#HolidayTravel #FamilyGatherings #traffic #AirTravel #families
This, and every holiday season, is a time for joy, celebration and reflections of faith.
It’s also a time for gifts, parties and family gatherings.
Are you looking forward to your family gathering?
Families can be wonderful, loving, inspiring and encouraging.
They can also be fraught with tension, animosity and jealousy.
If you have an extended family in which everyone not only gets along, but also is genuinely happy to be among one another, consider yourself truly blessed. Not all families are like that.
There is nothing worse this time of year than to make a big sacrifice to get somewhere for a family gathering, and either not want to be there or not have a good time.
As you ponder whether to go to a family gathering, consider what you might have to do to get there. Will you have to sit in bumper-to-bumper traffic, or drive through hazardous winter conditions, that extend a trip for hours more than it should take? Will you have to negotiate a crowded airport, complete with multiple contagions, risk flight cancellations because of weather or other reasons and wind up not getting there in time for the festivities?
And, as you consider whether to make the trek, do you hear things like: “so-and-so will be so disappointed if you don’t come.” Or, “this may be so-and-so’s last Christmas (or Hanukkah).”
Those guilt trips are merely that because, in some cases, the so-and-so who would be disappointed if you didn’t come may simply give you a hug when you arrive and when you leave, but not talk to you very much the rest of the time – unless, of course, to tell you how he or she doesn’t like, or disapproves of, something in your life.
By all means, if you have an overwhelming sense of obligation that you can’t shake, make the trip.
Holiday family gatherings became customary when everyone in the family lived near each other. As members of the family – usually the younger ones who grow up – move away, they become more complicated. With all the advances in travel over the decades, traveling today can be difficult, not to mention exhausting and frustrating. Holidays are supposed to be fun and celebratory. Often, they are stressful and lead to hurt feelings, arguments etc.
Political polarization within families can add to the tension. The TV commercial in which a holiday dinner leads to a physical fight is not necessarily overdramatic.
Yes, all of us are born into a family. We should cherish where we came from. But, we don’t necessarily have to be obligated to all members of that family.
A good rule of thumb is: if you KNOW you will enjoy yourself at a holiday family gathering, make the effort to go.
Or, if you really want to see some, if not necessarily all, members of the family, try to get there.
But if you know a trip to a family gathering will be stressful, and getting there will be a big sacrifice for you, then you may want to rethink making the trip.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go. But, if you do, go having weighed all the considerations.
Sometimes we view these occasions as automatic. They don’t have to be. You have choices, even during the holidays. Try to celebrate wherever you will be the happiest.
The best of holidays to all.
Peter
Author Archives: pbilodeau01
EMPLOYEES NEED TO EVALUATE EMPLOYERS, TOO
#JobInterviews #interviewers #applicants #skills #employers #employees
In any job interview, the applicant wants to impress.
In the past, it was thought that being conservative, looking good and answering questions politely was the way to go.
The applicant’s posture was, more or less, quiet confidence. The interviewer held most of the power.
In today’s job market, the prospective employees have more power. They should size up the employer as much as the employer evaluates them.
Experts say that employers need the employees as much as the employees need jobs – perhaps even more so.
So, when approaching a job interview, an applicant should ask as many questions as he or she answers.
The applicant may have quiet confidence, but can be more demonstrative with his or her confidence, experts say.
Employers, too, are looking for “soft” skills – friendliness, the ability to work with others etc. – as much as they are looking for job talent.
Applicants should demonstrate those soft skills as well as their talent.
Remember, the employers who just want you to be grateful they are offering you a job are probably not the ones you want to work for.
A job is not just a paycheck. It is a lifestyle. If the expected lifestyle doesn’t fit your needs, walk.
Therefore, employers have to be tuned in to the expectations of employees. If one hires someone who ultimately doesn’t want to be there, or is hampered by outside obligations, like children, they may not give the employer what he or she wants from him or her.
Given the worker shortage and people’s need to earn a living, both sides have to be flexible to match the proper job with the appropriate worker.
