Tag Archives: Rory Vaden

SUCCESS A MATTER OF CHOICE

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#Success #ChooseSuccess #SuccessIsStateOfMind

Many of us look at people we deem successful and believe we cannot be like them.

Either we believe our circumstances are holding us down, or we believe we are not as smart as successful people are, or that luck is not on our side.

Rory Vaden, co-founder of Southwest Consulting, spoke to one of the most successful people he knows, Spencer Hays, founder of Tom James fine clothing and executive chairman of The Southwestern Co. Vaden discussed that conversation in a column in the June 28, 2015, edition of The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.

According to Vaden, Hays believes that success is simply a choice. It’s the choice to do whatever it takes – or not – to be successful.

To most of us, that’s a very simplistic answer. We all would choose success over failure. But it’s not a matter of wanting success in the abstract. It’s a matter of defining success in one’s own mind, and going out and getting it.

In other words, make up your mind to be successful and do what you need to do.

Vaden said the idea of making up one’s mind to be successful was the one thing that Hays said that struck him in his conversation.

It appears to many that making up one’s mind to be successful is very difficult. How many people do you know start something and give up without finishing it, especially when things got tough? These people wanted to be successful at the beginning, but later discovered that what they had to do to get there was not worth the effort or the sacrifice.

An idea has to travel from one’s head, to one’s heart, to one’s gut. When one finds what he wants to do, he does what he needs to do to accomplish it, no matter what happens.

Another scenario: how many people do you know who had a goal, but listened to those who told him he could never accomplish it? The naysayers believe they mean well, and some actually do. But the successful person believes more in what he wants to achieve than he does others’ opinions of him or his goal.

We can certainly find people who might tell the person who lost a job that it was his own fault. Most of us have circumstances we can’t control. Those are not important. What’s important is how we respond when those circumstances hit.

We can complain, and convince ourselves that the world is against us. Or, we can look for something that will give us the motivation we need to conquer our circumstances.

A third scenario: a person has the motivation, work ethic and has made up his mind to be successful. He just needs a vehicle to help him find success. If you are one of those, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. It’s one of many, and one of the best, such vehicles for personal success and for helping others find success.

Choosing success is not like choosing from a restaurant menu. You can’t just say you want something and someone else is going to bring it to you. Choosing success is choosing to do what you need to do, regardless of whom or what surrounds you. It’s about believing in your goal, and pursuing it above all other things – except perhaps faith, family and friends.

It’s having faith in what you know is good, regardless of what others think. If you choose success, you’ve chosen wisely.

Peter

SECRET OF SUCCESS? MAKING UP ONE’S MIND

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Many of us look at people we deem successful and believe we cannot be like them.
Either we believe our circumstances are holding us down, or we believe we are not as smart as successful people are or that luck is not on our side.
Rory Vaden, co-founder of Southwest Consulting, spoke to one of the most successful people he knows, Spencer Hays, founder of Tom James fine clothing and executive chairman of The Southwestern Co. Vaden discussed that conversation in a column in the June 28, 2015, edition of The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
According to Vaden, Hays believes that success is simply a choice. It’s the choice to do whatever it takes – or not – to be successful.
To most of us, that’s a very simplistic answer. We all would choose success over failure. But it’s not a matter of wanting success in the abstract. It’s a matter of defining success in one’s own mind, and going out and getting it.
In other words, make up your mind to be successful and do what you need to do.
Vaden said the idea of making up one’s mind to be successful was the one thing that Hays said that struck him in his conversation.
It appears to many that making up one’s mind to be successful is very difficult. How many people do you know start something and give up without finishing it, especially when things got tough? These people wanted to be successful at the beginning, but later discovered that what they had to do to get there was not worth the effort or the sacrifice.
An idea has to travel from one’s head, to one’s heart, to one’s gut. When one finds what he wants to do, he does what he needs to do to accomplish it, no matter what happens.
Another scenario: how many people do you know who had a goal, but listened to those who told him he could never accomplish it? The naysayers believe they mean well, and some actually do. But the successful person believes more in what he wants to achieve than he does others’ opinions of him or his goal.
We can certainly find people who might tell the person who lost a job that it was his own fault. Most of us have circumstances we can’t control. Those are not important. What’s important is how we respond when those circumstances hit.
We can complain, and convince ourselves that the world is against us. Or, we can look for something that will give us the motivation we need to conquer our circumstances.
A third scenario: a person has the motivation, work ethic and has made up his mind to be successful. He just needs a vehicle to help him find success. If you are one of those, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. It’s one of many, and one of the best, such vehicles for personal success and for helping others find success.
Choosing success is not like choosing from a restaurant menu. You can’t just say you want something and someone else is going to bring it to you. Choosing success is choosing to do what you need to do, regardless of whom or what surrounds you. It’s about believing in your goal, and pursuing it above all other things – except family and friends.
It’s having faith in what you know is good, regardless of what others think. If you choose success, you’ve chosen wisely.

