It takes all kinds to make a world, and those most successful people value everyone that helps them achieve success.
“When you make every client your favorite, you are bound to have a deeper connection with your clients, as well as have greater success,” says Gregg Steinberg, professor of human performance at Austin Peay State University and author of the Washington Post best seller “Full Throttle.”
“You will always have some clients whom you perceive as friendly and kindhearted.,” Steinberg said in a May 2013 column in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
But, “”everyone’s business has a few clients that simply get on the nerves,” he added. Your dislike for that client will eventually show through, and affect your business, he said.
Let’s dig deeper into Steinberg’s idea. Everyone that we interact with has good and bad traits. We just have to focus on the good traits, and let the bad ones roll off our backs. By focusing on one’s bad traits, we waste energy. Dislike, even hate, takes energy. It doesn’t improve anything. It doesn’t move us forward.
If a person is vital to our lives, or our businesses, we have to manage our emotions about them. We have to focus our energy on appreciating the good they do, and not waste a lot of energy focusing on what they don’t do for us.
Any relationship is like that. One cannot be blind to the flaws of another, but one does not have to focus on it. Focusing on the positive not only improves chances of success in that relationship, it also creates less stress.
Sometimes we witness true evil. We can’t help but expend energy trying to combat that. Though motivational speaker Andy Andrews tells us to “sweat the small stuff,” sometimes the little things that a person does that annoy us might not be worth sweating. Andrews also advises us to “smile when we talk.” If we do that consistently, we will focus our energy on the positive traits of those we come in contact with. The nagging little annoyances won’t bother us so much.
Success is treating each (pick one: client, coworker, friend, acquaintance, neighbor) as if they are just right for you. Seeing and focusing on the positive in that person will be reciprocated. Perhaps you will make each other successful, which is ideal.
If you want to make everyone you interact with successful, but are not sure how to do that, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. This may be the vehicle you have been looking for not only for your own success, but also to help others succeed.
Helping others involves giving, but sometimes the best thing you can give a person is a way to help themselves and others.
The more you give in that regard, the more those to whom you give the opportunity will pass it on. The more everyone passes it on, ultimately, the more successful people become AND the more people become successful.
The more successful people there are, the better place the world becomes. The more successful anyone becomes, the less energy is wasted on little annoyances. But to get to that point, you first have to make the effort NOT to focus on what annoys you. Focus on what you see that is good, and continue to feed that.
In short, don’t let the little stings cripple you. That creature who stings produces the honey that you love. The more honey, the more success.
Peter
Tag Archives: Team National
FOR YOU, IS LIFE A BOWL OF CHERRIES, OR JUST THE PITS?
Cherries are sweet, but they have pits. You can just spit out the pits. or suck every last bit of flavor out of them.
Those who do the latter are looking for something that may or may not be there. The uncertainty doesn’t stop them from looking.
You see, some people presume the worst, and just spit out the pits.
Others wait to make sure they are not missing something good before they spit the pits.
You can look at your situation as a bowl of cherries, or just the pits.
Are you going to realize that there may be something good left in those pits, or just presume there is nothing there and just spit?
When you eat sweet cherries, you can’t help but encounter pits. So it’s not whether you’ll get pits, it’s how you deal with them that matters. Your circumstances are none of your business, to quote a wise philosopher. How you deal with them is completely within your control. You can enjoy good times and spit the pits, or you can see what the pits have left in them for you.
It’s been said that God doesn’t close a door without opening a window. Sometimes, that window is either hard to find, or may not be apparent to you immediately.
Sometimes, someone you least expect — or may not know yet — will show you where the window is. On the other side may be more sweet cherries, but you may have to endure a few pits to get the most out of them.
See who might be there for you. It’s OK not to know what you are looking for, but first know what you want from life. Don’t make life about money. But, rather, make it about what you could do if you didn’t have to worry about money.
Learn to be a better person by seeing what is possible, instead of dwelling on what you believe is not possible. Summon the spirit inside you to see what might be out there, even as you deal with the hand you’re dealt.
No life is without obstacles, and some obstacles are difficult to overcome. Try to overcome the difficulty by conquering despair, hopelessness and pessimism. It not easy to be successful, but it’s possible for everyone who wants it.