Most employees want to be good, productive workers in good work situations. Employers have to, perhaps, be less rigid in their requirements and compensation, and more adaptive to the needs of workers if they want to keep good people.
Certainly, not everything can be determined by resumes and interviews. A person can look great on paper, say all the “right” things in an interview, and either be a total bust or bolt after a couple of days.
Applicants should presume that, if they take a job, it will work for THEM, as well as their employers.
The lessons here are that potential employees, in today’s market, have choices. Employers need help, in most cases.
Job applicants should be themselves, to a great extent, in an interview. Interviewers should not just be box checkers when analyzing applicants.
Flexibility on both sides finds good fits.
Peter
DARING VS. STUPIDITY
#daring #stupidity #RiskTaking #innovation #phones #technology
In a restaurant ad, two guys are having lunch, when the boss for one of the guys calls him.
He dunks his phone into his drink.
“I have insurance,” he tells the other.
In a second ad, for a vacation package, three guys go on vacation. When they are all in the pool, one guy pulls out his phone to take a selfie of the three. He drops his phone into the pool.
Good thing he saved all that money on his trip, to paraphrase the narrator. (As an aside, did he put his phone in his bathing-suit pocket before jumping into the pool?)
The first ad begs the question: would your phone’s insurer cover your loss if it knew you deliberately dunked your phone? Also, what would the boss say if he knew that not only did you ignore his call, but also dunked your phone?
There are another ads that show people leaning over a cliff walk to take a selfie. Yes, the person comes close to falling, but he (or she) probably got a great picture. Then, we have the ads in which drivers playing with phones crash.
Does modern telephone technology put something in one’s brain that prompts a person to take such risks?
Certainly, the technology is great if used appropriately. If the guy in the first ad did not want to talk to his boss during lunch, he could have just sent the call to voicemail and called the boss back afterward.
The three vacationers would have been better off to take the selfie on the pool deck, with the pool in the background. If the phone got dropped, presuming it had a protective case, no damage would have been done.
One might say that these scenarios illustrate combining technology with daring.
Others might say they illustrate stupidity.
To paraphrase Albert Einstein, the difference between daring and stupidity is that daring has its limits.
We certainly don’t want to encourage people to always take the safe route. Innovation often requires daring, and over-caution can inhibit innovation.
But daring, as well as genius, should not necessarily be limited. Perhaps smart and daring people know how to limit stupidity better than others.
Most innovative people look for options that those who gravitate to safety would never consider.
Certainly, folks of a certain age remember their parents preaching safety and security above all else.
But the innovative never stop dreaming, though they initially may gravitate to the safe option. The safe option(s) can buy time for ideas to gel. Once that happens, the innovator can use his hours away from his safety and security to bring his or her idea to fruition.
In short, be daring, but be smart. Be safe, but don’t ditch your dream just to be safe.
And, when the call comes that could bring your dream to fruition, don’t dunk your phone.
Peter
HOW DO YOU MAKE DECISIONS?
#decisions #MakingDecisions #HowToMakeDecisions #deciders
Different people make decisions in different ways.
Some have to consider all the options before making a decision.
Others fear making decisions, and try to avoid them.
Still others make decisions quickly, and go with whatever they decide.
We all have to make decisions. Some are very important. Some are not. Some are whimsical. Some are very serious.
How we go about the process differs from the type of decision, and our natural tendencies as people.
Regardless of the type you are, some decisions won’t go away because you don’t want to make them. Others can actually be postponed, and could become moot as time passes.
There are no rules for decision-making, but there can be perils. Some decisions will result in something bad no matter what one decides. Others have a clear good option, vs. bad. Some may not see, or want to see, the clearly good option and still opt for the bad one.
Among the serious decisions: Where do you want to live? Whom do you want to marry, if anyone? How big a family do you want to have, if any? What do you want to do for work?
Among whimsical decisions: will you buy that ice cream cone as you walk by it? What will you do for fun today? What would you like to have for dinner? (Note: Decisions such as the ice cream cone may be just fine once in a while, but too many spontaneous ice cream cones can have unintended consequences).
