#marshmallowtest #willpower #achievegoals
Would you pass “The Marshmallow Test?”
In his book, “The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-Control,” Walter Mischel describes decades of research related to willpower.
Gregg Steinberg, professor of human performance at Austin Peay State University in Tennessee and author of “Full Throttle,” discussed Mischel’s research in a column in The Tennessean Newspaper in Nashville Feb. 15, 2015.
The Marshmallow Test involves 4-year-olds. They sit at a table, each with a marshmallow in front of them. The adults leave the room for upwards of 20 minutes. The children are told, as the adults are leaving, that they will get another marshmallow if they stay in their seats, and refrain from eating the marshmallow in front of them. The children also had the option of ringing a bell on the table, after which the experimenters would return and the children could eat their marshmallows.
How would you do?
You can go to youtube.com and check out a few videos of this process, Steinberg wrote.
Steinberg writes that the researchers discovered that the more seconds the child waited before ringing the bell, the higher they rated on social and cognitive functioning when they were retested decades later, Steinberg writes.
The study found that those children who waited longest to eat their treat had higher SAT scores, lower body mass index a better sense of self-worth, pursued their goals more effectively and dealt better with stress, Steinberg writes.
As adults, some of us hate marshmallows and could sit there for hours without touching it, or ringing the bell. In the meantime, we could amuse ourselves checking e-mail on our phones, texting our friends etc.
So, we could pass the literal marshmallow test with flying colors.
We might even be able to pass the test if the marshmallow were substituted for something we love, be it chocolate, steak, etc.
We might even tell ourselves that as adults, we have far more patience than a child.
But let’s take it a step further. What goal do you have sitting in front of you that you’d love to achieve, but may find difficult to achieve?
Is it making lots of money, or having a secure retirement? Is it moving up the ladder in your company, or even just surviving in your company for as long as you want to?
Do you want your goal badly enough to do what you know you need to do to achieve it? Do you have what it takes to deal with the inevitable pitfalls that will come your way, yet not stray from your mission to achieve that goal?
If so, consider yourself passing The Marshmallow Test. Should you find yourself short of tactics to help you achieve your goal, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You’ll see one of the many ways to achieve goals that your current circumstances may not help you achieve.
Life, like marshmallows, can be a bit squishy. But goals, and the willpower to achieve them, keep you firm. Stay firm. Step over life’s squishiness. Stay patient. Achieve your goals. They are there for those who wait, and work smartly.
Peter
Tag Archives: Nashville
YOU’RE BEING TRACKED: HOW DO YOU LOOK
We are all being tracked.
Complete privacy is a thing of the past.
The best we can hope for is that we look good to the world.
Kate O’Neill, founder and principal of KO Insights, discussed this in a Dec. 21, 2014, column in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
“We have the means to measure, by some proxy, how we live up to our intentions and how we impact others,” O’Neill writes. “The strategy we set today provides the framework for improvement tomorrow,” she says.
Our life trail will certainly show imperfections. It will show what we did right, what we did wrong. The question becomes: did we do better today than yesterday, and will we do even better tomorrow?
It’s one thing for a person to succeed. But did he help others succeed in the process, or did he succeed because he took advantage of others?
Sophisticated devices, social media and other modern conveniences leave us more exposed than ever. We leave trails of data everywhere. We use the Internet to find jobs or customers, who can learn so much about us in a very short time.
It’s all good, right? For those who wish to remain as private as possible, it’s not necessarily good. For those who wish to conceal some things about them, it’s not so good. But most of us want to be out there, for everyone to see. We want to be able to communicate with others easily, even if we can’t meet face to face.
Of course, personal contact and face-to-face meetings are far superior to other communication forms. After all, we can’t read people online. Personal interactions are much more fun than our impersonal ones.
So what do you look like to the world? What mark are you leaving for all to see? Are you helping others?
We must be careful as we look at others not to judge quickly. As New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof wrote recently, his high school friend in Oregon who died at 54 could look, at first glance, like a typical moocher. But Kristof, and those who knew him well, knew him as a hard worker, who just got down on his luck. Kristof called him a victim of economic inequality.