If you are such a person, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You may find the last bit of flavor in a pit you are about to spit.
Life is a bowl of cherries, but the hidden flavor in some pits may lead you to more, and bigger bowls.
Peter
MONEY, TIME AND VALUE
Time is money.
But have you ever tried putting a value on your time?
Better yet, are you deliberate in how you spend your time?
Rory Vaden, a self-discipline consultant and co-founder of Southwestern Consulting, says very successful people are usually very intentional about how they spend their time.
Successful people understand the “money value of time,” as Vaden put it in an April 2013 column in The Tennessean newspaper of Nashville.
Average people waste a lot of time, and may not even know it.
They look for stuff. They sit in front of the television, not even caring what’s on.
Sometimes we waste time and hate it, such as standing in line, getting stuck in traffic etc. We hate it, yet we rationalize that we “have to do it” to get to something we want. — like show tickets, or getting home from work.
Vaden talks about how people are paid for time in the workplace. One hour of work equals your hourly wage. Everyone can calculate how much he or she gets paid for each hour worked. Yes, even “salaried” folks can figure out what they make per hour.
What’s more difficult for many is figuring out how best to spend each hour of the day. What return will a person get for time spent?
For many, if they analyze time spent, the return on investment may be pretty puny.
You may think television gives you pleasure, but if you spent some of your TV time doing something more productive or worthwhile, you can increase your return on your time investment.
What if you could work full time at your job, and part-time on your fortune? Would you be willing to give up some, say, TV time for a shot at firing your boss? Would you be willing to spend your time away from work on something that will help you grow as a person? If so, check out www.bign.com/pbilodeau. This may enlighten you on a better investment of your time.
Time should not all be about work. Time with family, friends or helping others brings tremendous return on investment. But try taking a week, divide it by hours, and see how you fill those hours. Then, figure the ROI for each hour. You might be surprised at the results. They just might make you a little more deliberate about how you spend each hour.
Rethinking how you spend your time may make you the success you want to be.
Peter
SERVANT LEADERS
It’s normal for a pope to re-enact the scene of Jesus washing the feet of those he serves.
Pope Francis took a different tack this year during Holy Week. He washed the feet of inmates.
The new pope is going out of his way to show humility.
He is shunning the trappings of Vatican life, i.e. gold crosses and riding in the “Pope mobile.”
He is showing servant leadership in a big way, just as Christ did in his time.
More of today’s leaders need to SERVE those they lead. They need to have the three main ingredients to good leadership: humility, integrity and generosity.
They don’t necessarily have to wash the feet of those who work with them. But their goals should be in line with the goals of those they lead. Anyone can give orders. Anyone can tell someone else that they don’t like something they did. But if they can’t HELP the person achieve what is necessary for THAT PERSON’S success, they just become people with power over others.
Power and leadership are not the same. Leaders may know what power they have, but rarely, if ever, exercise it. They feel their job is to help people realize their own potential. They believe their goals should not be self-centered, for they know their success will occur if they just help others succeed.
Leaders also know the difference between authority and influence. One’s authority can influence others, but others just feel compelled to follow. When one has influence, others WILLINGLY follow him and his advice. True leaders lead by example, not by order.
REAL LEADERS DON’T COMMAND RESPECT
The pope is not just a religious leader. He is the equivalent of a head of state. Pope Francis prefers to be recognized as the archbishop of Rome, not as a “head of state.” He believes his job is to serve the poorest of the poor, not have the poor serve him.
One need not be a Catholic to admire the shining example the new pope is showing not only to the public in general, but also to other leaders. Those who aspire to be leaders need to look at his example, not the example of those whose goals are self-centered.
True respect is never commanded. One should never expect respect. One must always do things that earn respect. Of course, one must carry on whether or not he gets respect from everyone. There will always be people who will never respect you. But true leaders set a path of service, without regard of self, or popular opinion. They work to help others. Then, as the world goes, good things come to them.
Leadership is attitude. True leaders may have aspired to be such, but, once in the position, never presume reward. They create self-reward by helping others. Deeds rule. Words – inspiring words – are just a tool.
