Tag Archives: envy

JEALOUSY, ENVY AND CHANNELING EMOTIONS

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#jealousy #envy #emotions
We can debate whether jealousy and envy are the same, but both can be negative, or positive, emotions.

We may be jealous if our significant other chooses someone else. But if our significant other chooses someone else, what can you do about it? It’s probably best not to be where one is not wanted, and move on.

Andrew Stark, in the Dec. 10, 2014, edition of The Wall Street Journal, reviewed the book “Jealousy,” by Peter Toohey. Stark says Toohey talks about jealousy among employees. Studies suggest, Stark quotes from the book, that workers feel pressure to fall short of expectation so as not to arouse the jealousy of their peers.

Is it really better to slack off a bit, so as not to stand out? If so, you may be working in the wrong place. Perhaps you really don’t want others to look bad, because you don’t want others to be jealous. Perhaps you don’t want to elicit envy by outperforming others. If you feel that way, remember that jealousy and envy are the emotions of others. Just as with a significant other, it may be best not to stay where you are not wanted.

Conservatives in the media talk a lot about the evils of wealth envy. With wealth envy, one wishes ill on others who have more than they. There are a couple ways to look at this. If those of whom one is envious has gotten his wealth off the backs of, or at the expense of others, do you really want to be envious of him? Perhaps you’d rather be envious of the person of stronger moral character.

Secondly, envy of the wealthier person can be a strong motivator. If you want what that person has, perhaps you need to find a vehicle to get you closer to where that person is in resources. There are many such empowering vehicles through which people help others, and are rewarded for it. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau.

As Stark points out, Toohey’s book says jealousy and envy can be, and often are, destructive emotions. But they can also serve as motivators.

The lessons here abound. If one uses emotions for the good, they can lead to advancement of circumstances, and of the person. If one uses emotions destructively, they can cause harm to others, and harm to those who feel them.

Many of us hope that we never let emotions get in the way of our progress. But we are not human if we don’t feel emotion. So, instead of making the effort NOT to feel something, use what you feel as a motivator, rather than a destroyer.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t THINK about how we feel. We should most definitely think about why we feel as we do, and how to channel those feelings most productively.

At the same time, we should let others channel their feelings as they believe best. We should not let our positive behavior decline because others may not like it. The most successful people have been outcasts, and one must determine that success is far more important than how others may feel about it.

Finally, the most success comes by helping others. If we help others be successful, to borrow from Zig Ziglar, our success will follow.

So if you are feeling jealous, don’t get mad. Move on. Or, be glad you have something to aim for. If you envy someone, do what you need to do to be more like him. In either case, be careful. Know that what you might be aiming for will be good for you, and for others.

Peter

WANT IT FIRST, THEN DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

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“The difference between a successful person and others is not the lack of strength, not the lack of knowledge, but, rather, the lack of will.
Vince Lombardi
#motivation #desire #happiness
You’ve heard lots of talk about discipline.
What you don’t always hear about is the link between desire and discipline.
Some people know exactly what they want from life. Others really haven’t a clue, except for some superficial desire for money, power or some other thing in the abstract, especially when they see that others have what they don’t.
Those in the first category usually not only know what they want from life, but also find a way to get it, even if it means having to do some uncomfortable things before they get it.
Those in the other group will search for contentment, probably never find it in absolute terms and complain that they are not getting it. Many of us know these people. They work at a job, or in a certain place, they make a living and make the best of what life gives them. They realize it’s not enough and are envious of those who have more. Envy is a profound energy waster. It will produce nothing, but will gradually drain one’s physical and mental resources.
Those in the first group look at others’ accomplishments as goals for themselves. They don’t waste energy on envy, resentment and other worthless emotions. They focus their energy on what they need to do to achieve what they desire.
It’s difficult, but not impossible, to convert from one type of person to the other. It’s not easy for an envious person to be self-reflecting. It’s not easy for a motivated, discipline person to sink to the level of the envious, providing he doesn’t listen to what the envious tell him.
But let’s just say an envious person has an epiphany, the same way an addict gets the message that he needs to stop. When that happens, the envious person learns that he DOESN’T have to accept things as they are. He learns there IS a way he can better his life, even, perhaps, without interfering with what he is doing.
What might cause this? Desire! One must realize that he would like something in life strongly enough to make changes, to discipline himself to do what he needs to. Just as the addict might one day say, NO MORE, and mean it, the envious person might find the desire that has been missing. He might realize that contentment is not the same as happiness. He might discover something inside him that will make him want to change.
It’s easy to be fooled by procrastinators. They will talk eloquently about what they will do tomorrow, but that tomorrow is long in coming. They realize contentment isn’t so bad. The person truly converted from envious starts immediately. He doesn’t necessarily look for things to happen quickly, but he performs activities needed to change his life
Are you an envious, contented procrastinator? Or do you want more from life than what you have, and are willing to do what you need to get it? If so, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. See firsthand how people motivated by what they want can get it. Then, see how motivated people help other motivated people do the same.
They had, or discovered, a discontent with a contented life. They didn’t want to wait for something to happen. Instead, they did what they had to do to make it happen.
Another characteristic of motivated people is that they can lose everything, and know they can get it all back. Instead of settling for contentment, they strove for true happiness, and helped others do the same.
Peter