There are many ways those of us who might be down on our luck economically to recover, without asking for a handout. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. Success could be there for the taking if you are sufficiently motivated.
Paul Anka’s lyric in “My Way,” made famous by Frank Sinatra, says, “The record shows, I took the blows, and did it my way.” If “your way,” is to help others, may you take the blows deftly, without injury. Success likely will grace you. If “your way” is to do all for yourself, and little for others, may the record show improvement today, and even more tomorrow.
Peter
TIME, DISCIPLINE AND RESOLUTIONS
#newyearsresolutions #time #discipline
Why do so many of us abandon our new year’s resolutions?
Rory Vaden, cofounder of Southwestern Consulting and a self-discipline strategist and speaker, says it may not just be a lack of self-discipline. It may be a lack of time.
Vaden discussed the topic in a Jan. 11, 2015, column in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
It’s easier to get to the gym when your house is clean and your bills are in order, he says. It’s easier to eat healthy when you don’t feel so rushed you have to cram some fast food down in 20 minutes, Vaden points out.
So let’s tackle time, or lack of it, that most say is their biggest problem in life.
Time is choice. Sure, most of us MUST go to work. Those who have children MUST tend to their needs etc. Oh, and we MUST sleep – or at least most of us do.
But there are many other hours in which we do things that are not MUSTS. There may even be some hours we do things we believe are musts, but may not be.
Some of us take time doing things, then ask ourselves, why did I waste my time doing that?
Some of us decide that we can’t do something that may be good for us, because we don’t have time. Others make time to do something good for themselves.
Vaden believes that if you want to achieve your goals in 2015, you have to intentionally decide what you won’t do that has taken up your time.
In short, resolutions require a time commitment. You have to determine whether what you spend your time on is worth your time, or could your time be spent doing something better for you.
Let’s take the food example. If you are wolfing down fast food at lunch because your boss gives you no time for lunch, try bringing healthy food to work with you. You’ll eat better and save money. If cleaning your house takes up too much of your time, there’s the option of hiring someone to do it. Chances are, that person can clean your house much more quickly than you, because he or she cleans houses for a living and has the process down to a science.
How can you hire a housekeeper when you are barely getting by yourself? There are many ways to pick up extra income, often without interfering with what you are doing now. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You might not only find a way to pay your housekeeper, but also you will be using your time more productively.
Often, those who use their time most wisely have cultivated the ability to say, NO! Sometimes we are backed into a corner and say yes when we want to say no. Perhaps the person whose feelings you don’t want to hurt would rather hear no, than a reluctant yes.
Vaden also talks about procrastination vs. patience. Sometimes, waiting for a better time to do something can be a virtue. Putting off things you should do kills success, he says.
So, if you haven’t already, make those resolutions: Live healthier. Know what to do to prosper, and do what you must to make it happen. If you are unsure about the latter, be open to looking for the answer, and recognize it when you see it. Your patience could pay off.
Peter
THE KING LEGACY, ADULTS, CHILDREN
#MLK #Selma #adultsandkids
Today, we honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
A question to ponder: if King came back today, what would he think about how we handled his legacy?
Beverly Keel, a columnist for The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville, raised this question in a Jan. 18, 2015, column. Keel was 2 when King was assassinated in 1968. But after seeing the movie “Selma,” she was struck when the movie ended by saying that King was only 39 when he died.
But, as she says, King led and acted as an adult. Yet, many in the world today act like children or adolescents. As Keel points out, even country music, once filled with truth-telling songs by Hank Williams and Kris Kristofferson, is now filled with songs that objectify women and celebrate intoxication.
Today, there is a wide gap between the economic haves and have-nots. How do you see this gap? If you are a have, do you hold what you have up so high that the have-nots will never reach it, then laugh as they jump up futilely trying to grab it? Or do you help those have-nots try to get what you have?
If you are a have-not, do you look at the haves with jealousy and envy, and whine that they have what you don’t have? Or, are you open to looking for ways to get what they have?
One option is a childish behavior. The other option is an adult behavior.
If you prefer an adult behavior, no matter your circumstance, one option is to visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau.