If you aspire to leadership, ask yourself whether you want to be more like Pope Francis, or more like, say, a corporate titan consumed only by his own bottom line. Are you happiest when helping others, or when others are helping you, while under your duress?
If you aspire to be a servant leader, yet don’t know how best to go about it, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. That may provide the vehicle that will help you help the most people in the biggest way.
Of course, leadership is daily action. Are you doing all that you do sincerely, thinking of others first? If not, try it. You may find it refreshingly rewarding. When others around you succeed, you will succeed too. The more you help them, the more they will succeed. The more they succeed, the more rewards will come your way.
Peter
LEADERS WITH A CONSCIENCE
We think of leaders as people who like to give orders.
We think of leaders as people we need to look up to.
We also think of leaders as people who make things happen.
We don’t normally think of leaders who have a conscience. It seems we were all taught to have a conscience, but somehow when people get into leadership posts, they become more about themselves than others.
Mayor Julian Castro of San Antonio, Texas, brought this to light when he said that for good change to happen, “you need folks in the boardroom who have consciences, and people in the streets who can picket at the right time.”
Castro was quoted in a March 2013 column by Washington Post columnist E.J. Dionne.
As long as leaders won’t change, change is not likely to happen. Yet, in today’s world, change is not only the operative word, it’s the way of life. To paraphrase Darren Hardy, publisher of Success magazine, the change that took 100 years to happen up to now will happen in a much shorter time frame.
It’s happening so fast that it’s difficult to keep up with.
It will take leaders – and others – to make it happen. The old-style leader who got where he wanted, then fought to keep the status quo, no matter how anyone else was affected, will have to change. The new breed of leader will be concerned with others first. He will want to give and serve.
You see, if he gives and serves, he will get plenty. One never knows who the next innovator is. It could be someone right under a leader’s organization. To allow that person to excel to the best of his ability is a sign of true leadership. If a leader provides the right atmosphere for innovation and success for others, those innovators will likely forever be aligned to him.
LEADERS RELISH HAVING MORE SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE UNDER THEM
The new leaders will aspire to have good, innovative and successful people with him, and will want to reward them accordingly. The new breed of leader relishes having people even more successful than he in his organization.
He will want to serve and help those people to the best of his ability. He will give them all the credit for their accomplishments. He will create an atmosphere in which the best innovators can flourish and thrive.
Are you a new breed of leader? Do you want people like you in your organization? Do you want to build such an organization? You don’t have to be in a company. You don’t have to shell out big bucks for a franchise. You just have to be willing to look at one of the many opportunities that are out there for the entrepreneur.
For one of the best such opportunities, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau . The potential for any leader is huge. All you have to do is find a few people like you that want to join with you. You help them succeed. They help you in return. And those who introduced you to the idea will help you, help them.
There’s no greater win-win than people helping people be successful, and have a great time doing it. No boss-worker hierarchy. No one person giving orders to the other. No one person succeeding, off the backs of others. People helping people succeed.
Mayor Castro has it right that we need leaders with conscience. But, more than that, we need leaders who WANT others to succeed, and will help them to do it. We want leaders who don’t just graciously allow their workers to be photographed with them. We want leaders who are honored to be photographed with those they are trying to help.
Peter
DREAMS MAKE SENSE OF CONTRADICTORY ADVICE
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Out of sight, out of mind.
Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. Yet, you keep hearing the phrase “Don’t Quit!”
The world is full of contradictory advice. But, in these contrarian times, we can find wisdom in all of them.
Absence from someone you love does make the heart grow fonder. Of course, you’d much rather be with that person, but when you are apart, all you can think of is how great it will be when you are reunited.
Out of sight, out of mind, applies more to things. Have you ever cleaned out a drawer and found something you either didn’t realize you had, or had forgotten that you had? There are many things in this world that you will forget if you don’t see them all the time.
That brings us to Einstein and his wisdom. He was trying to say that if you keep doing something (pick one: stupid, senseless, futile) and you don’t see things changing for the better, you might be going insane. The same goes with certain jobs. You do them over and over for a paycheck, but that is your only result – forever. Now, it may be a good paycheck, and you may see slight increases over time, but if you think you are going to change life for the better, chances are you won’t. That paycheck may make you a living, but it may not give you the life you want.
