Imagine being a pessimist and being a leader.
How can you lead people, or yourself, to success if failure is always in view.
That isn’t to say that leaders might not be realistic, but it would be difficult to find success if you never can see it.
Gregg Steinberg, professor of human performace at Austin Peay State University, uses the example of Diana Nyad, who swam from Cuba to Florida in September 2013, after several tries. Nyad had been trying to complete the swim since 1978. She faced obstacles like stinging jellyfish and other occurrences, but on her fifth try, everything was finally in place to ward off failure and she completed the swim.
Steinberg wrote about Nyad and optimism in the Sept. 29,2013, edition of the Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
He says that even people who are natural pessimists can succeed by changing their view of failure. He talks about the TUF strategy, in which failure is viewed as temporary, unique and flexible. He says people who long for success must have internal dialogue that describes failure as TUF. It’s temporary, meaning today was not the day. Tomorrow we have another chance. Unique, because each situation is unique and a better situation will arise tomorrow. Today’s attempt was a strikeout, but there’s another turn at bat tomorrow. People talk within themselves about flexibility, because one or two tweaks in strategy may change the results.
All successful people have known failure. They’ve come to accept it as part of the journey. But they are always optimistic that failure today could become success tomorrow.
In recent years, it seems many of us are surrounded by failure. A good job may be gone. Our mortgage debt may have turned from manageable to underwater, with no action by us. The idea of getting a job, or working for a company for life has all but disappeared.
We see previous generations, now retired, who’ve never experienced this. They may or may not be able to help us. It’s not that we’re lazy. It’s just that our comfort zone has gotten very prickly.
What to do? First, as Steinberg suggests, maintain your optimism. If that’s not natural for you, try to change the inner dialogue you have with yourself. Sure, optimism isn’t going to give you a paycheck tomorrow, and it may not cover your underwater mortgage, but it will help you believe that there is something better out there awaiting you.
It may be a great job that you had never envisioned doing. It may be that person you had just met, who will become meaningful in your life. It may be something totally unexpected. But if you never believe good things will come, they may show up and you won’t recognize them. Your ship may come in, but if you don’t see it, you’ll miss the boat.
You also have to look at things that may be outside your comfort zone. For one such thing, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. It may not be your ship, but you won’t know unless you go to the dock to check it out.
Regardless, optimism and a positive attitude is the one thing you can do for yourself, despite your circumstances. Look at your life so far, and see where you are. Take stock about what’s good in your life. Be thankful for those blessings. Then, see about fixing what’s wrong. You may need some help, but don’t EXPECT help. Ships will come and go, but check out every one. A certain one may have your ticket to success.
Stay focused and positive. Be optimistic. Remember, employers are looking for people who have a genuinely good outlook on life. That may be the key to you landing that great opportunity.
Be optimistic that your ship is waiting.
Peter
Author Archives: pbilodeau01
COMMITMENT VS. OBLIGATION
Most of us have both commitments and obligations.
What’s the difference? A commitment is something YOU do for yourself. An obligation is something OTHERS put upon you.
When you get married, you agree to be committed to your spouse. You will do what you need to do to make the relationship work, and build a life. You accept any obligations that your spouse puts upon you, because you want to be committed to that person. For example, one spouse may elect to stay home with the children, while the other spouse goes to work to support the family. Each spouse accepts the obligations of those roles, because they want to be committed to the family.
In religion, a church may put obligations upon you. But, if you choose to be committed to the faith, you accept the obligations.
If your parents, children or other family members need something from you, or need you to be available to serve their needs, those are obligations. If you are committed to the relationship with that person, you accept those. If your commitment to the relationship wanes, those obligations become burdensome.
When we retire, it’s best to retire with no prejudices, pretenses or burdensome obligations. With no prejudices, you might tend to try something, or do something, that never occurred to you to try or do before. Or, you may not have had time or opportunity when you were working to try or do those things. With no pretenses, you can be yourself. Very often, working people have to pretend to be someone or like some things to please bosses. Any obligations you have in retirement should not be burdensome, if you can help it. It should depend on how committed you want to be to those obligations.
We all need to periodically take a look at our lives, how we spend our time and with whom we spend our time. Are the things we do more chore than pleasure? Are the people we spend time with good or bad influences on you? Though it’s nearly impossible to eliminate every chore, or like every person we see, we can choose our commitments most of the time. Don’t be afraid to say “No,” if doing something, or being with someone, will not necessarily be good for you. At the same time, don’t be hurt when you hear “No,” if you try to obligate another person.