King’s battle is still being fought today. There are those who behave like children, who see King’s battle as a power struggle, fought with weapons. There are others who behave like adults, who know they are morally right, and carry on, often behind the scenes, to make things right.
As long as there are adults, and there are children, even morally right battles may never be won. Making things right will never be easy. But the adults will ALWAYS carry on peacefully, help others and often see their own success.
You can look at your own situation, your own life, and determine whether you are behaving as an adult or a child. You may not always see the adult solutions to every problem, but, as an adult, you are always looking for them. If you look hard enough, and take advantage of opportunities presented to you, you eventually will find the “adult” solution that suits you.
If you look at your situation, your own life, as a child, you will always look at others having what you don’t, complain profusely about it and hope those others get their due someday.
Remember, too, that adults want others to have what they have. Children do not.
King worked very hard, suffered greatly and put himself in harm’s way to do the adult thing. He indeed paid the ultimate price Perhaps his biggest regret is not living to see the fruits of his sacrifice.
What would he think if he came back today? What would you want him to think, if he came back today?
Peter
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT WORK?
#work #careers #retirement4
Chances are, if you ask someone on his death bed what he wished he had done more of, he wouldn’t say “work.”
But Rory Vaden, cofounder of Southwestern Consulting and best-selling author of “Take the Stairs,” says, “work is integral, work is freedom, work is joy.”
If one asks his elders about work, he would hear things like, “I worked hard all my life.” Or, “you don’t get anywhere in this world without hard work.”
For many of us, if we look today at what we do for work, we can’t wait to be financially able to quit working, relax and do other things that we don’t consider work.
But Vaden, who discussed this in a Nov. 16, 2014, column in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville, says the idea of “retirement,” and “leisure,” are changing.
We can see that in today’s world, without looking very far.
The idea of working at a job for 30 or 40 years, then suddenly “retiring” to do “nothing,” are pretty much gone. Today, many people are being “retired” before they want to be.
Staying at one job, or one company, for even 10 years is difficult because companies reorganize often, and bad managers are career killers.
We all would love to have jobs we enjoy, but we all know someone has to do the job no one wants to do.
If you happen to find a job you love, you are blessed. If that job lasts you most, or all, of your career, you are unusual.
Retirement planners tend to look not only at financial issues, but also whether a person is ready to retire. If you had all the money in the world, what would YOU do in retirement? As tempting as relaxation is, it will get old. When it does, boredom is not a pleasant condition.
Vaden quotes Timothy Keller, author of “Every Good Endeavor,” who quotes the Bible: “The book of Genesis leaves us with a striking truth – work is paradise.”
For many, work is paradise only if you don’t have work, and you need work. But, on the other hand, to paraphrase Vaden, whom do you know who hasn’t worked, or doesn’t work, who is worth looking up to?
Our work is part of who we are. It can also consume us. Yet, for most, work has a purpose in life, but it is NOT our whole life. Those who see work for what it is, and use it to make a good life, are perhaps the happiest of us.
The lesson here is to use your work to make you better person. If you are young, prepare for the day when your job disappears. You will probably never know when that day will be.
One way to prepare for a job to go away is to have a Plan B. There are many such Plan Bs out there. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You can work at Plan B when you are not working at your job. If you work at it correctly, you can eventually fire your awful boss.
Vaden asks, “why do we subscribe to this myth that our lives would be much better if we had less work?”
The answer to that is different for everyone. But, when you arrive on your death bed, try to have as few regrets as possible. We should all work at minimizing our regrets.
Peter
CELEBRATIONS AND STRESS
#holidaystress #celebrations #holidays #Christmas
No matter which holiday you celebrate this time of year, make sure you celebrate and have fun.
Often, though, this time of year is one of stress and, as Gregg Steinberg, professor of human performance at Austin Peay University in Tennessee calls them, “irrational thoughts.”
Steinberg, who discussed this in a column in the Dec. 21, 2014, edition of the Tennessean newspaper in Nashville, says we often feel that the pressure is on us to be perfect. We have to cook the perfect holiday feast or keep that perfect holiday cheer.
Quoting famed psychologist Carl Jung, “Perfection belongs to the gods; the most we can hope for is excellence,” Steinberg writes.