A decision-making disease called analysis paralysis is common among people who don’t like, or have trouble, making decisions. It’s always good to think before one does, but over-thinking can deprive one of good things over time. It’s important for a decision to FEEL right, as well as BE right.
A decision can feel right, but the alternative can be right. It may take a few bad decisions to learn that, but most wise people do.
Getting advice on decisions is advisable for many things. Advisers don’t always know what you think is best for you, but information and voices of experience never hurt. It’s always best to rely on professional opinions when a decision is beyond your level of expertise.
Usually, there are people in your life who love making decisions for you. Parents, teachers, even friends fit that bill. Certainly listen to people you care about, but always know in your own mind what is best for you.
There are no rules for making decisions, but there are guideposts. First, if you have a decision deadline, think, but don’t over-think. If you make a decision that will be long-lasting, try to make it work, even if you have days in which you think it is not going to work. A phenomenon called fear of loss, or fear of missing out, often creeps into the process. Consider this intently. If I don’t do/go, what will happen? If I do/go, what will be lost?
Previously, we talked about ice cream (plug in your own treat here). Some things are harmless done occasionally, or in moderation, but done too often, or at too high a quantity, can be harmful.
In summary, find your sweet spot – that point in the decision process at which you’ve thought enough and can go for it, or not. Like the occasional ice cream cone, finding your sweet spot can be your greatest reward.
Peter
CRAFT A RESUME THAT TELLS WHAT YOU DID
#resumes #JobInterviews #managers #prospects #jobs #workers
In separate ads for Wavely, the job-searching platform, a hiring manager is looking for that special something in a prospect that his or her resume does not reveal.
The second ad shows the prospect hoping the hiring manager will find her to be the perfect candidate.
Thus, we have the competitive world of hiring.
In the past, resumes were seen as a tool to hire or get hired. Prospects tried to craft a resume that would make him or her stand out in a pile.
The resume evolved from simply listing job titles, duties and years of experience to trying to convey how the prospect brought value to the company he or she worked for. In other words, the resume turned from a roster of experience to a story of experiences.
In today’s hiring world, in many cases, there are fewer prospects for every job.
So, how does one stand out? One has to tell his or her story, as briefly as possible.
Hiring managers, in most cases, do not want to read long narratives. But they want to know not only what the prospect did – job titles seldom reveal that – but how effective the prospect was. That involves telling the hiring manager how the prospect’s effort(s) either made money for the company, saved the company money or added some other value to the company.
That’s a tall order for many applicants. Many see themselves as a performer of routine tasks – tasks the employer finds vital, but not necessarily game-changing.
How does a prospect who has experience as a clerk, for example, convey his or her value?
Perhaps the prospect can tell, briefly, how he or she helped his or her boss succeed.
Or, he or she could spell out how much time he or she saves his or her boss.
In short, stories sell, and everyone has stories.
In the past, many hiring managers didn’t always know what they wanted in an ideal candidate. They had to know it when they saw it (in a resume).
Today, hiring managers largely know what they want, and it’s up to the prospect to display that. Certainly, a hiring manager can still stumble upon an unusual candidate. But, generally, the managers have pictures in their mind of what the ideal candidate is.
For the candidates, overselling oneself can be fraught with peril. Truthfully telling your value is usually the best avenue.
Confidence is also a good trait for candidates. It’s not easy to display confidence in a resume, but, if a prospect gets as far as the interview, that’s when he or she can display confidence.
Hiring is not always easy. Getting the right job is not always easy.
For the prospect, the job description does not tell you everything. For the manager, the resume does not always tell you everything.
But both can give some clues about the job, or the candidate. One may have to get further into the process to know whether a job and a candidate are a match.
In summary, if you are looking for a job, have your resume tell the employer what you did, rather than what job you had. For the employer, look to find out what the prospect did, rather than the job he or she held.
May all managers and job seekers find the perfect matches.
Peter
5 P.M.: IS THAT QUITTING TIME FOR YOU?
#9to5 #WorkSchedules #JobDescriptions #CompanyManuals #5PM
Time has been memorialized in song:
“It’s 5 O’Clock Somewhere,” by Alan Jackson, with Jimmy Buffett; “5 O’Clock World,” by the Vogues; “9 to 5,” by Dolly Parton, to name a few.