One should not fear commitment, but neither should one commit to everything. One should choose commitments wisely, lest we increase our burdensome obligations.
Once one commits, he must follow through, unless relieving himself of the commitment is in his best interest. Not every (pick one: marriage, relationship, activity) is worth staying with if it does not work for you. If you give something, you must WANT to give it, lest it becomes a burden.
Burdensome obligations become clutter in our lives when there is not the commitment to back them up.
We all certainly make commitments we regret. We stay with them for as long as we have to, because we are dependable people. That’s why it’s adviseable to analyze our relationships and activities periodically, and try to eliminate the ones that clutter our lives as best we can.
If you are looking to re-prioritize your life with a commitment you want to make, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. It may or may not be for you. If it is, go for it. If not, pass it by. Other commitments in your life that have become obligations that may not be so easily relieved. Remember that one commitment can eventually be replaced by a better one, if you are willing to look at your life, and at other things, periodically.
Choose your commitments wisely, or they may become burdensome obligations.
Peter
NO WIZARDRY: JUST DO IT!
Nike owns the trademark on “Just Do It,” but it is also part of “The Oz Principle,” as explained in the book by the same name.
Not only should you “Do It,” but beforehand you should “See It, Own It and Solve It,” as authors Roger Connors, Tom Smith and Craig Hickman explain.
They base their findings on the characters in “The Wizard of Oz,” by L. Frank Baum, made into a 1939 movie that is still shown to audiences decades hence. Basically, the characters journeyed to see the wizard in the great land of Oz to get the things they needed for a fuller, happier life. It turns out, they could have gotten what they wanted all along, through their own efforts.
“The Oz Principle” preaches that you have what you need to get what you want in most cases. But YOU are accountable for getting it. You are not a victim. It’s not someone else’s fault. You just must always ask, “what can I do to get the results I want.”
Empowerment is a great thing. We’d all like to work with entities in which the person you are talking to can get you what you need, and has the authority to make things better for you. Too often, though, we run up against entities in which the voice on the phone, or the person behind the desk, can’t fix things himself, whether he might like to. If the person doesn’t care, kicking the problem to someone else is a perfect out. He can claim that it isn’t his job. If he’d like to help you, one would want him to take the risk of helping you, even if it isn’t his job.
We must also look at our own lives. Some of us have been dealt serious blows, particularly in the last few years. Some of what’s been done to us is not our fault. Still, we must own our own destinies. No one is going to give us a life. What we thought was “safe,” has proved otherwise. We must take control of us and, in turn, hold ourselves accountable for our outcomes.
Gotten laid off, downsized or reorganized out of a good situation? Not only does it happen, but it will probably happen a lot more often in the future. When it happens to us, we cannot be the victim of our employer’s (pick one: greed, bankruptcy, declining market share, merger). WE have the ability to turn our lives around. But, here’s the key: we have to be willing to look outside our comfort zones for something that will give us the opportunity to control our destinies.
That isn’t to say things are not going to happen. We can’t control natural or even corporate disasters. We can’t control the marketplace. We can’t control what someone else does that could hurt us. But we can control how we deal with the situation.
So when your comfort zone is upended, it can’t be that comfortable anymore. Wishing for it to be the way it was won’t make that happen. Only we can make the change that we need, to get the results we want.
When your comfortable chair wears out, you may never find one exactly like it again. But, you have to sit. So, you have to shop around to find a chair that may be different from the one that wore out, but that you can, at least eventually, find comfortable.
Sometimes, chair shopping is easy. Sometimes, it may not be. But comfort zones wear out and new comfort zones are required. If your comfort zone has worn out, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You may find something totally different, but you won’t know how comfortable the chair is unless you sit in it.
We all must see our problems, own them, solve them and do what it takes to get the results we want. No wizard is out there to hand us what we need. We have to create it or find it. Circumstances will hit us, but we have to decide how we are going to deal with them.
We have to be OUR wizards. We may have to travel down different yellow brick roads to create a life, but it has to be our doing. We have to account for it. We have to do it, even if it scares us.
Peter
TRUST IS A VALUABLE COMMODITY
Trust must be earned. It can’t be ordered.
Therefore, trust is valuable.
If you’ve earned the trust of others, they will do what you want them to, and they expect you to have their backs.
As you earn trust, don’t lose it. It could cost you dearly.
