#push #shove #peace #compromise #disputes #ResolvingDisputes #strength
If push comes to shove … has come to mean that things could go from bad to worse.
Or, it could mean that if someone pushes you, you might shove back.
Does anyone WANT to get pushed, or shoved?
A push, actually, could be positive. A parent, teacher, friend or coach could push someone to be a better version of himself or herself.
That person may shove back by offering resistance, even if they know deep down of the pusher’s good intentions.
On the opposite side, someone may push you to do something you don’t want to do. You may shove back by saying no repeatedly, as the pusher keeps at you.
Technically, push and shove could be synonyms. But, as we understand the words, a push may be gentler than a shove.
That brings us back to the expression. When one is gently pushed, he or she may shove back more aggressively.
We use the expression usually in context with conflicts with others. When the dispute comes to a head, what will we do next?
Some people plan their moves carefully. They anticipate that a dispute will come to a climax, and they have the next move in their back pockets.
Others genuinely don’t know what to do when conflict reaches a point that requires “the next move.”
They could go with their gut and do what comes to them at the time. They could walk away in defeat. Or, a level-headed person could just say enough is enough. Let’s stop fighting and find common ground for peace.
In today’s polarized world, we need more level-headed peacemakers. The great poet and orator Maya Angelou once said. “we are more alike than we are unalike.”
Certainly, we will disagree, perhaps about a lot of things. But, when push comes to shove, what will we do next?
Will we agree to disagree, move on and find agreement on other matters? Will we avoid discussion of topics that provoke disagreement? What if the topic that promotes disagreements MUST be discussed? Avoidance can be a form of cowardice when it comes to those mandatory topics.
In those cases, the noble peacemakers look for common ground. They find compromise. They believe that compromise is a form of strength, especially when sticking to your guns can get you shot down.
While others see weakness in compromise, the noble among us not only see strength in it, but also see it as the best, and only, way to resolve conflict. Defeating others through force is not only weak, but also cowardly and lazy.
Peace via compromise is weapon for good. Though in such cases no one gets everything he or she wants, everyone gets something. That leads to, as the late President Ronald Reagan put it, “peace through strength.”
So, the next time you face a situation in which push comes to shove, what will you do?
Peter
#secrets #HidingThings #information #stress
Hiding things takes great effort.
One has to make sure that wherever he or she hides something, no one else can find it.
Also, one has to make sure that there is no other source for whatever is being hidden.
If there is demand for exposure, people will hunt relentlessly for it.
Many times, the information comes out in pieces, sometimes out of context. Saying repeatedly that it is not true is not a solution.
Any crisis manager would advise that if there is something bad that one wants to hide, and there is demand for transparency, it’s better to get it out, take the lumps and move on.
If the lumps are severe, they likely would be more severe if the exposure were delayed.
For many, keeping secrets causes insomnia. It’s tough to sleep under that much pressure.
Secrets – particularly those for which there is a large demand for transparency – cause often immeasurable stress.
Certainly, some things should be kept secret. Parts of one’s everyday life should not be displayed for public scrutiny.
But, other secrets, particularly those of prominent or privileged people, should be exposed.
The consequences of some actions can have real victims, many of whom will never get back what may have been taken from them.
They also may never get over it. Their only solace could be transparency and accountability for those who wronged them.
Never underestimate the healing power of transparency and accountability.
Though some secrets are harmless, even joyous – surprising a spouse with an anniversary trip, for example – many secrets can be devastating.
Keeping secrets can create corruption. When they do, the victims of the corruption suffer.
The public square has very little room for secrets – good or bad. In the public square, knowing that a secret exists enhances the demand for transparency.
When we know something, but don’t know everything, as humans we usually do not stop looking until we know everything. Once we know everything, we can determine any accountability that’s required.
We cannot determine accountability until we know what, or whom, should be accountable.
Almost everyone is keeping a secret. Most are harmless. Some are fun. Some are even proper to keep.
Keeping a secret in which there were victims is not proper. It is also very difficult when demand for exposure is great.
When you have a secret, determine whether it is harmless, fun and whom it may be hurting. Then, decide whether the stress of keeping it is worth it. More importantly, determine whether its exposure could contribute to healing.
Peter
#homeless #HomelessFamilies #rents #housing #AffordableHousing
When you think of people being homeless, is your first question: What did they do wrong?
If so, you probably believe their behavior somehow put them in that position – not wanting to work, addiction etc.
