#viiolence #HittingBack #SolvingProblems #bullies #ChickenVsEgg
When we are hit, we usually want to hit back.
Sometimes, hitting back is necessary. In fact, we may have been taught as children that the best way to stop a bully is to fight back. The theory went that once the bully saw that you were gutsy enough to fight back, he or she would stop bullying.
Today, that doesn’t always work. Some bullies actually WANT you to hit back, because they believe they can show you to be the aggressor.
In some battles, the question of who started them can be illusive. The origins of a dispute can go back long before the actual violent incident.
Often, the origin of disputes becomes a chicken vs. egg question. Ironically, they can be irrelevant to the problem at hand. Or, long simmering grudges can be the crux of the problem at hand.
The point is that violence is unlikely to eliminate the dispute that caused it.
Why would someone commit violence if it doesn’t solve a problem?
Those who commit violence are often people with problems they cannot solve themselves. They feel put upon by someone, a group or something(s). They have no way out but to lash out.
Other times, those who commit violence let their emotions dictate their behavior. In human nature, that’s very easy to do. Committing violence makes the committer feel better, because his or her pent-up emotions have been released, albeit in a bad way.
Usually, they soon find out that their problems are not only unsolved, they are in even more of a pickle than they were before the violence. The good feelings of releasing pent-up emotions soon turn, well, sour.
Jealousy is another reason for violence. Someone has what you want, so you get it through violence.
That can work, at least if it is things that a person wants – until the perpetrator gets caught. Then, the problems begin anew.
If one commits violence over a person, like a jilted lover, he or she may not get that person back. In fact, it may cause the coveted person to resent the violent person even more.
This begs the age-old question. How does one solve problems without violence?
Talking certainly helps. Listening helps even more.
When there is both talking and listening, on all sides, agreements can be forged. Or, at least, decisions that violence will not solve the problem can be made.
So, the next time you feel aggrieved, by someone or something, stop. Think about how you are going to solve the problem. No matter how angry you may feel, know that expressing that anger through violence will only compound your grievance.
It’s much more easily said than done, of course. But, if one person can think first before acting on a grievance, there can be less violence in the world.
That one person could then become two etc. Better yet, those two can be on both sides of a dispute. When that occurs, resolved disputes abound.
Peter