#viiolence #HittingBack #SolvingProblems #bullies #ChickenVsEgg
When we are hit, we usually want to hit back.
Sometimes, hitting back is necessary. In fact, we may have been taught as children that the best way to stop a bully is to fight back. The theory went that once the bully saw that you were gutsy enough to fight back, he or she would stop bullying.
Today, that doesn’t always work. Some bullies actually WANT you to hit back, because they believe they can show you to be the aggressor.
In some battles, the question of who started them can be illusive. The origins of a dispute can go back long before the actual violent incident.
Often, the origin of disputes becomes a chicken vs. egg question. Ironically, they can be irrelevant to the problem at hand. Or, long simmering grudges can be the crux of the problem at hand.
The point is that violence is unlikely to eliminate the dispute that caused it.
Why would someone commit violence if it doesn’t solve a problem?
Those who commit violence are often people with problems they cannot solve themselves. They feel put upon by someone, a group or something(s). They have no way out but to lash out.
Other times, those who commit violence let their emotions dictate their behavior. In human nature, that’s very easy to do. Committing violence makes the committer feel better, because his or her pent-up emotions have been released, albeit in a bad way.
Usually, they soon find out that their problems are not only unsolved, they are in even more of a pickle than they were before the violence. The good feelings of releasing pent-up emotions soon turn, well, sour.
Jealousy is another reason for violence. Someone has what you want, so you get it through violence.
That can work, at least if it is things that a person wants – until the perpetrator gets caught. Then, the problems begin anew.
If one commits violence over a person, like a jilted lover, he or she may not get that person back. In fact, it may cause the coveted person to resent the violent person even more.
This begs the age-old question. How does one solve problems without violence?
Talking certainly helps. Listening helps even more.
When there is both talking and listening, on all sides, agreements can be forged. Or, at least, decisions that violence will not solve the problem can be made.
So, the next time you feel aggrieved, by someone or something, stop. Think about how you are going to solve the problem. No matter how angry you may feel, know that expressing that anger through violence will only compound your grievance.
It’s much more easily said than done, of course. But, if one person can think first before acting on a grievance, there can be less violence in the world.
That one person could then become two etc. Better yet, those two can be on both sides of a dispute. When that occurs, resolved disputes abound.
Peter
Tag Archives: solving problems
BE A HAPPY, OPTIMISTIC PROBLEM SOLVER
What qualities does a leader have?
He or she is happy, optimistic and a problem solver.
So says Dr. Dale Henry, a Tennessee-based educator, trainer and speaker, and owner of Your Best Unlimited training academy.
Henry’s speech, given at the Leadership Cumberland graduation ceremonies in Crossville, Tenn., Aug. 23, 2016, was titled, “Look Before You LEAP – For the Landing Spot.”
Henry says that despite those desired qualities in a leader, we all tend to be whiners.
When we have difficult decisions to make, our first question tends to be,”Whose Fault Is This?” Who is to blame for the difficult circumstances we are in.
Casting blame takes valuable energy away from solving problems.
We tend to gravitate toward, “the world is going to hell in a handbasket,” instead of “the future looks very bright.”
Let’s take Henry’s three characteristics and break them down.
First, being happy is something that doesn’t always come naturally. Often, we get thrown curve balls in life and, when we get enough curve balls thrown at us, we tend to lose our happiness. Leaders tend to look beyond circumstances toward what’s good in their lives, and focus on that. So, happiness is not always natural. Sometimes, we have to work on being happy.
Optimism has much the same quality as happiness. If one watches the TV news, reads newspapers etc., one finds optimism stealers galore.
Whether it’s a natural disaster, humans behaving badly or overzealous actions on behalf of one’s beliefs, it’s not easy to be optimistic about the future.
Yet, there is so much good going on unnoticed. Amid disaster, there are people giving their time, talent and treasure to help. Amid criminal acts, there are people bringing those responsible to justice. Amid overzealous actions, there are calm and reasoned voices attempting to deal with the problem.
As individuals, we must be leaders. We must see what is good in our lives and focus on that.
Solving problems can be much more difficult than casting blame.
When a tough decision is before us, we must remain calm, rational and curb whatever emotion we bring to the problem. We must take each solution and weigh all aspects. We must look for the potential good in any bad situation.
Our natural tendency is to whine We must recognize that tendency and overcome it by dealing with what’s next, instead of what was. We like to wish we could go back to what was, but when we can’t, we must realize that our only option is to move on. We should do so with the utmost happiness and optimism.
If you are a happy, optimistic problem solver, or believe you can become one, and are looking for action you can take to better your life, message me.
You can perhaps become a person who will not only have done that, but also have helped others do the same.
As has been often said, the windshield has a better view than the rear-view mirror. Continue to look forward, knowing you can make YOU better. If you focus on making you better, others will see it and follow you. That will make your community, country and the world better.
Peter
PUBLIC VS. PRIVATE: BE AN IMPACT INVESTOR
#investors #publicprivate #impactinvesting
Who will solve the great problems of the nation and the world?
Will it be governments or private citizens?