Peter

SERVANT SELLIING AND INCREASING CONFIDENCE

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#servantselling #sellingoneself #increasingconfidence
Do you ever think of salespeople as servants?
Perhaps you are more likely to think of them as self-servants.
Rory Vaden, cofounder of Southwest Consulting and a self-discipline strategist, discussed the concept in a column published May 17, 2015, in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
Vaden sees servant selling as, rather than trying to persuade a stranger to buy something, helping a friend get the confidence to make the decision to buy.
Usually, good salespeople are confident. Buyers can tend to be skeptical. It’s OK to be skeptical. Servant sellers, Vaden says, don’t answer objections, as in, doing something TO someone. They increase confidence, as in, doing something FOR someone.
We all, at some time, have to sell something. If not a product, ourselves. We sell ourselves to a potential employer, date, friend, mentor etc. We sell ourselves at work, trying to do the best job we can while making sure the right people notice.
When we sell ourselves, do we help “buyers” by increasing their confidence to buy us?
To turn it around, are we confident enough in ourselves to help others have confidence enough to buy us?
Many of us hate to be sold to, but love to buy. When someone is trying to sell something to you, perhaps themselves, are you confident enough to decide to buy? How much are they helping you be that confident?
It’s OK to have confidence to buy something. Not everyone is out to “sell” to you. A good salesperson WANTS you to like what they have, at the same time understands if you don’t.
He or she will help you have confidence not just to see what is being sold, but also to see how it can help you solve a problem, complete a task or be a better person.
Some of us hate to sell. If you are one of those, do you like to SHOW to people? Do you like to tell a friend, or even a stranger, about a good book, movie, TV show or restaurant you’ve had the pleasure to witness? Would that person have the confidence to read, see or eat at what you’re bragging about?
If you like to show, rather than sell, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. See the stories of how people learned to show something they like, and help others have the confidence not only to try it, but to increase others’ confidence to do the same. You might even see true servant selling.
Think of it this way: if what you have is good, and you know it, it’s others’ loss if they don’t see it, too. The word “no” usually comes from someone with no confidence in themselves to try something that could really benefit them.
In other words, it’s not about you. When one approaches selling as, “it’s not about me,” he or she is likely to find success eventually. He or she is likely to have enough confidence in himself or herself so help increase others’ confidence.
“It’s not about me” is true servant selling.
Peter