Rory Vaden, a self-discipline strategist and speaker, as well as co-founder of Southwestern Consulting, lists seven ways to lose trust. They are: be selfish, be protective (of your turf), be ungrateful, be self-centered, be passive-aggressive, be negative and be incongruent.
Vaden talked about these trust busters in a Sept. 8, 2013, column in the Tennessean newspaper of Nashville.
People generally trust positive, upbeat people. Sure, we all occasionally meet phonies who fein a positive attitude, but turn out to be snakes in the grass. But most of us can spot those folks easily, before too much trust has been established. We react differently to those who are genuninely positive.
People who are genuinely positive, even under difficult circumstances, also tend not to be selfish. They tend to be grateful for anything anyone does for them. They tend to think of others first, and that generally separates them from the phonies.
They tend to be private people, but not secretive. They tend not to protect their own turf at any cost. They tend to do what they say and say what they mean all the time. They would not even think about being devious, unless it’s all in fun, as in surprising one’s spouse on a birthday.
Sometimes it’s difficult to trust, especially when someone you’d trusted violates the trust. In that case, don’t presume EVERYONE will violate your trust, and give the person who has violated trust sufficent time to earn it back. Many marriages that could have been saved dissolve because one spouse’s trust was violated, and the other spouse is never given a chance to earn it back. The rule here might be that one violation of trust is not insurmountable. Trust can be earned back. Multiple violations of trust may do you in.
In marriage, not only is it virtuous to be trustworthy with your spouse, but more convenient. It has to be really difficult keeping a false story straight every time, day in and day out. Eventually, if you try to do that, you’ll slip up and get caught. If you are trustworthy, period, your spouse always knows everything, and everything he or she knows about you is true.
One’s trust should be given with care, but still given. Never trusting anyone will lead a person to a pretty miserable life. It’s OK to trust. It’s also OK to, as former U.S. President Ronald Reagan once put it, to verify, if there is any question.
You’ve heard that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Sometimes, we have good things come into our lives, yet we don’t trust that they are true, or they will do what they say they will do.
If you are looking to improve your life, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You can trust that everything you read, hear and see there is true.
Trusting, and being trustworthy will also improve your life. Trust is valuable to give and valuable to receive. Do both with care.
Peter
CHOOSE TO BE CONFIDENT
Confidence is a choice.
Sure, results can encourage confidence and failings can discourage it, but whether or not you are confident in any situation is entirely in your hands.
Gregg Steinberg, author of “Full Throttle” and professor of human performance at Austin Peay State University, used golfer Jason Dufner as his example of choosing to be confident. His choice led Dufner to victory in the PGA Championship in August 2013. Steinberg’s column appeared in the Tennessean newspaper in Nashville Sept. 1, 2013.
Not everyone finds the choice to be confident easy. Many go into job interviews, tests, and other stressful situations in which one’s performance is evaluated without confidence. Not all of those situations will turn out the way one wants, but if one is confident, failure won’t matter. Next time, or the time after that etc., you will succeed.
People like to be around confident people. As we discussed last week, Andy Andrews, in his book, “The Noticer,” described success as having people WANT to be around you. Confidence will help you persuade people to want to be around you.
Confidence is a shield against the word, “No.” If you don’t fear “No,” you know you are confident. When you don’t fear “No,” you can collect as many of them as are out there and just toss them aside. You have to collect “No’s” to find the “Yeses.”
Are you choosing to be confident yet? If not, Steinberg suggests that you have a planned statement you can say to yourself, or someone else, to inspire your confidence. “I choose to be confident,” is one that Steinberg suggests. Or, “I will not fear No,” “I will win,” are a couple of others.
Steinberg also suggests that you recall a time when you were very confident before delving into your currents stressful situation. Perhaps you were confident you would win when you played on a first-place athletic team. Steinberg suggests that as you think of a time in which you were very confident, write down why you felt that way and carry it with you. As you feel your confidence sliding, take a look at that.
The idea of writing things down is almost universal advice. After all, it’s not money that we all want, it’s success. You encourage success by writing down the things you would do when you are successful – either for yourself or for someone else. Confidence encourages us to help others that need us, and that attitude will encourage our own success.
It’s best not to confuse confidence with arrogance. The choice to be confident is helpful. The choice to be arrogant is not. Confident people are humble. Arrogant people are egotistical. Confident people give to others. Arrogant people take from others.
Remember that situations can inspire confidence, but cannot create it. We must create it ourselves. When we create it ourselves, we display confidence in any situation, and circumstances will be meaningless.
