#bullies #leaders #YoungMen #followers
We usually don’t teach boys or girls to be bullies.
Some of them turn out that way, but how they became such can be very complicated – or simple, depending on the person.
Bullies like to think they are strong. They like to pick on people they perceive as weaker than they.
Bullies are not usually as smart as the people they are bullying. Perhaps they are jealous of that.
Bullies think of themselves as leaders. But, they don’t realize that real leaders don’t bully others.
So, if we don’t teach kids to be bullies, how do they become bullies?
In some cases, there is deep-seeded psychological resentment of something or someone.
In other cases, they have been rejected by institutions or people that once meant a great deal to them.
Different folks become bullies to make them feel superior to others.
In today’s world, young men have felt rejected because they perceive they were discriminated against because they were men. Or, they have lost good jobs or opportunities and can find nothing to adequately replace what they have lost.
A bully may give these young men false promises of restoring what was good in their world.
A bully may lead these young men to think that under the right circumstances, they can take back what was rightfully theirs.
The big question becomes: what if the bully disappoints?
Will those who followed him (or her) fight back against the bully?
Will they keep the faith that the bully WILL keep his or her promises eventually?
Bullies only like to win, no matter what. Leaders like to achieve things to benefit others.
Leaders believe that the more they do for others, the more they will get back.
A bully will only use others to get what he or she wants.
It’s important, when looking for leadership, not to get co-opted by a bully.
It’s important to recognize the difference between a leader and a bully.
It’s most important to recognize the difference, lest you become the undesired alternative.
Once you learn the difference, it may be easier for you to fight back. Bullies hate people who will fight back.
Leaders admire those who fight for what they truly believe in, so they can help people get what they really want.
In short, recognize a bully, or a leader, when you encounter one. Learn to resist the former and emulate the latter.
Don’t confuse a bully perch with a bully pulpit.
Peter
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Tag Archives: fighters
FIGHTERS CAN BE GREAT, BUT …
#fighters #compromise #disagreements #DifferentViewpoints
“I will fight for YOU.”
Or, “I’m going to (pick one: Washington, D.C. or any state capital) to start a fight.”
These may be political slogans often thrown around. Of course, those who throw them around think potential voters admire fighters. And, fighters are often better in a political setting than, say, introverts.
But what they really mean is that they are going to fight for SOME of you.
Why? Some of the things they fight for are things some of their constituents don’t want.
Might a candidate be better to say they are going to work to get something done?
Of course, that doesn’t play as well as fighting words.
Government works best when those who represent us cut deals from which every side of the argument gets SOMETHING.
No one side may get everything, but every side gets something.
Such compromise has become a dirty word in many campaigns today. More candidates prefer to play to the extremes on either side, rather than the middle.
But the middle may be where the real action is. It’s certainly OK for someone to fight hard for principles. But, in the end, his or her principles may not fit all his or her constituents’ principles. Therefore, things get done when compromises are reached.
In any sort of relationship, one must understand others’ points of view. If his or her views conflict with the other person’s viewpoint, each viewpoint can be argued and debated. But, more often than not, there are some points of agreement.
Finding those points may be the secret sauce of compromise.
Compromise becomes the secret sauce of action. We expect action from those who represent us.
Think of the many friendships, or other relationships, you have. Do you ONLY relate to those with whom you agree on all things? Not likely. Most married couples don’t agree on everything. Therefore, compromise enters the relationship. You can like, or even love, someone who may not agree with you on all things.
If a person’s views don’t match yours, do you end the relationship? If you do, how does that make you feel as a person? How much respect do you have for the other person’s feelings or ideas?
In short, is the relationship more important to you than any opinions?
A great way to preserve relationships among those with differing opinions is to refrain from talking about things that will cause disagreements.
In politics, or many other relationships, that may not always be practical. Therefore, finding the things you all agree on becomes paramount.
Among friends, family etc., finding what you all enjoy discussing and sticking to those things can work wonders in preserving relationships.
In summary, compromise is not a dirty word. Diversity in thought can enhance everyone’s life. To quote an old adage, you CAN disagree without being disagreeable.
Peter