REPENT, FORGIVE AND REVERSE

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#repent #forgive #180degreeturn
When we think of repentance, with think of the religious context of sinning and repenting.
Certainly, when we sin, it should give us pause.
But repentance has two parts, according to Rory Vaden, a self-discipline strategist and cofounder of Southwestern Consulting. He discussed repentance in an April 19, 2015, column in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
The first part of repentance is apology. You’ve done something wrong and you beg forgiveness. But it’s the second part that we often forget about, Vaden says. That involves a 180-degree turn away from the actions from which you are repenting.
In other words, don’t just say you’re sorry and go back to doing the wrong you did. Addicts can apologize all day long, but unless they beat their addiction, they have truly not repented.
What could this mean for you? Perhaps you’ve done nothing “wrong,” yet your life does not seem right.
Perhaps no one but you notices. Perhaps YOU don’t even notice. Perhaps you’ve done everything you were told was right, yet something is missing.
That might make you ask yourself: if I’ve done everything the way I was told, why am I feeling this way? Why SHOULD I feel this way? What could possibly make me feel this way?
The feeling gnaws. One cannot control feelings. You believe there is something better out there for you, but you may not have a clue how to find it.
Yet, you rationalize, and tell yourself that mom, dad, your family and friends are still proud of you. In fact, you may have accomplished a great deal, yet you are still unfulfilled.
You may feel you have nothing to apologize to others for, for you have not sinned against them. They may even tell you how great you are, and that you are doing the right thing.
Still, you dream of better. Your family and friends may laugh at those dreams. They may encourage you to stop dreaming and get real.
Yet, your dreams are real. They come from deep inside. You know what you want, but not quite how to get it.
It may be the time to apologize to YOURSELF, then make that 180-degree turn in your life.
Your life may be like a big ship. It may not turn quickly. But it certainly can turn gradually.
The great news, if you have dreams you would like to fulfill, is there are many ways of doing so.
If you have big dreams, you may need to look for ways to fulfill them. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau.
There, you will find others like you who had good lives, yet wanted more. Then, they found the way to get what they wanted, and helped others like them do the same.
The movie “Love Story” has a famous line that says “love means never having to say you’re sorry.” But telling yourself you are sorry, and fully repenting by making that 180-degree turn, can fulfill the need you have inside.
Your dreams are real. They can be fulfilled. Never, ever be sorry for dreaming.
Peter

TIME, DISCIPLINE AND RESOLUTIONS

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#newyearsresolutions #time #discipline
Why do so many of us abandon our new year’s resolutions?
Rory Vaden, cofounder of Southwestern Consulting and a self-discipline strategist and speaker, says it may not just be a lack of self-discipline. It may be a lack of time.
Vaden discussed the topic in a Jan. 11, 2015, column in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
It’s easier to get to the gym when your house is clean and your bills are in order, he says. It’s easier to eat healthy when you don’t feel so rushed you have to cram some fast food down in 20 minutes, Vaden points out.
So let’s tackle time, or lack of it, that most say is their biggest problem in life.
Time is choice. Sure, most of us MUST go to work. Those who have children MUST tend to their needs etc. Oh, and we MUST sleep – or at least most of us do.
But there are many other hours in which we do things that are not MUSTS. There may even be some hours we do things we believe are musts, but may not be.
Some of us take time doing things, then ask ourselves, why did I waste my time doing that?
Some of us decide that we can’t do something that may be good for us, because we don’t have time. Others make time to do something good for themselves.
Vaden believes that if you want to achieve your goals in 2015, you have to intentionally decide what you won’t do that has taken up your time.
In short, resolutions require a time commitment. You have to determine whether what you spend your time on is worth your time, or could your time be spent doing something better for you.
Let’s take the food example. If you are wolfing down fast food at lunch because your boss gives you no time for lunch, try bringing healthy food to work with you. You’ll eat better and save money. If cleaning your house takes up too much of your time, there’s the option of hiring someone to do it. Chances are, that person can clean your house much more quickly than you, because he or she cleans houses for a living and has the process down to a science.
How can you hire a housekeeper when you are barely getting by yourself? There are many ways to pick up extra income, often without interfering with what you are doing now. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You might not only find a way to pay your housekeeper, but also you will be using your time more productively.
Often, those who use their time most wisely have cultivated the ability to say, NO! Sometimes we are backed into a corner and say yes when we want to say no. Perhaps the person whose feelings you don’t want to hurt would rather hear no, than a reluctant yes.
Vaden also talks about procrastination vs. patience. Sometimes, waiting for a better time to do something can be a virtue. Putting off things you should do kills success, he says.
So, if you haven’t already, make those resolutions: Live healthier. Know what to do to prosper, and do what you must to make it happen. If you are unsure about the latter, be open to looking for the answer, and recognize it when you see it. Your patience could pay off.
Peter

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT WORK?