If you have created your own confidence, and are looking for a vehicle in which to apply it, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. Check out how people have overcome circumstances to never fear the word, “No,” for they know something many others do not know.
So be confident, be accountable and create a world that until now, you’ve only dreamed of. Write down today what that world would look like, and carry it with you. It will help keep you on your confident path.
Peter
THE BEST IS YET TO COME
“The best is yet to come and babe, won’t it be fine.” (from the song by Cy Coleman and Carolyn Leigh, recorded by Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett).
Jones — just Jones, no Mr. – is an old man who thrives on helping people see that the future is always bright – no matter one’s current circumstance.
Jones is the lead character in Andy Andrews’ book, “The Noticer,” which professional golfer Nancy Lopez called the greatest book she’s ever read.
Jones has a gift for noticing things, he says. He also has a gift for showing up in people’s lives to give them perspective on a problem – at the exact time they need it.
He is spiritual, yet practical. But mostly, he is ALWAYS optimistic that everyone will have a great future, no matter his age, or current troubles.
We probably all have a Jones character in our lives. It might be a friend, family member coworker, colleague or someone we’d just met. We may not even be able to identify that person off the top of our heads – but he or she is there. All we have to do is listen to him, and follow his advice.
We’ve all heard the saying that when God closes a door, he opens a window. We just have to recognize where the window is and go through it.
The last five years or so have been difficult for lots of people. There’s been much wailing and gnashing of teeth about what caused it, who’s to blame and what magic bullet is going to make things right again.
We are starting to see things get better, but too many people are still down. They may feel it to be the worst time in their lives. But as Andrews’ character points out, what seems to be the worst time in your life may lead you to the best time of your life. The secret to success, according to Jones: have people want to be around you.
Not a “people” person? Become one. No one has to undergo a radical personality change, but just try to see yourself from others’ perspective. What would THEY change about you, if they could, as Jones puts it.
Don’t know a lot of people? Start with the ones you do know. Make sure THEY want to be around you. Depending on how well you know them, you might ask them what they would change about you, if they could. Once you get the people you know to want to be around you, then you can work on those you don’t yet know. Believe it or not, it takes some effort to have people want to be around you.
Got people around you who are always negative, always saying, “Woe is me?” You might have to change the people around you, to paraphrase a popular adage, if the people already around you won’t change.
Be fun, but be good. Do the right thing, even when no one is looking. You see, good people don’t have to act, or put on a show. They are good to the core, naturally.
You don’t have to be a social butterfly. But be a good inviter. Invite people to coffee, lunch, dinner or whatever.
As you do this, you might, if you don’t have something already, have something to show them when you invite them. It needs to be something of which they can choose to partake – or not. Good inviters take no for an answer. If you don’t have something to show, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You might find the best thing you’ve never heard of. And, you might want to show it to the world.
You also may find your Jones – or at least some perspective on your life that you’d not seen yet. Regardless, just know, as Jones says in Andrews’ book, that the past is not what you should focus on. The present may not be pleasant, but, no matter your age, the best is yet to come.
Peter
REINFORCEMENT, PUNISHMENT AND PERFORMANCE
It doesn’t matter where you work, your boss wants you to be productive.
You may or may not be as concerned as he is about your productivity, as long as you get paid.
You may have a love/hate relationship with your job – you love the paycheck (or maybe it’s not enough) but you hate the work. But, you need to be there to get the aforementioned paycheck.
Some people love their work so much they would do it even if they were not getting paid. There may be very few of those folks, but they are out there.
Others may be saying to themselves, as is imprinted on some coffee mugs, “I Went To School All Those Years To Do This?”
Author Bill Sims Jr., in his first book, “Green Beans & Ice Cream,” talks about the power of positive reinforcement in the workplace. He quotes a statistic that says 68 percent of workers have never heard the words “Thank You” from their bosses.
Though we all work for a paycheck, cash may not be the best motivator. Acknowledgement and praise for good work may be better at improving productivity. It comes down to this: as a worker, what choice are you making on the job when no one is watching? If you like where you work, and are getting the right positive reinforcement, you’ll choose to always be productive, Sims says.
In any relationship, what choices do you make when no one is watching? Are you always faithful to your spouse? Do you always eat the right foods? Do you cheat, even a little, on, say, your taxes?
Some choices may be “wrong,” on their face, but at the time, you may not see the harm. Many of us go a tad over the speed limit when we are driving. Many of us take our personal documents to work to make “free” copies. As humans, we are not without sin, and we don’t cast the first stones, but these things just seem “OK.”
