You’ve heard the stories. A kid grows up in a great family with wonderful parents, then, for some unexplainable reason, gets into trouble.
Perhaps it happened because his parents had a somewhat misguided goal: to raise a good kid.
Andy Andrews, author and storyteller, talked about this when he spoke to the Team National convention in Orlando in July 2013.
He says that parents should not have the goal to raise good kids. Instead, their goal should be to raise kids that will become great adults.
What’s the difference? Look at it this way: a parent tells the story of how their child went wrong when he grew up, and they say they did everything right. But did they?
Some parents believe that if they can keep their kids isolated into their own world for as long as possible, they will have values so embossed into their being that they will never want to stray into the world of drugs, alcohol, crime etc.
Some parents want to influence kids to the point of having a say in whom they marry.
But sometimes, restricting kids can create pent-up demand to explore the outside world. They may want to meet people who are not like them. They will want to see places they were never allowed to see, or do things they were never allowed to do.
Some parents don’t want their children asking questions. They’d prefer to give them only information they “need to know,” and on their terms.
No parent can stop curiosity. No parent can stop the natural feelings children may have for others as they grow older. No parent can keep a child in a bubble for life.
What one hopes for as a parent is that the child grows to make good choices. Sometimes, that might mean exposing them to people who’ve made bad choices while they are young.
In the movie “The Jazz Singer,” Neil Diamond’s character grows up in a very conservative Jewish household. His father tells him that he has to know where he came from to know where he is going.
Instead of being a cantor in a synagogue, Diamond’s character grows up to be a singer who performs pop music in front of huge audiences – like Diamond in real life.
Being a successful performer is not what his father wanted for Diamond’s character. He wanted him to use his talents as a servant to the synagogue. Eventually, the father came to embrace the son for who he is.
Children will become who they are, no matter the circumstances in which they grow up. A parent’s goal is to see their child become a great adult – one who helps others, who has humility, integrity and generosity.
If you raise a child like that, you are a successful parent. The child may get there via a path you did not design for them, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is the result on the other end.
Raising good children is fine, but it doesn’t stop there. Watching them make life choices can be painful to you, but you have to love them for who they are. If they get in trouble, help them. If they pursue a life path of which you don’t approve, just look at the result. If they have excellent personal qualities as adults, you did a great job as a parent.
If you have grown to adulthood and are looking to make good choices, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. It could be the biggest life-changing choice you could ever make. No matter what you do in life, choose wisely and make your parents – eventually – proud.
Peter
Tag Archives: Andy Andrews
FINDING GOOD IN EVERYONE
It takes all kinds to make a world, and those most successful people value everyone that helps them achieve success.
“When you make every client your favorite, you are bound to have a deeper connection with your clients, as well as have greater success,” says Gregg Steinberg, professor of human performance at Austin Peay State University and author of the Washington Post best seller “Full Throttle.”
“You will always have some clients whom you perceive as friendly and kindhearted.,” Steinberg said in a May 2013 column in The Tennessean newspaper in Nashville.
But, “”everyone’s business has a few clients that simply get on the nerves,” he added. Your dislike for that client will eventually show through, and affect your business, he said.
Let’s dig deeper into Steinberg’s idea. Everyone that we interact with has good and bad traits. We just have to focus on the good traits, and let the bad ones roll off our backs. By focusing on one’s bad traits, we waste energy. Dislike, even hate, takes energy. It doesn’t improve anything. It doesn’t move us forward.
If a person is vital to our lives, or our businesses, we have to manage our emotions about them. We have to focus our energy on appreciating the good they do, and not waste a lot of energy focusing on what they don’t do for us.
Any relationship is like that. One cannot be blind to the flaws of another, but one does not have to focus on it. Focusing on the positive not only improves chances of success in that relationship, it also creates less stress.
Sometimes we witness true evil. We can’t help but expend energy trying to combat that. Though motivational speaker Andy Andrews tells us to “sweat the small stuff,” sometimes the little things that a person does that annoy us might not be worth sweating. Andrews also advises us to “smile when we talk.” If we do that consistently, we will focus our energy on the positive traits of those we come in contact with. The nagging little annoyances won’t bother us so much.
Success is treating each (pick one: client, coworker, friend, acquaintance, neighbor) as if they are just right for you. Seeing and focusing on the positive in that person will be reciprocated. Perhaps you will make each other successful, which is ideal.
If you want to make everyone you interact with successful, but are not sure how to do that, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. This may be the vehicle you have been looking for not only for your own success, but also to help others succeed.
Helping others involves giving, but sometimes the best thing you can give a person is a way to help themselves and others.
The more you give in that regard, the more those to whom you give the opportunity will pass it on. The more everyone passes it on, ultimately, the more successful people become AND the more people become successful.
The more successful people there are, the better place the world becomes. The more successful anyone becomes, the less energy is wasted on little annoyances. But to get to that point, you first have to make the effort NOT to focus on what annoys you. Focus on what you see that is good, and continue to feed that.
In short, don’t let the little stings cripple you. That creature who stings produces the honey that you love. The more honey, the more success.
Peter
SMILE, SWEAT AND GET
Smile when you talk.
Sweat the small stuff.
Get your hopes up.
Andy Andrews, a New York Times best-selling author, discussed these simple ideas at a presentation Aug. 3, 2012, at the Team National convention in Orlando, Fla.
Let’s take them one at a time. Have you ever talked to people who always seem to have a scowl when they speak? Life has gotten them so down, and they are so miserable, that they – at least subconsciously – want to drag you down with them.
There are others who are so angry much of the time that you can hear their anger, even if they are not angry at you. They have that look about them. You could be talking about something funny, and they would still have that anger about them.
Then, there are those who smile when they talk. They just seem to exude a persona that you would gravitate to. To a few folks, smiling while talking comes naturally. Most, however, have to work at it. Andrews, who wrote “The Butterfly Effect,” among other books, believes smiling while talking is the key to health and wealth. If people want to be around you, they are more than likely to do business with you, or otherwise want to work with you.
Smiling does not mean a big, toothy grin. It means always having a happy look as your mouth moves. It’s OK that it may not come naturally. But if you work at it, it may become more natural with time. Of course, the key is to always be happy, even when things are not going as you would like them. People want to be around happy people. Good things will come to those who smile while talking.
Smiling while talking may seem like a little thing, but Andrews, and others, have said that we need to be concerned about little things. When someone says to you, “don’t sweat the small stuff,” think about how successful they are at whatever they are doing. Successful people sweat the small stuff. They watch what they eat. They watch what they do. They watch what they say. It’s the small stuff that people see. If they see attention to the small stuff, like always showing up for appointments on time, they will believe you’ll be a great performer on the bigger things.
Even things like buying – or not buying – that candy bar can make a difference. The extra calories will require some effort to work off. It’s likely overpriced — $1 or more. So the buck you spend is a buck that you don’t have any more to use again. Multiply those bucks over weeks, months and years, and you see why Andrews says to sweat the small stuff.
When you start a job, project or something for which there is a long-term commitment, has someone ever told you not to get your hopes up? When you apply for a job, has someone ever told you not to get your hopes up, because if you don’t get it, you’ll take the rejection better?
Most successful people are optimists. They ALWAYS have hope. They approach everything they do anticipating, even expecting, good outcomes. They know not every outcome is going to work out, but they also know that expecting failure begets failure. If you expect success, you’ll see success. If you expect good things in the future, they will come. So, go ahead. Get your hopes up!
Incidently, if you are the optimist who watches the little things and smiles when he talks, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. It will enhance your hope, make you sweat less and encourage you to smile!
Peter