These songs presume, among other things, that most people work a regular schedule. And, when the clock strikes 5 p.m., people go home to do whatever they want.
It begs today’s question: Are most people on such a regular schedule?
Chances are, most people are not. Some are on a regular schedule to start the day, but their day doesn’t necessarily end at 5.
Others work complicated shifts – nights, weekends, holidays etc.
For others, the job never ends. They may go home, but work comes with them. The phone always rings. Urgent e-mails pop in. Such a situation has been dubbed “the electronic leash.”
So, if you are actually on a routine schedule, be thankful. But, know that that could change at any moment.
Part of the reason some folks, particularly women, are staying out of the work force since the COVID-19 pandemic, are not only complicated schedules, but also not knowing how they can work and care for children, whose schedules can flex depending on sickness, weather and other circumstances beyond their control.
In short, working is not what it once was for many people.
Certainly, some workers want flexibility. They want to be able to work when they can, and from where they can.
To attract the best people, companies may have to look at some flexibility to make it worth the employees’ whiles to work there.
As a prospective employee during a job interview, are your first questions something like: what time do I start, and what time do I go home?
For a few jobs, those questions may be appropriate. For most jobs in today’s world, at least in the employers’ minds, those questions are irrelevant.
The same goes for written job descriptions and company policy manuals. If companies still use them – some may have to for legal reasons – you, as an employee, must know that these documents are fluid. Job descriptions and policy manuals, if not on paper, in fact will change over time.
It makes one long for the days of set hours, set duties, set expectations etc. Of course, no one wants set pay. Everyone wants to get raises. But, in some jobs, pay is set. Period. Take it or leave it.
A big part of the reason we can create many jobs, yet still have people out of work is NOT because people are lazy and government benefits are paying them to stay home. (Some of those cases may exist, but not many).
The crux of the problem is that work and life have become more complicated. Companies reorganize often. Job descriptions change multiple times. A person may be hired to do Job X, but ends up doing Job Y – a situation that may have been a deal breaker for the employee, had he or she known it was coming.
In summary, don’t presume a job is what it seems. Don’t presume, as employees, that more will not be expected of you than you think, often without more pay.
It’s not a 9 to 5 world for most. You have to have your eyes open to that.
Peter
VIRTUE OF BEING NICE
#BeNice #kindness #performance #credit #action
Perhaps your mother told you as a child, when you did something she didn’t like, “that’s not nice.”
In the current movie “Banshees of Inisherin,” we learn that ending a long friendship is “not nice.”
As you grew older, you may have learned that “nice guys finish last.” Some confusion may have set in, because mom taught you to “be nice,” but, by being nice, you won’t win.
As years went on, you may have learned that kindness is a virtue, to the point that you were inclined to perform random acts of kindness. Perhaps, these random acts were not witnessed by anyone, except you, and the person to whom you were kind. That recipient was the only one that mattered in that instance.
Later, you learned that character was built by doing good things, even when no one is watching. In other words, you were DOING rather than performing. It may have made you feel good, but you got no “credit” for it.
In today’s world, for many, it’s ALL about performance and credit. They even try to make bad actions look good to an audience, thereby getting “credit” for it.
This milieu might make it a good time to relearn, perhaps through “Banshees,” the virtue of being nice.
It is indeed possible to create a persona in yourself that is both nice and winning. In fact, such a persona is a foundation for success in whatever endeavor one chooses.
If you own a business and people work for you, those who are “nice” to their employees tend to get more out of them.
Unfortunately, some who own or manage businesses are nice to customers, because they have to be, but are not so nice to their workers. In this labor market, such people may be chronically short-staffed.
Also, today, many long friendships and relationships have become strained for various reasons, including the hardness of opinions and the growing willingness to avoid those who have certain views.
Such willingness can manifest itself in many toxic, even violent, ways. Not nice at all.
