#gifts #giving #receiving #reciprocation #leaders
France gave the U.S. The Statue of Liberty.
In an Etsy ad, Americans are perplexed that they now have to give France a return gift.
They decide to give France a cheese board, because of the French love of cheese.
A cheeseboard does not compare to the Statue of Liberty, but the ad indicates the French were thrilled with the reciprocation.
The ad raises an interesting point: do you feel the need to reciprocate when given a gift? Or, do you give gifts expecting some reciprocation?
If you expect reciprocation, do you see yourself as a giving person?
First, good leaders give. They don’t expect to get anything back, but they usually do, in one form or another.
Others are simply transactional. They are the proverbial reciprocal back-scratchers. They would not dream of scratching anyone’s back if their backs were not scratched in return.
Most of us, though, understand that it is better to give than receive. We give because it’s the right thing to do. We expect nothing in return, though we may get something – even if it is just personal satisfaction – back for what we give.
There is joy in giving. If you are in business, you want your customers to feel that you have given them much more than they paid for.
You can do that without it costing you. You can do that by just being pleasant to deal with, showing empathy to your customers’ needs or making them feel good about the transaction they are undertaking.
You can also do that by helping them use your product or service to maximum effect.
For example, if you sell tools in a hardware store, you can show them how they might build or repair whatever they need the tool(s) for.
For some, it takes effort to be nice or cordial. For others, it comes naturally. You don’t necessarily have to be everyone’s best friend, but you can make everyone feel that you are.
That way, they will want to patronize your business again and again.
You may want them to feel you are giving them a gift without expecting something in return, yet, their return is to keep patronizing you.
Good leaders, and good businesspeople, give and get. They never take. The act of taking means that those being taken lose, while the taker wins.
The act of giving means the giver expects nothing in return. The receiver wins. The giver wins, too, in some way.
So, if you give a gift, expect the receiver not to have to immediately reciprocate. Undoubtedly, he or she will reciprocate in due time, in some fashion.
Giving a gift does not have to be a transaction, though it can often turn into one.
Peter
Tag Archives: leaders
INDEPENDENCE AND HERDING CATS
#independence #HerdingCats #interdependence #leaders #followers
Independence is a virtue.
We all want to do what we want, when we want, regardless of what others want us to do.
But, complete independence of others, in the real world, not only has pitfalls, but also can be hurtful, even dangerous.
Smart, independent people know when to convert independence to interdependence when warranted.
Cats are known for independence. It’s difficult to get them to follow anything. If they come to you, they do so on their terms.
We often see leaders trying to “herd cats” when too many independent people are under them.
Following a leader, or the crowd, has its own dangers.
Following for the sake of following can result in boring contentment, which can lead to underachievement, even danger.
Smart and independent people understand that, often, success comes when people work together. One can make another successful, and vice versa, when combining skill, talent and ambition.
Of course, for people to come together, there has to be a motive that results in the good of all.
Some independent people look for those who will follow unconditionally. Others prefer to earn followers through their own effort, or their contributions to the overall group effort.
Most parents want their children to be independent. They want to raise them with good values, so they can succeed on their own as adults.
Too often, children become so dependent on their parents that they never leave home. That’s not only a burden on the parents, but also a detriment to the child.
But, as parents raise children to be independent, they want them to learn the difference between independence and interdependence. Most parents would prefer children not only to succeed on their own, but also be an integral part of a community that does good things that benefit all.
So, be independent. But, use that independence wisely. Know what your limits may be, and when you may need help.
The world depends on independent people who know when interdependence takes precedence.
An old adage goes like this: lead, follow or get out of the way.
You can choose to lead, but to lead properly means helping those who follow to succeed. If you want to lead for selfish purposes, regardless of the effect on others, get out of the way.
For smart, independent folks, there are times to lead. There are times to follow. There may even be times to get out of the way.
True independence is knowing when and how to exercise it. Taking care of oneself is honorable, even desirable in some cases. But, don’t put oneself over the common good. That could cost you your independence.
To paraphrase the Golden Rule, if you do for others as you would have them do for you, you are truly independent.