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#work #careers #retirement4
Chances are, if you ask someone on his death bed what he wished he had done more of, he wouldn’t say “work.”
But Rory Vaden, cofounder of Southwestern Consulting and best-selling author of “Take the Stairs,” says, “work is integral, work is freedom, work is joy.”
If one asks his elders about work, he would hear things like, “I worked hard all my life.” Or, “you don’t get anywhere in this world without hard work.”
For many of us, if we look today at what we do for work, we can’t wait to be financially able to quit working, relax and do other things that we don’t consider work.
But Vaden, who discussed this in a Nov. 16, 2014, column in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville, says the idea of “retirement,” and “leisure,” are changing.
We can see that in today’s world, without looking very far.
The idea of working at a job for 30 or 40 years, then suddenly “retiring” to do “nothing,” are pretty much gone. Today, many people are being “retired” before they want to be.
Staying at one job, or one company, for even 10 years is difficult because companies reorganize often, and bad managers are career killers.
We all would love to have jobs we enjoy, but we all know someone has to do the job no one wants to do.
If you happen to find a job you love, you are blessed. If that job lasts you most, or all, of your career, you are unusual.
Retirement planners tend to look not only at financial issues, but also whether a person is ready to retire. If you had all the money in the world, what would YOU do in retirement? As tempting as relaxation is, it will get old. When it does, boredom is not a pleasant condition.
Vaden quotes Timothy Keller, author of “Every Good Endeavor,” who quotes the Bible: “The book of Genesis leaves us with a striking truth – work is paradise.”
For many, work is paradise only if you don’t have work, and you need work. But, on the other hand, to paraphrase Vaden, whom do you know who hasn’t worked, or doesn’t work, who is worth looking up to?
Our work is part of who we are. It can also consume us. Yet, for most, work has a purpose in life, but it is NOT our whole life. Those who see work for what it is, and use it to make a good life, are perhaps the happiest of us.
The lesson here is to use your work to make you better person. If you are young, prepare for the day when your job disappears. You will probably never know when that day will be.
One way to prepare for a job to go away is to have a Plan B. There are many such Plan Bs out there. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You can work at Plan B when you are not working at your job. If you work at it correctly, you can eventually fire your awful boss.
Vaden asks, “why do we subscribe to this myth that our lives would be much better if we had less work?”
The answer to that is different for everyone. But, when you arrive on your death bed, try to have as few regrets as possible. We should all work at minimizing our regrets.
Peter

DREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

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We all dream.
Some of us only dream in slumber. Some of us daydream to alleviate boredom. Still others dream while conscious – and consciously try to make those dreams come true.
Some of us never recall the dreams in slumber. Some of us recall them vividly, then try to decipher what they mean. These are the unimportant dreams, so it matters not whether they are recalled.
The daydreams are usually fantasy, and are treated as such. Perhaps you are longing to meet that special person that hardly, if at all, knows you exist. Perhaps you are dreaming about what you would do if you were the boss. These events may actually happen, but the percentages are really low.
The dreams of the conscious can make your life what you want it to be. As Rory Vaden, author of “Take the Stairs,” and a self-discipline strategist advises, “Chase your dreams now.”
Vaden discussed dreaming in a Jan.26, 2014, column in the Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
The dreams of the conscious are not dreams of fantasy. They are, indeed, purposeful dreams. The dreamers make them purposeful by writing them down, looking at them every day and setting achievement dates. Achievement dates are not deadlines, but are set to encourage urgency. With urgency, comes commitment and diligence.
Some say to the dreamers, “get real.” No “realist” ever finds greatness. Realists exist only in the world of the narrowly possible. Dreamers, to paraphrase a famous quotation, don’t just look at what is and say, “why?” They instead look at what can be and say, “why not?”
The realist lives in a world of what they believe has to be. Their dreams are but daydreams of fantasy. They are “grounded,” lest they be in the ground.
We certainly need a few realists to do some of the things that need doing. We can’t all be looking for personal fulfillment, or the next big thing, can we?
Perhaps we can be, at least to start, part-time dreamers and full-time realists. We never lose sight of our dreams, and we look at them, and their achievement dates, daily. But we know that they will come and we will not be realists forever.
So, said the elephant in the room, how does one achieve his dream once he has recorded it?
There are many ways one can achieve a dream. Perhaps he can invent something no one has thought of. Perhaps he can work hard, save his money, invest well and eventually see, if not complete financial freedom, no financial worries.
But real dreamers don’t settle just for “no worries.” They want complete financial freedom. There are several ways to achieve that freedom. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau.
This dream vehicle can work for anyone, regardless of education, background or circumstance.
You see, dreamers can have “average” backgrounds – even poor ones. But they become above-average earners by having a dream, and doing what they need to do to achieve it.
Of course, you have to want your dream badly enough to go for it. But if you do, follow Vaden’s advice:
“Overthrow the desire deficit and chase down your dreams. You are the person. Today is the day. Now is the time.
Do it.”
Peter

HOW MUCH IS YOUR CHARACTER WORTH?