When one gets to that point, he or she may need to not necessarily change his or her opinions, but craft a persona that allows him or her to be “nice,” even to those with whom he or she disagrees.
One way to do that is to avoid inflammatory conversation topics. Another way is to enjoy what you both enjoy.
So, in a complex world, a combination of niceness, enthusiasm and drive can help lead one toward success.
In the past, it’s has been said that one does not have to like you, he or she just has to respect you. One who realizes that respect is earned, not demanded, will be the more successful. One may earn such respect by simply being nice.
One has to wonder when niceness became so unnecessary. For many, niceness comes naturally, no matter what happens to them. Others, who may have been jaded by some event or circumstance, may have lost their niceness.
Be nice. Work hard. Don’t step over others, as that may taint your success. Real success is achieved not at the expense of others, but with the help of many others.
Peter
SEE IT! THAT’S THE POINT!
#truth #falsehoods #DisturbingImages #opinions #facts
Sometimes, one has to see or hear the worst to learn how bad things happen.
An ad for diabetes awareness shows three stages: illness, disability and death. The narrator says, when death is shown, “Too much? That’s the point.”
In the true-story movie “Till,” currently showing in theaters, Emmett Till’s mother insists that her son’s dead body be shown in its entirety after his lynching, to illustrate what those who lynched him in Mississippi did to him before they killed him.
Some TV news clips may be preceded by the broadcaster telling the audience something like: the images you are about to see may be disturbing. Some even advise you to take young children out of the room before viewing. Some even spell out what you are about to see, to allow the viewers to decide whether to watch.
The main point is that sometimes, seeing things we’d rather not look at is necessary to know the true story, instead of some sanitized or varnished view of a story.
So, why is that? Can’t one just let his or her imagination determine how bad something looks? Often, leaving things to one’s imagination creates a vacuum, a place in which falsehoods can reside masquerading as truths.
Not showing EVERYTHING, no matter how bad or disgusting, can be a form of cover-up.
The images may be disturbing, but often, we need to be disturbed. Certainly, there are things that are not suitable for young children to see. They need to mature before being acquainted with some of the nastiness of life.
A good rule of thumb might be: if the activities of humans create the disturbing images, and the images are not altered for extra drama, they probably should be shown.
If people are doing bad things to other people, they need to be shown.
In the hardened modern world, disturbing images don’t always alter opinions. Even the most verified information can be called false, even if it’s true, because certain people want others to think it is false.
The same actually goes for falsehoods. If someone wants people to think something that is false is true, he or she can keep showing or saying it, and, eventually, some will indeed think it is true. But, repeating something false never makes it true.
We can’t always persuade, but if truth is on one’s side, keep showing or saying it.
Truth can not only be disturbing, it can be inconvenient, to borrow from former U.S. Vice President Al Gore.
But, if truth is on one’s side, timing should be irrelevant. Ramifications should not be the primary consideration, even though, in some cases, thought should be given to those ramifications.
Of course, in political campaigns, timing is everything. But, again, in our hardened, opinionated world, timing matters less and less.
When in doubt, if one possesses the truth, it’s better to say it or show it when one knows it – at least in important matters. Perhaps, in trivial matters, things might be better left unsaid, or not shown.
The truth may not always set one free. But, more often than not, truth is always better said or shown, rather than concealed.
Peter
TEACHERS BAILING OUT OF PROFESSION
#teachers #education #parents #SchoolAuthorities #TeachersQuitting
First, the pandemic imposed extra stress on teachers.
Then, politicians started telling teachers what they could teach, how they could teach it and what books or other tools they could use.
It’s hardly a wonder why teachers are asking why anyone would do this job.
Maureen Downey, education columnist for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, tackled the rapid departure of teachers in a recent column.
She quotes a Rand report on the pandemic’s role in teacher resignations. Researchers found that half the teachers who resigned did so because of the pandemic, she writes.
She also writes that stress, more than low pay, was almost twice as common a reason for resigning.
“At least for some teachers, the COVID-19 pandemic seems to have exacerbated what were high stress levels pre-pandemic by forcing teachers to, among other things, work more hours and navigate an unfamiliar remote environment, often with frequent technical problems,” Downey quotes the Rand report.