Trying to be perfect during the holidays is impossible, causing us to suffer instead of feel joy, Steinberg writes.
In other words, feel the joy, love and other goodness of the season. Strive to make the celebration as good as it can be, without overthinking things. If you enjoy baking, go ahead, but don’t make it feel like a project. If you hate to bake, don’t. Leave it to those who love it. Or, if you must have baked goods around, attend one of the many holiday bake sales at churches, schools etc. If all else fails, buy what you like at the store and be done with it. Don’t stress about it.
Don’t agonize over that perfect gift for someone. Find what you think someone will like, buy it and give it to the person whenever you open gifts. Unless you love to spend hours shopping and fighting crowds – many people do – if you see something you think someone might like or use, grab it, pay for it at the checkout counter and go. Don’t add irrational stress to the holiday experience.
Here’s the tough part of keeping holidays joyful. At least for a while, forget about your troubles. Yes, that’s certainly easier said than done, especially if you have just lost a loved one and have had some financial hardships. In the latter case, just do what you can and don’t feel compelled to overspend. Those who love you would rather see you joyful than stressful. It doesn’t matter to them what you can or can’t afford.
How do you forget about your troubles if you are overwhelmed by them? Think about what is good in your life, and be grateful for those things. Focus on those things during this season. It will enhance your joy and reduce your stress.
Steinberg goes on to talk about irrational beliefs vs. realistic ones. He suggests making a list of all your beliefs that put pressure on you, and ask whether the beliefs are grounded in reality. In many cases, what you believe is true, or believe you must do, is based on opinion rather than fact. If such beliefs are hurting your performance, or causing you unhappiness, it’s time to find more rational beliefs, Steinberg writes.
Perhaps it may be time to check out something that could change your life. There are many things you may, or may not, be aware of that could turn you into a joyful person. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You could find that fun way to relieve much of what stresses you.
Most importantly, have a joyful holiday season, and a prosperous new year. Examine your life and find out what is really important, and what is not. This should be a time of joy, not stress. It should be a time of celebration. Time with family, friends and life itself is certainly worth celebrating. Things don’t have to be perfect to be fun.
Enjoy. Celebrate. Live!
Peter
CHEAPER GASOLINE PUMPS ALL OF US UP
#cheapoil #OPEC #gasprices
The elements of an improving economy may not be obvious to everyone.
But the shrinking price of gasoline certainly is.
In fact, gasoline is as cheap as it has been in many years.
Why is it so cheap and how long are these prices expected to last?
On Thanksgiving Day 2014, OPEC (the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries) decided not to cut crude oil production to raise prices.
On top of that, the United States, Canada and other regions are producing more oil, according to an article by Rick Jervis for USA Today. His article appeared in the Tennessean newspaper in Nashville Nov. 23, 2014, prior to the OPEC meeting on Thanksgiving.
Jervis’ article pointed out that while OPEC could still influence the oil market, it doesn’t have as much clout as it did years ago. In fact, a decision by OPEC – whatever that was – would have made the front page of every U.S. newspaper years ago. On Friday, newspapers ran the story but most ran it on the inside, or on the front of the business section.
Sure, we are loving paying less at the pump. It’s real money going back into our pockets. Still, the oil industry doesn’t like these low prices. OPEC was between a rock and a hard spot. If it cut production to raise prices, it would encourage more oil exploration in the United States and elsewhere. Getting oil out of the shale and tar sands of North Dakota and Texas, though it has been a blessing for us consumers, is still more expensive than getting it out of the deserts of the Middle East.
The lower prices are discouraging more exploration here and, as Jervis’ article pointed out, OPEC was keenly aware of that. The oil industry is not in business to give us cheap gasoline, though that has been the result of alternative oil sourcing.
Another big bonus for the United States is that it is not so reliant on countries who may not like us much. Though any new skirmish in the Middle East could send oil prices soaring again, it would also encourage more exploration here.
Also, we are using less oil and gasoline here. Vehicles are more fuel efficient. Many vehicles are only partially fueled by gasoline. Some vehicles are not fueled at all by gasoline. Less demand keeps prices down.