First, many mentally ill people have nowhere to go. They’ve been abandoned and the number of treatment facilities has dwindled over the years.
But, watching CNN’s “The Whole Story” November 2, 2025, we learn many homeless people work, have families etc., but just can’t afford skyrocketing rents.
Many of the homeless adults and children interviewed for the program, based on homelessness in New York City, are articulate, resourceful and have great inner strength and resilience to endure their hardship.
Most of the adults are working. Most of the children go to school. Many have been homeless all, or most, of their lives.
They take advantage of all or most of the resources that can help them – shelters, school meals etc.
It appears, in most cases, they spend their limited income on other necessities besides an apartment, which could eat up most, if not all, of their earnings.
Some people are, indeed, homeless because of their behavior.
But, the homeless population is much broader than a few, single misfits having a hard time.
One could come away, after watching the program, thinking that the strength and resilience of many homeless people are untapped resources for better things.
Many of them showed more of those characteristics than some others much more fortunate.
The homeless cannot solve their problems alone. They need resources. They need ideas for more housing. There are many people who care and want to help, but it may take a nationwide push to really mitigate the problem.
In the show, there were some good endings for some of the people.
But, it is a large problem not only in New York, but nationwide.
In fairness, there are homeless folks who just want to stay off the grid. They would much rather be independent than go to a shelter on a cold, or hot night.
But, the show documents that many are just working families – often single mothers with children – who are shelterless for financial reasons.
It was uplifting to see some of the children with musical or other talent. What a future they might have if they had their own roof over their heads.
There is no typical homeless person. Many are doing the very best they can, for themselves and their families, with what they have. Without an address, there are only so many opportunities in the job market.
In fairness to landlords, they need to charge rents that cover taxes (high in NYC), repairs and maintenance, and have a little return on their investment.
If you are a landlord, or employer, it may be worth some thought whether your employees are making enough to live a decent life, and whether you can work with tenants on rents they can afford.
Peter
#PNCBank #NamingRights #RaisingChildren #CostOfRaisingChildren #parents #children
A child graduates from his or her school.
Instead of announcing him or her by name as he or she gets a diploma, the master of ceremonies announces the name of the company who bought the rights to that child’s name. The parents in the audience cheer.
Farfetched? PNC Bank is using that scenario in an ad to show how desperate parents are to cover the cost of raising children.
PNC Bank, of course, suggests better ways to improve a family’s financial position.
The idea of selling the rights to a person’s name to a company comes from the naming of stadiums and arenas, where sponsorship makes more sense.
But the ad highlights a deeper problem. It’s getting more difficult financially to raise children today than in past decades.
On top of that, it’s getting more difficult for those children, once they become adults, to leave home because they are not making enough money to live independently.
In past decades, it was a parent’s goal for his or her children to live better than he or she did.
Today, for many generations, that is almost impossible.
The cost of food, energy, housing etc. has gotten out of reach for many people, regardless of background.
Raising a child requires a lot of investment. If they play sports, or participate in other activities, there are often big costs involved. You want your children to pursue activities in which they have skills and interests. Even if they don’t have great skills in those activities, parents recognize that the social interaction, teamwork lessons etc., can be valuable to a child as they grow into adults.
You also want them to feel the joy of holidays with gifts, which also can be expensive.
When you add those things to the necessities of life, even before a post-high-school education, raising a child can drain a family’s finances. When the parents of that child also want to save for their own retirement, in an age in which employer retirement plans are few, dicey financial decisions abound.
As they grow, children can learn to help their families cover their activities through part-time jobs etc. But, if that child plans to pursue higher education, parents will want that child’s earned money to go to that purpose.
Of course, as PNC says, it’s better for a family to have a financial plan with a good adviser the family trusts.
But it’s difficult to blame parents for trying creative ideas to enhance the family’s financial position.
Hard work, good behavior and good character are still the cornerstones of any child’s success.
The toughest parenting job may be to keep the child from getting discouraged when he or she does everything right, yet still doesn’t achieve what he or she wants.
The solution here is to have a plan early in a child’s life, in which savings can accumulate and earn dividends over time, then spending it very selectively at the correct intervals of a child’s life.
If a family is fortunate enough, it can create a separate fund for the parents’ retirement.
Of course, either of those is easier said than done.
But, with some creativity, good advice and discipline, it can be possible.
Peter