Here’s the key: doing the RIGHT things over and over again, will give you different, better results. If you are doing the RIGHT things over and over, they will change your life. Even the right LITTLE things, as Success magazine Publisher Darren Hardy preaches in his book, “The Compound Effect,” will change your life if you keep doing them.
If you are doing the RIGHT, LITTLE things, don’t quit.
DREAMS TURN COMFORT ON ITS EAR
We as people crave routine. A routine creates a comfort zone. Comfort yields contentment, until contentment digs us into a rut. We may not know we are in a rut, or we may know acutely that we are in a rut. Ruts can be comfortable.
But when you have dreams, ruts become something to do everything you can to escape. Dreams take comfort and turn it on its ear, if they are powerful enough. The difference between a wish and a dream is that a wish may be pure fantasy. You may never expect it to come true, but, still, wishing can be a nice diversion to reality if you hate your reality.
Dreams are achievable. They become more so as we watch other people who have what we dream about. We want to know what those people did to achieve their dreams, and we want to emulate them. Often, we can just DUPLICATE what someone else did, and achieve our dream. It’s not that others are better than we are, they just did things we haven’t done yet. As the saying goes, “do today what others won’t, so you can do tomorrow what others can’t.”
Do you have dreams? Do you believe deep inside that you can achieve them, if you only had the opportunity, or were given the appropriate vehicle that you could drive to your dreams? If you have a dream, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. That may be the best vehicle among many to get you to your dreams.
If you are now a long way from your dreams, make those dreams grow fonder. Always keep them in sight, therefore always in mind. Write down your dreams and put them where you can always see them.
Keep doing the little things that will get you to your dreams. Others may think you are insane, but so be it. Most of all, if you know what you have is good and your dreams are always in sight, don’t quit!
Peter
NO ONE HAS TO BE A VICTIM
Upward mobility in America is a myth.
People can’t get ahead because the “system” is keeping them down.
Thomas Sowell, a senior fellow at the Hoover Institution and a syndicated newspaper columnist, shoots holes in those “facts,” in a March 2013 column. Despite those conclusions from academic studies, Sowell says that if you look at individuals, there are clear models of upward mobility in America today.
He cites Asian immigrants, who came to the U.S. with little money, little, if any, command of English, but who have persevered and succeeded. Their children often do very well in school.
Success does not have to be for the privileged, or highly educated, few. There are many ways out there to be successful, regardless of background, birth or circumstance. To take advantage of those many opportunities, one has to, first, look for them. Once he has found one that suits him, he has to be determined to work at it. Once he’s done that, he has to help others do the same.
One of the reasons for Asian immigrants’ success is that they initially get help from those who came before them. Their grit and determination is a shining example to follow.
Admittedly, some folks who have done just about everything right can encounter curve balls that throw off their meticulous life plans. People can lose jobs. People can be shown the door by their employers, and have their careers cut short, because they reach a certain age. People can get ill, and see everything they’d worked for eaten up with medical bills, many of which could be outrageously high.
EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT
And, everyone is different. Some people willingly take charge of their lives. Some have trouble doing that. But, the ability to move up the economic ladder is still very much present. It just may not exist in certain areas anymore, because of technology and productivity increases.
Perhaps that good-paying job you had has gone away, and is not coming back. That doesn’t mean the system is keeping people down. It means that individuals have to look elsewhere for opportunity.
It is easy to get frustrated looking for opportunity, and fall into a funk. Then, you start to believe mobility is a myth and the system is against you. Those folks would be advised to know that circumstances may not be their fault, but how you react to them is clearly under their control.
Opportunities of the past may have passed. One might think of a generation or two ago, when a person got hired by an employer, with good pay and benefits, and that person could stay for life if he wanted to. There are few of those opportunities left. Today’s employment situation is very fluid, and probably will become more so with time. One has to look at a job as temporary, with limited duration, and spend some time outside of work looking for those golden opportunities.
Then, if confronted with one such opportunity, one has to have the courage to go for it, knowing that there will be people around to help them, when they are unsure of themselves.
Take care with whom you trust. There will be people who will see THEIR opportunity in YOU, and show you little or no appreciation for it. If you are in such a situation, look at it as a way to support yourself until your own plan, takes shape.