Peter
GOOD LEADERS POSITION THEMSELVES TO BE LUCKY
#luck #leaders #leadership #success
You need luck to be a leader.
Though many people might quarrel with that statement, David Rubenstein, co-founder of The Carlyle Group private equity firm, told that to Fareed Zakaria on Zakaria’s GPS program on CNN Sunday, Sept. 13, 2020.
Rubenstein has interviewed many leaders of all styles in his research.
But let’s break this down a little more. Many would dispute that people who are leaders, who do well in life, are lucky. They also would dispute the opposite – that those that do not do as well are unlucky?
Rubenstein also believes leadership is a skill that can be learned.
If that’s the case, those willing to learn to be leaders just need to work at it. Luck really would have nothing to do with it.
You’ve heard others say that they would rather be lucky than good. If you are an amateur golfer, for instance, and you sink a long putt, you might consider yourself lucky.
But good luck is more than just carrying four-leaf clovers, a rabbit’s foot or some other charm.
Good luck is acquired, in general, by those willing to put themselves in position to get it.
How does one do that? It requires an open mind. It requires a person to look at things that may seem out of their comfort zone, and take a shot at them. You take enough shots at good things, and you will probably get lucky more often than not. Also, you can take multiple shots at ONE good thing and probably get lucky enough to keep you in the game.
Regular gamblers get lucky often enough to keep them coming back to the table. They also have the mind-set that losing – even losing often – goes with the territory. You might look at that as a failing forward strategy, though gambling might not be the best vehicle to do that.
That brings us to the topic of risk vs. luck. It would be difficult to find a real leader, or successful person, who didn’t take risks. One never gets to the top of the mountain by playing it completely safe, just as one doesn’t get rich with simply a savings account in a bank. He or she may start off with a savings account, but, eventually, for wealth to grow at a reasonable pace, he or she has to invest in things that may carry more risk.
It’s the person who takes calculated risks as opportunities arise that becomes successful. It’s the successful person who helps others succeed that becomes a leader.
Rubenstein points out that leaders come in various styles. In general, though, real leaders will, as the saying goes, know the way, go the way and show the way.
Do you consider yourself a leader? Are you willing to learn to be a leader? If so, do you have a vehicle that can propel you to the leadership you want to provide?
If what you are doing now doesn’t suit that scenario, there are many programs out there that can allow you to become a leader, regardless of your education, experience or background. As stated earlier, you may have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone to check out these programs.
If you are, and want to check out one of the best such programs, message me.
In short, luck doesn’t just always just happen. More often, people put themselves in position to become lucky. To win, you have to be willing to play.
Successful people don’t just settle for contentment. Instead, they go for what they really want.
It’s also been said that good things come to those who wait. But, more than likely, if you are waiting and doing nothing to change things, good things will not come as quickly.
But if you are consistently doing things that put you in a position for good things to come to you, they likely will come more rapidly, and more often.
Peter
DEFINITION OF SUCCESS: MAKING SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT PROUD OF YOU
#leaders #bosses #ServantLeadership #MakeSomeoneProud
Make a list of everyone you care about.
Then, find out what would make them proud of you. How would that feel?
John Addison, former Co-CEO of Primerica, closes his book, “Real Leadership: 9 Simple Practices for Leading and Living With Purpose,” with that action step.
In Addison’s case, he wanted to make his parents proud.
He points out that not everyone had the kind of caring parents that he did. In that case, find some other person or people you care about that you’d like to be proud of you.
Often, accomplishments that evoke pride don’t have much to do with money.
Sometimes, if success leads to money, it may not be WHAT you achieved that matters, but HOW you achieved it. How many people did you help become successful along the way, is a question you should ask yourself.
Addison’s point is that if you conduct yourself in a manner that makes someone you care about proud, success is likely to result.
Certainly, there are wealthy or privileged people out there who got that way but hurting others, or using others who did not reap their just rewards.
They may have accomplishments to brag about, and they may make THEMSELVES proud, but they may not evoke pride in many others, much less among others that they may care about.