And, as The New York Times recently reported, alternative fuels, such as wind and solar power, are becoming nearly as cost-effective as coal and natural gas. That will trend well toward keeping oil and gasoline prices down.
In the last several years, many of us have been hurt by a troubled economy. We’ve been hurt so badly that we don’t see what’s good about today’s economy.
What should we do? First, put the money you are saving at the gas pump into a savings vehicle. It will take you a while to see financial recovery that way, but it would be a start.
Second, if you truly aren’t feeling the good economy, check out the many other ways there are to make money outside of a job. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You’ll find average people making above-average incomes, and helping others do the same.
Just because you can’t see everything happening in the economy doesn’t mean they aren’t happening. The gasoline prices are obvious to all of us. The rising stock market may not be obvious to all.
The lesson for all of us is to be optimistic about the future. Don’t let the naysayers tell you we are heading for hell in a hand basket. The future looks bright. And, you can make your own future bright by taking action you may never have thought of taking. Go for it! You won’t know what there is to gain until you look for it.
Peter
RISK IS A GREAT TEACHER
#risk #failure
We have to start life somewhere.
When we do, our relationship with the future is, well, complicated.
Kate O’Neill, founder and principal of KO Insights, discussed this idea in a May 11, 2014, column in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
O’Neill discussed a project she had worked on for a large firm. One of the executives asked her how long a particular feature would take. She told him eight months. He asked how sure she was in that projection. She answered, “70 percent.” He told her that the longer it takes to get something done, the more risk there is and the less certain we can be about it.
The lesson: “Every day could be your last,” O’Neill writes. “Whether it is or not, you can take intentional, meaningful risks today to build the future you might get to enjoy.”
We hear a lot of talk today about uncertainty, as if forgetting the old adage that the only things certain are death and taxes. Part of the uncertainty talk is about taxes, and the fear of rising taxes is keeping some potential employers from expanding, so they say.
No one can know what will come next, but it should never stop us from acting. If you know you have something good, go for it. If you are unsure that what you have is good, then it may be best to stop, think and evaluate. How can I make this idea that I THINK might be good a little clearer to me?
Fear, sometimes irrational fear, can sometimes prevent us from doing something that would be good for us. Don’t let fear, particularly irrational fear, stop you.
Don’t blow something off because you THINK you know it may hurt you, before determining for certain that it will. In other words, standing in front of a moving train certainly could hurt you, so don’t do it. But examining a new business venture, or interviewing for a job that you may not think you can do may benefit you. The worst that can happen is failure that you are certain to learn from. The best that could happen is a very positive life-changing experience.
You feel great when you’re “in the zone.” But if that zone is a comfort zone, be wary. The comfort could disappear, then what?
O’Neill writes that our complicated relationship with the future can make us live our days in a balance of hope and impatience. Have you ever told your (pick one: parents, spouse, teachers) that you are onto something big, and they ask you when you expect to achieve success? Though you would like it to be tomorrow, success often doesn’t come quickly. You may have an idea of a perfect time, but that perfect time may come and go. If you know what you have, and what you are doing, are good, don’t give up because your predicted timing has come and gone. As O’Neill says: “try, fail, learn adjust. Try, succeed, learn, adjust. Then, try, fail, learn, adjust” etc.
If you are open to looking for something that could give you the future you want, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You will see how others are living their dreams, and how you could, too.
If you fear uncertainty, learn that uncertainty is a way of life. But don’t avoid positive action because you fear the uncertainty. Take, as O’Neill calls them, meaningful risks. Step outside the comfort zone if the comfort has disappeared. You will survive. You could thrive, if you maintain the drive. Forget the fret. It wastes energy.
You may not know the perfect time, but it is out there if you keep looking for it.
Peter
ATTITUDE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT
#attitude
To paraphrase a Southwest Airlines ad: We all know airline employees have attitudes, but we have the good ones.
When your parents told you have an attitude, it was not a compliment. Of course, if you didn’t have the attitude THEY wanted you to have, you were told you have an attitude.