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It’s not about brains. It’s about beliefs.
Your brains may be worth a given amount to someone else, i.e. an employer or a client.
Your beliefs have a value only to you. What would you sell them for?
Rory Vaden, cofounder of Southwestern Consulting and author of “Take the Stairs,” posed this question in a column in the Dec. 1, 2013, edition of The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
He calls the sum you would command to compromise your beliefs your “character quotient.”
If you have strong beliefs in something, what would tempt you to deviate from those beliefs?
Criminals, obviously, have a low character quotient. Their beliefs are compromised regularly, and they don’t seem to mind. Or, they never had a strong set of beliefs in the first place. Some of them would compromise themselves for very little.
Some business people have low character quotients. Their belief systems have much to do with making as much money as possible. Some of them don’t really care whom they hurt to feather their own nests. Because of these people, commerce and capitalism carry a bad name among many.
Some people in politics have low character quotients. But, there is an exception here. One does not want a politician unwilling to compromise. Governing is all about compromise, and accepting election results. But some in politics are in it for self-gain and, frankly, make no bones about it.
No matter what you do for a living, no matter your faith, no matter your core beliefs, you probably have something you would go to the wall for. No amount of money, in your mind, would make you deviate from that. Let’s look at Vaden’s formula: a quotient is the answer in a division problem. The dividend is what is being divided. The divisor is what the dividend is being divided by.
Your character dividend, Vaden says, represents the self-assigned value you place on sticking to your virtues and doing what you know is right. The divisor is the amount of money or other payoff that would be offered for you to choose NOT to stick to your principles.
In a concrete example, we all hate paying taxes. How many of us tinker with our tax returns to pay as few taxes as possible. Of course, there is legal tinkering that is OK. But illegal tinkering – cheating – is not. How much tax savings would tempt you to cheat on your taxes, perhaps risking an IRS audit etc.?
Perhaps, you may be offered a job that would violate your core principles. How much would they have to pay you to do it? As an example, you may have a place you’ve always wanted to work. You get an offer to work there, but as a strikebreaker. In other words, you’d have to cross a picket line to go to work. How much would they have to offer you to do that?
Or, you discover that your employer is doing something illegal or unethical. You do not want to be a part of it, because of your core beliefs. Would you quit your job over it – actually take something of value away from yourself?
These are questions we may never ponder, or we may ponder constantly. Do you consider selling out as selling yourself? Do you try to justify your decisions by saying you are doing it for the greater good? Again, politicians are the exception here. They must ALWAYS think about the greater good. Have you ever been placed in a bad position, having to make a decision from which none of the alternatives would be good? What are your beliefs really worth?
If you find yourself in a position to make what you feel is a bad choice, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You may realize there is a positive place to go when all of the choices placed before you make sense to you, and none would compromise your beliefs.
People who do the right thing usually get rewarded in the end. Those who do the wrong things eventually get caught. Do what make s YOU feel good. Don’t hurt others in the process. The rewards for straying are usually short-lived. Your reward for standing firm may not come immediately, but one day, you’ll find it.