Addison’s book tells his story of fighting hard to preserve the company as he and the many who were associated with it wanted it. Sometimes, in the business world, one company is taken over by another, and its culture – even its reason for being – is sacrificed.
Addison risked his own well-being to make sure that didn’t happen to his company.
So what do you think you could do to make someone you care about proud?
Of course, we’re assuming that you care whether anyone else is proud of you. Most, undoubtedly, do care.
Perhaps you might be looking for something to come into your life that will change how you see life.
Maybe you’ve run into some bad luck over the last few years. You might even think that the chances of anything good happening to you are slim to none.
It could be that you aren’t looking in the right places.
If you are looking to change your life, there are many ways out there to do that. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You’ll see the stories of people who decided they were going to do something different, and found a way to evoke pride from those they care about.
One might have to think and do things a bit differently, but it can be done.
So don’t just make yourself proud. Sure, it can stoke your ego to do that. But you’ll probably find more success if you do something that will make someone you care about proud.
Peter
REAL LEADERS SHARE CREDIT WITH OTHERS
#leaders #bosses #ServantLeadership
Really great leaders share credit for good things and shoulder the responsibility when things go wrong.
A mediocre leader tries to impress people with how important he or she is. A great leader impresses upon people how important THEY are.
These are among the “Nine Simple Practices for Leading and Living With Purpose” in John Addison’s book, “Real Leadership.”
A boss is different from a leader. A boss can be a good leader, but a boss, or, if you prefer, a manager, tends to give orders and expects his staff to carry them out.
Real leaders, who may or may not be a “boss,” will help his or her staff or colleagues do their jobs by giving them what they need to be the most productive. As Addison puts it, they will shine a light on their people not to look for what they may do wrong, but to make sure what they do right gets the proper attention.
Addison’s book talks about the Hawthorne Effect,” in which a Chicago company told its employees that it was going to study them to look for ways to increase productivity. About all the company did, Addison says, is brighten the lights in the workplace.
Now, one could look at that as boss trying to find ways to get more work out of the people for the same wages. But the workers didn’t see it that way, Addison says.
They were so delighted that someone was paying attention to them that productivity soared.
The trick for the leaders is to KEEP paying attention to the workers and KEEP giving them the credit for the good things they do.
Certainly, not all employees will respond the same way. But if you are a leader and you hire and screen well, most will.
We’ve all worked for “bosses” of one degree or another. Sometimes we have to suck it up and work for people temporarily, just because we need to.
When you work for a real leader, who sees his or her job as working for YOU, work becomes almost pleasure.
Are you working just for a “boss”?
Do you see yourself as a leader in the making?
Do you want to find other leaders to work with, who will teach you things that a boss never would?
If so, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You’ll see and hear stories of servant leadership in the flesh.
It doesn’t take much to shine a light on others, Addison writes. But you have to check your ego at the door, and realize that helping others often brings success your way, too.
If you have a long-term goal to be a great leader, sometimes you might have to look outside your comfort zone to find the vehicle that will get you there.
Peter
HOW GOOD IS YOUR BOSS: PART 2
#BadBosses #leaders #managers
Most of us who’ve had jobs have seen different styles in managers.
There are some that left us, as employees, pretty much alone to do our jobs. They interfered only when necessary and appropriate.
Others wanted to know everything, have a say in everything, be copied on everything etc. They are known as micromanagers.
Debra Auerbach, a writer for the Advice and Resources section of CareerBuilder.com, issued a few tips on dealing with micromanagers. Her article appeared in the Feb. 21, 2016, edition of The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
Her first tip in dealing with a micromanager is to be on top of your game. You don’t want to give that boss more reason to nitpick, she writes.
Secondly, she suggests determining whether you are a target. See whether the manager picks on others he or she supervises, as much as he or she picks on you.
Thirdly, she suggests building trust. The manager has to trust you if you have any chance of getting “more space” from that manager.
She also suggests providing frequent updates to the manager, trying your best to adapt to that management style and deciding whether working in this environment is a deal-breaker for you.
We’ve all either worked for, or have seen in action, micromanagers. As discussed previously, leaders don’t micromanage. Leaders hire the right people and provide the environment in which the employees are empowered to do their jobs the best way they know how.