But Gregg Steinberg, professor of human performance at Austin Peay University in Tennessee, believes an attitude can be the force, as in “Star Wars,” that should be with you. He wrote about that in an Oct. 12, 2014, column in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
As a child, your parents did not want you have independent thought. They saw that as attitude. They did not want you to think that things they had taught you could be wrong.
As adults, it’s desirable to question things. It’s desirable to investigate for oneself whether something is right or wrong. It’s best, as an adult, not to assume or presume. It’s best to make judgments based on facts.
But attitude is much more than finding facts and making judgments. Attitude is belief. To quote Steinberg, attitude is a force. It’s also, as he said, a choice.
One can choose to be optimistic or pessimistic. Once can choose to see the world as a great place, or a doomed place. Once can choose to believe that the best years of their lives are ahead of them.
Of course, belief is a start. One must act on what he believes. He must choose to fight through the gloom and doom and take charge of his life.
How does one do that when “life” has hit him upside the head? First, he recalls what is good in his life – and we all have good in our lives. Then, he is grateful for the good in his life. Chances are, what’s good in one’s life trumps what’s bad. So, we fight through the bad by having an attitude of gratitude.
Then, one must ask: what can I do to make things great? If you are having trouble finding a good answer to that question, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You’ll see people who had trouble answering that question in the past finding the answer in abundance.
But no good thing comes to us without effort. We must make an effort not only to believe there is good out there, but to find it.
Once we find it, we must do what we need to do to get it. Once we get it, we must help others believe it, find it and grab it.
Perhaps it’s not what lies beneath that matters. It’s what lies within.
Our circumstances may rattle and shake us. But they should never break us.
We mustn’t fear the future, for it eventually will be bright if we make it so.
So, as an adult, it’s OK to have an attitude. It’s OK to defy what peril has been put upon you.
We all have so much good in our lives. Embrace that to start with, then go get more of it.
Attitude is a choice. Choose wisely.
Peter
WE LOVE STORIES; AND THEY WORK
#stories
OK, what’s your story?
Is it good?
Are there plenty of bootstraps, hard labor, starting with nothing, build from the ground up in it?
Kate O’Neill, founder and principal of KO Insights, recently had a client for whom she helped compile her stories. The client was a CEO of an up-and-coming company, and O’Neill was helping her feel more comfortable talking to the press.
In business, stories sell. If your business is good, your stories – about your products or services, about your company and about yourself – will also be good. They need to be well told.
O’Neill wrote about her client in an Aug. 31, 2014, column in the Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
Meaningful stories provide a colorful antidote to the mundane questions like, “what do you do,” O’Neill writes.
Business networking experts also try to coach clients to tell stories, even if they only have a few seconds to talk to someone in an elevator. One can answer the “what do you do” question with something other than “I’m in marketing.” The answer can be a colorful story about, say, how you helped solve a client’s problem. The person posing the question may or may not be looking for a clever answer, but a colorful story will likely be remembered for a long time.
O’Neill says the best stories are often those about employees who exemplify the company’s brand and culture, or about customers who have become raving fans of your product.
For those of us who may not be in business, crafting a good story from our job, or our life, makes interesting and often impressive party talk. We never know whom we meet, and we need to presume that every person who asks about us is a potential client or employer.
Experts on crafting resumes often advise clients that job titles are often meaningless. It’s better to spell out what you did for your employers, i.e. how much money you saved them, or earned for them, whether something you did helped the company make needed changes etc.
As children, or even as adults, we heard some marvelous stories – particularly around campfires. Many were fiction. But, we were excited to hear them, and our elders were excited to retell them, over and over. We remember them well into adulthood, notwithstanding the old saw about how a story changes with each telling.
Crafting your own stories can take work. You may even need help, which is what some of us do for a living. But you need to tell your stories right and well, so you don’t feel uncomfortable telling them to the world.
Some of you may be modest. Some of you don’t believe you have a story. Everyone has a story. Many have multiple stories. Tell them with confidence.
Looking for something to come into your life that will create a great story for you? Visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. Listen and watch some great success stories from average people who have completely changed their lives. You may want to do the same.
So work on your story. Get help if you need it. Learn to create conversations about your products, services, skills and yourself. You just may run into the one person who will be so impressed with your story that he or she completely changes your life.
Peter