To look at one golden opportunity, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. The value will be obvious. The opportunity will be strictly up to you.
Don’t let yourself be a victim. Don’t become a statistic that will help justify the conclusion that mobility is a myth, and the system keeps people down. There is a whole contingent of people who don’t believe that for a minute. You’d be taking a step toward your own success if you hung among them.
Peter
HANGING EVERY WHICH WAY
Are you hanging on, hanging tough or hanging it up?
Or, are you just hanging?
Whatever you feel your state is, it might have something to do with whom you are hanging around.
Sure, family and old friends are great to have. They are great to have fun with. But, are these people you love keeping you from something better?
Do you feel the need to find new people, perhaps who have been very successful, to see whether you can get better?
As most leadership experts say, success starts in the mind. If the people you are closest to are telling you that you can’t do something, or that something is not for you (because it’s not for THEM), do you feel that they might be wrong?
Sometimes, it takes a new set of people to give you perspective on what you can do. Sometimes, it means reading good books, listening to good CDs and finding new people to hang around with.
You might need people who will tell you that “hanging” is not an option. You have to work on yourself. You have to take action to get out of your hanging state. You have to find the people, the organization(s), the reading material that will change the way you look at life – and yourself.
Are you working JUST to earn a living? Do you hate what you are doing, but think you can’t leave because your family and friends told you how great your security is? Working for someone else means you are building someone else’s dream. It’s certainly OK to work for someone else, if you are also building your own dream.
Take the story of the company owner who interviews a prospective employee. He shows the prospective employee pictures of a big house, with a beautiful view and lots of fancy cars in the driveway. He tells the prospect that if he is hired and does a good job, “all this will be mine!”
That’s how it feels at many jobs. Careers can be rewarding, but in today’s world, careers are cut short by machines, foreign workers and the like. What your father did for 40 years may not last you 40 years, no matter your education.
You may not be able to hang on, or hang tough, until you can retire comfortably. Some 40 years ago, change came more slowly. Today, change is constant and instant. It’s not a matter of rolling with change, but those who are most comfortable adapting to change are going to be the most desirable and have the most longevity in the work force.
It’s also important to have a Plan B, in case your best-laid career plans go awry. For a look at one of those options, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. You can work full time at your job, and part time on your fortune. Perhaps, one day, YOU can tell your boss, to quote the Johnny PayCheck song, to “Take This Job & Shove It.”
Change is the operative word in any situation today. If you hang around long enough, you won’t recognize your workplace. If you hang tough, and deal with change as it comes, you may survive longer than most. If you can hang it up on YOUR terms, you will be one of the lucky ones.
If you don’t pay attention to change, even if you don’t like it, you could be hung out to dry. Fighting to stop or resist change could leave you hanging, eventually.
So don’t just hang. Improve. Take action. Find the right people to hang around with, lest you get hanged.
Peter
SMALL TOWNS, BIG CITIES, GROWING AS PEOPLE
Many of us grow up in small towns, rural areas or neighborhoods of larger cities and grow fond of the area, the people etc.
But, when we enter adulthood, perhaps going off to college, it hits us: we may not realize our full potential if we settle down back home. Settle may be the operative word here.
New York Times columnist David Brooks discussed this phenomenon. He wondered whether, in the meritocracy vs. government race, it would be so bad if meritocracy won.
In a nutshell, a young person leaves home and goes off to college. He realizes his limited potential if he moved back home, where only a small percentage of the folks living there had college degrees. He decides to move to a place where, as Brooks quotes, up to 50% of the people have college degrees, i.e. San Francisco, San Jose, Boston, Washington or the Raleigh-Durham area of North Carolina.
The folks back home may call him snooty for not wanting to move home. But he has a degree from an elite university, i.e. Stanford or an Ivy League school. He got good enough grades back home to get into the prestigious school, did well once he got there and now HAS to reside where people are more like the new him.
WAITING TO HEAR THOSE WORDS
A friend relayed the story of his childhood. He grew up on a farm in Georgia. When he wasn’t in school, he was working on the farm. He enjoyed some aspects of farming, but it was backbreaking work.