Or, will it be a little of both?
It was thought that private citizens would never solve anything unless they can make money – gobs of money.
Governments, on the other hand, don’t have any money, but spend it anyway, sometimes futilely.
New York Times columnist David Brooks discussed the new concept of “impact investing.” That is private money going into investments that attack some of the world’s problems. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution published his column Feb. 3, 2015.
Brooks says that the private market, prone to devastating crashes and producing widening inequality, combined with gridlocked, ineffective government aren’t getting the job done.
So a group of smart people with opposable minds – part profit-oriented and part purpose-oriented – have created organizations that look a little like businesses, a little like social-service providers and a little like charities – or some mixture of the three, Brooks writes.
They are creating new impact funds, social stock exchanges and include players like Goldman Sachs and Credit Suisse. The first wave of this sector was led by Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Now you have an array of capitalist tools ranging from B Corporations like Warby Parker, which gives free glasses to the poor, to social impact bonds. Brooks writes. He quotes at 2010 report by the Rockefeller Foundation and JPMorgan that says impact investing capital could amount to $1 trillion by 2020.
So what’s happening here? Did government failures in helping its people make wealthy people feel guilty – guilty enough to accept a potentially lower profit to help lots of people?
Capitalism is a marvelous institution that has gotten a bad rap. People are beginning to realize that it’s not how rich you become that matters, but how you become rich. Did you do well by doing good? Were you helping others succeed as you were succeeding? Once you’ve achieved success, did you hoard all your gains, or did you use them to help those worthy of your help?
It’s clear not everyone is going to get rich. But there are many vehicles out there that allow ANYONE to get rich. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. Check out a model in which success only comes by helping others succeed.
Think back to the days when you were young, and just starting out in the workforce. You probably had an entry-level job for, say, a small business. When the time came for you to move on to other things to better your life, how did your boss treat you when you left? Was he wishing you well, telling you he was proud to have you work for him and offer any lifelong assistance (not necessarily financial) that you might need? Or, was he the type that was upset that you were quitting and leaving him short-staffed? The former likely was a pleasure to work for, because he looked out for you, and you, in turn, made sure you did your best for him. The latter likely had employees who were indifferent toward the boss, didn’t care whether his business succeeded and probably worked under a good deal of stress.
If you become a boss, which kind would you like to be? If you become an investor, which kind would you like to be? People who work hard on being better people tend to have success follow them. Those who don’t, and still achieve success, probably have lots of current and former employees, who got relatively little in return, to thank.
Peter
SOLUTION VS. BLAME: YOUR FIRST INSTINCT
When you, or someone close to you, runs into a problem, what’s your first instinct?
Is it to find where the fault is, or to find a solution?
Comedian Bill Cosby, in a televised routine, talked about, obviously from a male perspective, how your wife is NOT your friend. She is your wife.
Cosby cites the example of a man whose car broke down in the middle of the night, somewhere a distance from home. Whom should he call first: his wife, or his friend?
The friend, Cosby asserts, will first ask: “Are you all right?” Then, he will ask, “Where are you?” Then, he’ll say, “I’ll be right there.”
His wife, on the other hand, will first tell him, “I told you to get that car fixed.” You can imagine where the conversation goes from there.
It begs the question: when you are confronted with a problem, do you instinctively act to solve it first, or do you instinctively look for whom to blame for it first?
Some circumstances are avoidable. Some are not. Some you can prevent. Others you can’t. The point is, you identify the type of circumstance you are in AFTER you act to get out of it.
Leadership expert and author John Maxwell, and perhaps others, have said that we either succeed or learn. We should use our failures as learning experiences. But those lessons should come after we have acted to correct what is wrong.
Certainly, the Cosby routine is funny. We all have to laugh at ourselves. Many spouses are friends. But if our instinct is to blame first, and solve later, we will find more success if we can change that in ourselves.
Getting laid off from a job is likely not your fault. If it is, you probably have more things to correct. If it is not, don’t wallow in who’s to blame for your circumstances. Act to change them. What you do after the fact IS your doing. Wishing things were as they had been is wasting your energy. Just presume those days will never come again, and move on to bigger and better things.
Be a realist, but only for a second. Realize that the past is past and the future is yet to come. Then, dream about what you want your future to be.
Realists tend not to dream, so that’s why you should only be realist for short periods, when circumstances hit. You are realist when you believe the good old days are gone. Then, resume your dream about the good things yet to come.
Today, there are many vehicles that can help make dreams a reality. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You may realize your dreams quickly or slowly, but your dreams are there for the taking if you want to work for them.
Getting back to Cosby’s advice: if your car breaks down in the middle of the night, call someone who will take care of the problem first, without a lecture. Then, think about what you might have done to prevent it, so you can minimize or eliminate that situation again.
In life, you can follow Cosby’s advice by, as many leadership and motivational experts urge, RESPONDING to circumstances, rather than REACTING to them. Responding is positive. Reacting is negative. Solving is positive. Blaming is negative.
Be positive. Know that whatever circumstance you are in, the best life ever could be just around the corner, if you act and think correctly.
Peter