Ideally, the boss is doing what he or she does best, so he or she doesn’t have the time or inclination to worry about what the employees do best. Sure, there are certain expectations. But, if the leader has done his job correctly, he or she has no worries about those expectations being met or exceeded.
What kind of environment do you work in? Do you work for a micromanager? Many of them are not necessarily hostile toward you, but they annoy you and make your job more difficult than it should be.
Most jobs have stressful components. Micromanagers add to that stress. Leaders do their best to relieve as much of the stress as possible.
Micromanagers will still be all over your case when you are shorthanded because someone is out sick or on vacation. Leaders will understand that you are working shorthanded, and pitch in to help pick up some of the workload.
A micromanager can ruin the career of a perfectly good person by nitpicking. That manager may even set out to hold his or her people back from advancement. A leader will encourage his or her people to move on, when the opportunity is better for that employee, and even help that person get what he or she wants.
If your boss is nitpicking you to death, you may have to take time outside of work to find other opportunities to earn income, so you can make such nitpicking a deal-breaker. For one of the best ways to do that, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. Eventually, you could be the leader that helps others advance.
Remember, some nitpicky bosses don’t mean you harm. It’s just who they are. You are who you are. If you understand them, you can better get along with them, until you are able to move on. Don’t stop looking for new places to go.
Peter
HOW GOOD IS YOUR BOSS: PART 1
#BadBosses #leaders #managers
The Peter Principle is alive and well in many companies.
In a nutshell: A person becomes very talented and skilled in a certain area. He is promoted to manage that area. He becomes a terrible boss.
Jeff Vrabel discusses this in an article about bosses in the August 2015 issue of Success magazine.
“Some people are natural-born leaders. Others are cruel, inhuman monsters,” reads a sub-headline over Vrabel’s article.
We’ve come to expect, and Vrabel’s article points out, that those employees who perform well are rewarded by moving up to management. In most organizational structures, that is the only way to move up. But a good engineer, a good technician or a good marketer doesn’t always make a good leader. Too often, the opposite is true.
It’s important here to understand the difference between a manager and a leader. Managing is learned. Leadership tends to be natural.
So what happens? The promoted employee is given a list of procedures, a system, if you will, to learn. So he learns to be a manager. And, he or she isn’t even that good at managing.
“Leadership is personal. There’s no single way of leading, no silver bullet,” Vrabel quotes Deborah Ancona, faculty director of the MIT Leadership Center. “We can’t be perfect at everything. So if you’re someone’s boss, the trick is to find out what you’re really good at and what you need to ramp up on, and getting better at both,” Vrabel quotes Ancona.
As a boss, you could be doing everything YOUR boss is telling you to do, but your staff may still hate you. It’s human nature to like some people better than others. It’s also human nature to give more positive attention to some employees, and more negative attention to others.
When you mix the two traits of human nature, it can sometimes turn toxic. You may have a good employee, but, for some reason, you may not like him or her as well as you like some others. The employee senses that, and feels as if he or she is not being treated fairly. That puts added stress on the good employee, and that could manifest into the loss of that employee, or discord within the organization.
More importantly for the employee, he or she may not advance as far as he or she would like, or is capable of. That, too, could ruin a good career.
Managers have to work at treating everyone underneath them as fairly as they can. Leaders have to lead in their own way, as Ancona put it. It’s great to have high expectations of your staff. But if they don’t see you as having those high expectations of yourself, you won’t get the production or cooperation you want.
Many organizations foster competition among employees, rather than cooperation and teamwork. A good rule of thumb: If you are after the same goals, competition wastes energy. If each person or group in the same organization has different goals, it’s a recipe for disaster.
Have you been, or are you still, being frustrated by bad bosses? Are you feeling stuck under the duress of someone who doesn’t inspire you? You may have to look at developing a way to eventually fire that bad boss. There are many such ways out there for anyone. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. Who knows? You could turn into the leader you’ve always wanted, or wanted to be.