But on the job, are you working under the duress of your consequences for NOT doing what you’re supposed to, or are you recognized appropriately for doing what you should, when you should. Sims cites the firefighter who instinctively goes into a burning building to save a life, without regard for his own safety. That’s the ultimate in making the right choice when no one is looking.
Think about why you do what you do, not only at work, but in other life situations. It’s rare for many people to ALWAYS make the right choices, but if you are choosing correctly most of the time, give yourself a pat on the back. Or, as Sims calls it, “Self R+.”
If you are continuing to work under duress for a pittance of a paycheck, don’t fret. There are other ways to make money that may allow you one day to fire the punishing boss. To check out one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. It may not be a quick solution to the problem, but it may give you reason to dream of the day of dumping your dumb job and helping others do the same.
Meanwhile, though, don’t give up what is putting food on the table. As long as you are there, find ways to motivate yourself to make the right choices when no one is looking. You’ll actually feel much better about yourself. Having that “Self R+” will help you in all your future endeavors, inside or outside of work.
How cool would it be to become so confident that you’ll do the right thing that no temptation will steer you to the wrong path? Sims’ mother wanted him to eat his green beans, She offered ice cream as a reward if he did. Over time, he learned to like green beans, even as his mother gradually backed off the amount of ice cream he ate.
You, too, can learn to like the green beans of your job – or at least tolerate them. It certainly would help if your boss offered you acknowledgement and praise for doing the right thing, instead of only punishment for mistakes. In the meantime, if your boss is unkind, be open to other avenues. They may lead you to the right path of acknowledgement and praise.
Peter
WORK, INSURANCE AND THE FUTURE
The media is abuzz with stories about employers cutting full-time workers back to part time because they believe health care reform will be prohibitively expensive.
If you are in that situation, there is a silver lining.
The time your boss has freed up for you is time you can use to find other ways to make money.
Now, you may say you are just a working stiff, and you need all the hours your boss can give you – not to mention the insurance benefits he might be taking away.
You also might think that this is temporary. Your boss will see what a penny-wise and pound-foolish decision it was to cut your hours back, and the extra hours you would give him will more than cover what it’s costing him in salary and benefits.
After all, if he didn’t need you for 40 or more hours, he wouldn’t have hired you for 40 or more hours. He would not have been that stupid, would he?
It’s tough to call this decision by some employers a knee-jerk reaction. It’s been talked about for a long time. But it may indeed be short-sighted. Your boss may just complicate his life more than he realizes if he does this.
For example: he’s probably going to have to hire another part-timer to cover the hours he is taking away from you. That part-timer may not be as good at the work as you are, or have as much experience. He’s going to have to allow for time for the new guy to get up to speed. How many sales, or how much productivity, will he lose by that? How much is that worth to him, in the overall scheme of things?
Retired syndicated radio talk-show host Neal Boortz talked about this Monday, Aug. 19, 2013, while filling in for his replacement, Herman Cain. He says that temporary employment agencies might find an opportunity in this tumult. Temporary workers would be great at filling in the gaps left by cutting back full-timers to part time. Well, bosses, good luck with that!
Good, long-term employees have a value that you can’t measure entirely with salary and benefits. Some years ago, there was an adage among employers: in the first three years of an employee’s tenure, that employee was giving you more than you were paying in total compensation. After three years, as benefits and salary increase, the employee was suddenly costing you more than he was giving you back in labor.
But the intangibles that a good, long-term employee gives his employer can be overlooked. For example: the person who’s been in the job for a few years can usually do it with minimal direction and supervision, presuming he is a good, loyal worker. He might even see things in the job that the boss doesn’t , and create efficiences he doesn’t even realize.
Yes, employers, this is real money thatmay or may not be obvious – until that person is gone for a time. So why would bosses do this to those folks who have made them prosperous?
As for the employee, the unintended gift your boss may be giving you is time to check out other ways to make money. There are many, but to look at one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. It’s been said that some people work full time at their jobs, and part time on their fortunes. If you now are working “part time” at your job, here’s your chance to gain time to work on your fortune.
One day, your boss may be surprised that the good person he’s had for years is leaving “to pursue other (more prosperous) opportunities.” All this, because of pre-hyped fear of insurance costs. Let’s hope the temporary worker he hires works out. Good luck with that, bosses!
Peter
WHAT IF …
Do you ever ask “what if?”
Chances are, if you do, you have cultivated the ability to dream.
If you don’t, you probably either don’t believe your life could change, or you accept things the way they are.