Finally, in his teen years, he told his father that he did not want to do this the rest of his life.
His father, it turned out, had been waiting years to hear those words.
Farming taught him hard work. But it also taught him how NOT to spend his life. There was so much more out there.
He stayed in Georgia, but had a superb sales career.
So what’s wrong with growing up in a small town, or rural area, or a specific neighborhood of a city? Nothing at all. But the kids grow up in an age of equality – everyone is the same and should be treated as such. When they move on to bigger and better things, they have to learn to go for distinction. They must be more accomplished, more cutting edge, to thrive in the new world, as Brooks points out.
This distinction even occurs in higher education. Many universities look to hire professors from the elite schools. Even the graduates they produce are not good enough, Brooks says.
The world demands innovation, collaboration, global thinking. Where one has grown up often thrives on a collective sameness and routine. There is security in sameness. There is tradition in sameness. There is equality in sameness. But for those who want to thrive in the world, change must be the operative word.
There is good news for those who may live in the sameness of “home,” wherever that is. There are many ways for you to prosper without leaving home. To check out one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. Like the young college grad who needs to move out of his comfort zone into the bigger world, those left at home may have to leap outside their comfort zones. And, it can be done without leaving home.
The moral here is that sameness and equality may not improve the world as it should. Those seeking to see their great potential thrive have to depart their world of sameness and venture out into the world of competition, and, yes, discomfort.
It isn’t to say that they shouldn’t help the folks back home. But, they don’t have to settle for the sameness of their parents’ world. The more people who jump from their comfort zones to find their full potential, the better the world will be. Striving to be equal has far worse consequences than striving to be better.
Peter
TALK IS CHEAP; DIALOGUE IS VALUABLE
“Can we talk here?”
Comedienne Joan Rivers made that question famous.
The point was not for dialogue. SHE was going to do all the talking.
When parents want to “talk” to their children, presuming they are not yet adults, how interested are the parents in what a child might have to say, unless it’s an admission of wrongdoing?
The parents want to do all the talking.
That point was sung home in the Rod Stewart tune, “Young Turks.” When the boy and girl ran away from home, the boy wrote a letter to the girl’s parents to announce that they had given birth to a son. He apologized that it had to come to that, but, as the lyric goes, “There ain’t no point in talking if nobody’s listening, so we just ran away.”
Talking can be productive ONLY IF someone is listening, and is allowed to talk back. With children, talking back can be a punishable sin. With teens, allowing them to talk may give parents clues about what they are really thinking, what they may be hiding and what they may be planning. Getting a jump on that can mean the difference between keeping the kids at home, or having them run away.
Talking may be cheap. It’s dialogue, and listening, that are valuable.
When people can talk to each other, see the other’s point of view, much good can happen.
Dictators can have power, but that power is dwarfed by good dialogue.
DICTATORS VS. DIALOGUE
In a dictatorship, things can get done. When there is dialogue, things can get done more willingly, therefore better and more powerfully.
When there is dialogue, each side of the conversation may not see ALL the results they are looking for. It may be more like everyone getting SOME of the results they were looking for. That type of talk, usually followed by a handshake, a hug or a kiss, gets the kind of results EVERYONE involved can buy into.
Some people prefer to have guns, or other weapons, do their talking. The results may be desirable to the aggressor, but how much more powerful is resolving a dispute with words rather than weapons?
For that to happen, people have to be willing to accept, even embrace, scenarios they don’t entirely create. They have to listen, talk, and let others talk back.
Some things are best left unsaid. Make sure that when you are having a stressful conversation that you think before you talk. You can make clear what you are thinking without using inappropriate or insulting words. If someone utters such a thing, the listener has to realize it was said in a time of stress. The meaning may be totally different from what the listener perceives, because the listener may also be under stress.
Not all conversations are pleasant. Some don’t have to be unpleasant. Try to make your part of a conversation as informative as possible, without unnecessary emotion. Try to listen hard to the other person’s information without unnecessary emotion.
For a way to earn potentially significant income with less talk and more listening, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. Let the tools, and others, do the talking for you.
In general, however, speak softly, listen hard and let others talk back. You’ll sense real power in great dialogue.
Peter