The best players almost never make the best coaches. The best employees don’t always make the best leaders. If you run a company, look for ways to reward your good employees without taking them away from what they do best, and most love to do. If you are a good at your job, and love what you do, don’t be afraid to say NO to a job you don’t want, even if it pays more. There are many other ways to add money to your coffers.
Leaders, often quietly, make themselves apparent. For instance, beware the person who wants to take credit for everything. Look for the person who wants to always GIVE credit to someone else.
Peter
A LEADER KNOWS WHEN TO FOLLOW
Good leaders follow.
Ask any Army general or Navy admiral. They would not have risen through the military ranks had they not been able to follow orders.
Business coach Andy Bailey, with the firm Petra, talked about leaders who follow in the Oct. 20, 2013, edition of The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville. His column says leaders are empathetic, show vulnerability and grow other leaders.
Unless you are a dictatorial leader, who tries to advance while holding others down, good leaders can’t exist without a great team, Bailey says.
Other leadership experts, like John Maxwell, also talk about vulnerable leaders. In his “5 Levels of Leadership,” Maxwell points out that vulnerability helps make leaders genuine. A good leader doesn’t have to know everything. He has to be able to find the people on his team who know more about a given subject than he does, and allow them to lead in that area.
As we grow as people, we learn that not knowing everything about everything is OK. Did you ever have a neighbor, friend or relative who could rattle off a lot of knowledge about anything and everything? Did you like being around this person? Sometime, you may have had to borrow a cup of sugar from this person, but that turned into an hour or longer conversation. He did most of the talking.
Good leaders are humble. They admit not knowing things, and they admit when they make mistakes. It’s part of the relationship the leader is building with his team.
Remember, too, that one does not necessarily have to have a high position or high authority to be a leader. He just needs to have influence. The difference between power and influence is that influence allows you to get people to do things for you willingly, instead of by force.
Good leaders, as Maxwell points out, have great relationships with each on his team. This relationship is cultivated without having to be “soft,” and unable to make hard decisions.
We’ve all worked for dictatorial leaders at some point. You don’t dare offer suggestions, or talk about any difficulties in getting a job done with that person. He doesn’t listen, and doesn’t care how difficult things are for you. He has no empathy. He’s working for his own success, and is using you to get what he wants.
Today’s leaders engage in the messy process of developing people, as Maxwell points out. Developing good relations with people is a deliberative process. First, the leader has to be likeable, though he doesn’t expect EVERYONE to like him. For some, becoming likeable is a messy process. For others, it comes naturally.
A wise person once said that people don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care (about them). Good leaders care about their people first. The other things usually fall into place once that happens.
Want to be a good, empathetic leader but don’t have a team? Visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau and learn how to find, and build, a great team. You may not know who will be on your team ultimately, but if you follow the leadership guidelines that Bailey, Maxwell and others espouse, you’ll have a great time building your team, and growing as a person yourself.
Peter
SERVANT LEADERS
It’s normal for a pope to re-enact the scene of Jesus washing the feet of those he serves.
Pope Francis took a different tack this year during Holy Week. He washed the feet of inmates.
The new pope is going out of his way to show humility.
He is shunning the trappings of Vatican life, i.e. gold crosses and riding in the “Pope mobile.”
He is showing servant leadership in a big way, just as Christ did in his time.
More of today’s leaders need to SERVE those they lead. They need to have the three main ingredients to good leadership: humility, integrity and generosity.
They don’t necessarily have to wash the feet of those who work with them. But their goals should be in line with the goals of those they lead. Anyone can give orders. Anyone can tell someone else that they don’t like something they did. But if they can’t HELP the person achieve what is necessary for THAT PERSON’S success, they just become people with power over others.
Power and leadership are not the same. Leaders may know what power they have, but rarely, if ever, exercise it. They feel their job is to help people realize their own potential. They believe their goals should not be self-centered, for they know their success will occur if they just help others succeed.
Leaders also know the difference between authority and influence. One’s authority can influence others, but others just feel compelled to follow. When one has influence, others WILLINGLY follow him and his advice. True leaders lead by example, not by order.
