish to remain as private as possible, it’s not necessarily good. For those who wish to conceal some things about them, it’s not so good. But most of us want to be out there, for everyone to see. We want to be able to communicate with others easily, even if we can’t meet face to face.
Of course, personal contact and face-to-face meetings are far superior to other communication forms. After all, we can’t read people online. Personal interactions are much more fun than our impersonal ones.
So what do you look like to the world? What mark are you leaving for all to see? Are you helping others?
We must be careful as we look at others not to judge quickly. As New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof wrote recently, his high school friend in Oregon who died at 54 could look, at first glance, like a typical moocher. But Kristof, and those who knew him well, knew him as a hard worker, who just got down on his luck. Kristof called him a victim of economic inequality.
There are many ways those of us who might be down on our luck economically to recover, without asking for a handout. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. Success could be there for the taking if you are sufficiently motivated.
Paul Anka’s lyric in “My Way,” made famous by Frank Sinatra, says, “The record shows, I took the blows, and did it my way.” If “your way,” is to help others, may you take the blows deftly, without injury. Success likely will grace you. If “your way” is to do all for yourself, and little for others, may the record show improvement today, and even more tomorrow.
Peter
JEALOUSY, ENVY AND CHANNELING EMOTIONS
#jealousy #envy #emotions
We can debate whether jealousy and envy are the same, but both can be negative, or positive, emotions.
We may be jealous if our significant other chooses someone else. But if our significant other chooses someone else, what can you do about it? It’s probably best not to be where one is not wanted, and move on.
Andrew Stark, in the Dec. 10, 2014, edition of The Wall Street Journal, reviewed the book “Jealousy,” by Peter Toohey. Stark says Toohey talks about jealousy among employees. Studies suggest, Stark quotes from the book, that workers feel pressure to fall short of expectation so as not to arouse the jealousy of their peers.
Is it really better to slack off a bit, so as not to stand out? If so, you may be working in the wrong place. Perhaps you really don’t want others to look bad, because you don’t want others to be jealous. Perhaps you don’t want to elicit envy by outperforming others. If you feel that way, remember that jealousy and envy are the emotions of others. Just as with a significant other, it may be best not to stay where you are not wanted.
Conservatives in the media talk a lot about the evils of wealth envy. With wealth envy, one wishes ill on others who have more than they. There are a couple ways to look at this. If those of whom one is envious has gotten his wealth off the backs of, or at the expense of others, do you really want to be envious of him? Perhaps you’d rather be envious of the person of stronger moral character.
Secondly, envy of the wealthier person can be a strong motivator. If you want what that person has, perhaps you need to find a vehicle to get you closer to where that person is in resources. There are many such empowering vehicles through which people help others, and are rewarded for it. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau.
As Stark points out, Toohey’s book says jealousy and envy can be, and often are, destructive emotions. But they can also serve as motivators.
The lessons here abound. If one uses emotions for the good, they can lead to advancement of circumstances, and of the person. If one uses emotions destructively, they can cause harm to others, and harm to those who feel them.
Many of us hope that we never let emotions get in the way of our progress. But we are not human if we don’t feel emotion. So, instead of making the effort NOT to feel something, use what you feel as a motivator, rather than a destroyer.
That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t THINK about how we feel. We should most definitely think about why we feel as we do, and how to channel those feelings most productively.
At the same time, we should let others channel their feelings as they believe best. We should not let our positive behavior decline because others may not like it. The most successful people have been outcasts, and one must determine that success is far more important than how others may feel about it.
Finally, the most success comes by helping others. If we help others be successful, to borrow from Zig Ziglar, our success will follow.
So if you are feeling jealous, don’t get mad. Move on. Or, be glad you have something to aim for. If you envy someone, do what you need to do to be more like him. In either case, be careful. Know that what you might be aiming for will be good for you, and for others.
Peter