Teachers didn’t leave the profession necessarily for higher-paying jobs. The Rand researchers said most teachers who left took jobs with either less or about equal pay, Downey writes.
The Merrimack College Teacher Survey, a poll of more than 1,300 teachers conducted by EdWeek Research Center in January and February 2022, says the profession is in free-fall, Downey writes. Only 12 percent of K-12 teachers are very satisfied with their jobs, down from 39 percent a decade ago,’ Downey quotes the survey. It also says the salary satisfaction rates are lowest in the South and Midwest. Only 21 percent of teachers in those areas believe their pay is fair for the job they do, Downey quotes the survey.
In 2011, 77 percent of teachers believe their profession is respected. Now, only 46 percent of teachers believe that, Downey writes.
In short, teaching is a relatively low-paying profession that politicians love to pick on. There is already a teacher shortage, which could become acute if the pressure and restrictions on teachers continue.
Certainly, everyone wants parents actively involved in the school(s) their children attend. Some mostly inner-city teachers have seen a lack of parental involvement as a serious problem.
But, there is a difference between involvement and interference. Involvement means parents are supporting what teachers are doing, and encourage their children to vigorously participate in their education.
Interference means parents are standing in the way of teachers teaching truth to children. Few teachers will put up with that for a long time.
People go into teaching, and education in general, for the love of the job. They certainly don’t do it to enrich themselves. Yet, good teachers can play a significant role in making the world a better place by encouraging students to learn.
If the current milieu continues to chase away teachers from the profession, we may soon have schools that can’t educate students.
Those in authority over schools should not only know the difference between parental involvement and interference, but also the difference between educational improvement and educational destruction.
Teachers acutely know the difference and are voting with their feet.
Peter
UNCERTAINTY AND ANSWERS
#uncertainty #answers #life #changes #preparation
To paraphrase a Mayo Clinic TV ad, the best way to deal with uncertainty is to have answers.
On its face, this implies a black-and-white type of world.
Or, it implies there is an answer for everything.
But most of us are aware that there are many shades of gray. Not everything is what it seems. And, for some things, there are no answers – at least definitively right ones.
The world is filled with uncertainty. One might even say that things we thought were “certain” may not be.
Opportunity can be disguised as uncertainty. Alas, so can peril.
The Mayo Clinic may work diligently for answers to some uncertainties. It has a pretty good track record for doing that.
But other uncertainties persist, not just in science and medicine. They persist in the everyday world, and our everyday lives.
For example, one may think his or her job is a certainty. But, companies reorganize. Managers change. Something that for many years was a certainty suddenly, without warning, is not.
What do we do about uncertainty?
First, we have to presume it is always there. Always presume that someday, sometime, something you thought was certain will suddenly become less so.
That may be difficult to do, especially in times when things in your life are going well.
On the other hand, it can be easy to do when things in your life are not going as well.
An old adage goes: “Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.”
The key word here is PREPARE. Try to have a Plan B, just in case what you thought was certain suddenly is not.
Most importantly, try to deal with sudden uncertainly with rational thought, instead of emotion.
We are all emotional about some things, but, when uncertainty hits, we should take a breath before deciding what to do next.
That breath – that time for thought – could make the difference between doing the right thing for you, and not doing the right thing.
It may be easy to react emotionally. It may not be as easy to react rationally.
Secondly, look for something good amid sudden uncertainty. Most likely, the thing that’s uncertain may only be a part of your life. There may be other parts of your life that give you pleasure, and may be more certain at the moment.
Sometimes, there may not be immediate answers to your new uncertainty. Therefore, you may have to look harder to find more certainty.
Death and taxes may be certain. The rest of life is very likely less certain. If something in your life suddenly becomes uncertain, you may not have an immediate answer. Searches for answers can be a lifelong pursuit, not just for the Mayo Clinic, but for all of us.
Presume there is more uncertainty in your life than you realize. That way, when the uncertainty is revealed, you may have a wider variety of potential answers.
Peter