REAL LEADERS DON’T COMMAND RESPECT
The pope is not just a religious leader. He is the equivalent of a head of state. Pope Francis prefers to be recognized as the archbishop of Rome, not as a “head of state.” He believes his job is to serve the poorest of the poor, not have the poor serve him.
One need not be a Catholic to admire the shining example the new pope is showing not only to the public in general, but also to other leaders. Those who aspire to be leaders need to look at his example, not the example of those whose goals are self-centered.
True respect is never commanded. One should never expect respect. One must always do things that earn respect. Of course, one must carry on whether or not he gets respect from everyone. There will always be people who will never respect you. But true leaders set a path of service, without regard of self, or popular opinion. They work to help others. Then, as the world goes, good things come to them.
Leadership is attitude. True leaders may have aspired to be such, but, once in the position, never presume reward. They create self-reward by helping others. Deeds rule. Words – inspiring words – are just a tool.
If you aspire to leadership, ask yourself whether you want to be more like Pope Francis, or more like, say, a corporate titan consumed only by his own bottom line. Are you happiest when helping others, or when others are helping you, while under your duress?
If you aspire to be a servant leader, yet don’t know how best to go about it, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. That may provide the vehicle that will help you help the most people in the biggest way.
Of course, leadership is daily action. Are you doing all that you do sincerely, thinking of others first? If not, try it. You may find it refreshingly rewarding. When others around you succeed, you will succeed too. The more you help them, the more they will succeed. The more they succeed, the more rewards will come your way.
Peter
LEADERS WITH A CONSCIENCE
We think of leaders as people who like to give orders.
We think of leaders as people we need to look up to.
We also think of leaders as people who make things happen.
We don’t normally think of leaders who have a conscience. It seems we were all taught to have a conscience, but somehow when people get into leadership posts, they become more about themselves than others.
Mayor Julian Castro of San Antonio, Texas, brought this to light when he said that for good change to happen, “you need folks in the boardroom who have consciences, and people in the streets who can picket at the right time.”
Castro was quoted in a March 2013 column by Washington Post columnist E.J. Dionne.
As long as leaders won’t change, change is not likely to happen. Yet, in today’s world, change is not only the operative word, it’s the way of life. To paraphrase Darren Hardy, publisher of Success magazine, the change that took 100 years to happen up to now will happen in a much shorter time frame.
It’s happening so fast that it’s difficult to keep up with.
It will take leaders – and others – to make it happen. The old-style leader who got where he wanted, then fought to keep the status quo, no matter how anyone else was affected, will have to change. The new breed of leader will be concerned with others first. He will want to give and serve.
You see, if he gives and serves, he will get plenty. One never knows who the next innovator is. It could be someone right under a leader’s organization. To allow that person to excel to the best of his ability is a sign of true leadership. If a leader provides the right atmosphere for innovation and success for others, those innovators will likely forever be aligned to him.
LEADERS RELISH HAVING MORE SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE UNDER THEM
The new leaders will aspire to have good, innovative and successful people with him, and will want to reward them accordingly. The new breed of leader relishes having people even more successful than he in his organization.
He will want to serve and help those people to the best of his ability. He will give them all the credit for their accomplishments. He will create an atmosphere in which the best innovators can flourish and thrive.
Are you a new breed of leader? Do you want people like you in your organization? Do you want to build such an organization? You don’t have to be in a company. You don’t have to shell out big bucks for a franchise. You just have to be willing to look at one of the many opportunities that are out there for the entrepreneur.
For one of the best such opportunities, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau . The potential for any leader is huge. All you have to do is find a few people like you that want to join with you. You help them succeed. They help you in return. And those who introduced you to the idea will help you, help them.
There’s no greater win-win than people helping people be successful, and have a great time doing it. No boss-worker hierarchy. No one person giving orders to the other. No one person succeeding, off the backs of others. People helping people succeed.
Mayor Castro has it right that we need leaders with conscience. But, more than that, we need leaders who WANT others to succeed, and will help them to do it. We want leaders who don’t just graciously allow their workers to be photographed with them. We want leaders who are honored to be photographed with those they are trying to help.
Peter