Peter

TRUST IS A VALUABLE COMMODITY

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Trust must be earned. It can’t be ordered.
Therefore, trust is valuable.
If you’ve earned the trust of others, they will do what you want them to, and they expect you to have their backs.
As you earn trust, don’t lose it. It could cost you dearly.
Rory Vaden, a self-discipline strategist and speaker, as well as co-founder of Southwestern Consulting, lists seven ways to lose trust. They are: be selfish, be protective (of your turf), be ungrateful, be self-centered, be passive-aggressive, be negative and be incongruent.
Vaden talked about these trust busters in a Sept. 8, 2013, column in the Tennessean newspaper of Nashville.
People generally trust positive, upbeat people. Sure, we all occasionally meet phonies who fein a positive attitude, but turn out to be snakes in the grass. But most of us can spot those folks easily, before too much trust has been established. We react differently to those who are genuninely positive.
People who are genuinely positive, even under difficult circumstances, also tend not to be selfish. They tend to be grateful for anything anyone does for them. They tend to think of others first, and that generally separates them from the phonies.
They tend to be private people, but not secretive. They tend not to protect their own turf at any cost. They tend to do what they say and say what they mean all the time. They would not even think about being devious, unless it’s all in fun, as in surprising one’s spouse on a birthday.
Sometimes it’s difficult to trust, especially when someone you’d trusted violates the trust. In that case, don’t presume EVERYONE will violate your trust, and give the person who has violated trust sufficent time to earn it back. Many marriages that could have been saved dissolve because one spouse’s trust was violated, and the other spouse is never given a chance to earn it back. The rule here might be that one violation of trust is not insurmountable. Trust can be earned back. Multiple violations of trust may do you in.
In marriage, not only is it virtuous to be trustworthy with your spouse, but more convenient. It has to be really difficult keeping a false story straight every time, day in and day out. Eventually, if you try to do that, you’ll slip up and get caught. If you are trustworthy, period, your spouse always knows everything, and everything he or she knows about you is true.
One’s trust should be given with care, but still given. Never trusting anyone will lead a person to a pretty miserable life. It’s OK to trust. It’s also OK to, as former U.S. President Ronald Reagan once put it, to verify, if there is any question.
You’ve heard that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Sometimes, we have good things come into our lives, yet we don’t trust that they are true, or they will do what they say they will do.
If you are looking to improve your life, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You can trust that everything you read, hear and see there is true.
Trusting, and being trustworthy will also improve your life. Trust is valuable to give and valuable to receive. Do both with care.
Peter

ENJOYMENT AND WORK

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“If you love what you do, you’ll never work another day in your life.”
This oft-quoted phrase hits home with a few.Those who have jobs they enjoy are truly blessed.
For most, though, a different, yet oft-quoted phrase is more applicable. “If it weren’t work, they wouldn’t pay you to do it.”
Rory Vaden, the New York Times best-selling author of “Take the Stairs,” talks about the “enjoyment requirement” many young folks have about work. They need a job they enjoy. They need work they are passionate about and wait — unemployed, living with mom and dad etc. — until it comes.
Often, they don’t know what it is they are passionate about. It’s, like, you know, they will know what it is when they find it.
As Vaden, who discussed this in a May 2013 column in The Tennessean newspaper of Nashville, says: “There is no perfect job. There is no perfect marriage, there is no perfect life that you find; there are only perfect ones that you create by working your butt off to make them that way.”
His point is that those who “find their passion” are willing to put in the time to be successful. Tiger Woods and other golf professionals are passionate about their sport, so they put in the time on the practice range so they can play successfully in tournaments. Passions, like anything good, need to be nurtured with hard, unglamorous work.
Some jobs are nothing but work. You have to find things about them that make it palatable, if not enjoyable, for you to keep doing them. Perhaps what you’ll find is that the job is good because it serves a temporary purpose — it gives you a paycheck while you await your passion.
Other jobs might require you to improve your skills to the point in which you are so good at them, you become passionate.
Others still may have fulfilling purpose for you, but barely make you a living. So, you have to do something a little less fulfilling to improve your financial situtionn.
“Don’t quit your day job” is yet another oft-quoted phrase. If you have a “day job” or a “night job” and are looking for your passion, you may find it by visiting www.bign.com/pbilodeau. If you like what you see, know that a potential fortune is there — if you work at it. But, you can work at it while you are working at something else.
Perhaps you’ll adopt the oft-paraphrased mantra: work full time at your job and part time on your fortune.
Don’t wait for the ideal, Work for it, to paraphrase Vaden. You don’t have to love what you do. You have to create a situation you love. Or, in another oft-quoted phrase, “life is what you make it.’
Peter