Ask yourself this: if you don’t believe your life can change, why do you feel that way? Do you believe your life is the way it is because of circumstances beyond your control? The better life goes to someone else because they were either born into it, or have lucked into it? The stars were aligned to benefit them, not you?
If you accept things the way are, are you happy with the way things are? If not, why do you accept them? Do you believe you don’t have the power to change them?
You DON’T have to accept things the way they are if you don’t like them.
You HAVE the power to change things, as long as you are open to change.
Perhaps your situation is not what you want, but it’s comfortable for you, or it’s all you know.
If you have a job you hate, but you can’t just quit, there’s a way out. It requires you to look at ways to make money other than working at a job you hate. Don’t quit your job yet, if you can’t. Just consider the many other income options available to you during some of the hours you are not at your job.
Some of those income solutions may appear uncomfortable at first, but if you really want to change your life, you may have to move outside of what’s comfortable. As you do that, the initial discomfort will slowly disappear.
Remember, too, that something worth having sometimes requires some discomfort. It might also require some extra effort. Laziness is not an option.
Do you think that some of these income options are not for you? Perhaps they aren’t. But just know that these options are available if YOU have the desire to change your life.
Don’t have that desire? Perhaps your life is not that bad. Perhaps your life might even be quite good. Perhaps you love what you do.
Here’s the rub: Some they love what they do, but it’s not paying the bills. Having a second income option could change that. They can do what they love, and still pay their bills — even boost their lifestyle.
So what are these income options? There are many excellent ones. To check out one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. Perhaps it will encourage you to ask yourself, what if?
Perhaps you’ll be encouraged to dream. Perhaps you can do good, once you do well. Perhaps you can help others find and achieve their dreams.
There may be some discomfort. There may be some uncertainty. Perhaps there will be some extra effort required.
Soon, though, you’ll start to see that it was all worth it. You can dream, and help others dream. Soon. you won’t accept things the way they are.
Soon, your life WILL change.
Peter
SHIFTING PARENTING GOALS
You’ve heard the stories. A kid grows up in a great family with wonderful parents, then, for some unexplainable reason, gets into trouble.
Perhaps it happened because his parents had a somewhat misguided goal: to raise a good kid.
Andy Andrews, author and storyteller, talked about this when he spoke to the Team National convention in Orlando in July 2013.
He says that parents should not have the goal to raise good kids. Instead, their goal should be to raise kids that will become great adults.
What’s the difference? Look at it this way: a parent tells the story of how their child went wrong when he grew up, and they say they did everything right. But did they?
Some parents believe that if they can keep their kids isolated into their own world for as long as possible, they will have values so embossed into their being that they will never want to stray into the world of drugs, alcohol, crime etc.
Some parents want to influence kids to the point of having a say in whom they marry.
But sometimes, restricting kids can create pent-up demand to explore the outside world. They may want to meet people who are not like them. They will want to see places they were never allowed to see, or do things they were never allowed to do.
Some parents don’t want their children asking questions. They’d prefer to give them only information they “need to know,” and on their terms.
No parent can stop curiosity. No parent can stop the natural feelings children may have for others as they grow older. No parent can keep a child in a bubble for life.
What one hopes for as a parent is that the child grows to make good choices. Sometimes, that might mean exposing them to people who’ve made bad choices while they are young.
In the movie “The Jazz Singer,” Neil Diamond’s character grows up in a very conservative Jewish household. His father tells him that he has to know where he came from to know where he is going.
Instead of being a cantor in a synagogue, Diamond’s character grows up to be a singer who performs pop music in front of huge audiences – like Diamond in real life.
Being a successful performer is not what his father wanted for Diamond’s character. He wanted him to use his talents as a servant to the synagogue. Eventually, the father came to embrace the son for who he is.
Children will become who they are, no matter the circumstances in which they grow up. A parent’s goal is to see their child become a great adult – one who helps others, who has humility, integrity and generosity.
If you raise a child like that, you are a successful parent. The child may get there via a path you did not design for them, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is the result on the other end.
Raising good children is fine, but it doesn’t stop there. Watching them make life choices can be painful to you, but you have to love them for who they are. If they get in trouble, help them. If they pursue a life path of which you don’t approve, just look at the result. If they have excellent personal qualities as adults, you did a great job as a parent.
If you have grown to adulthood and are looking to make good choices, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. It could be the biggest life-changing choice you could ever make. No matter what you do in life, choose wisely and make your parents – eventually – proud.
Peter