Tag Archives: parents

WHAT ‘;SHOULD BE’ AND WHAT ‘IS’ IN LIFE

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#marriage #divorce #children #HowLifeShouldBe #dreams #goals
The song came out in 1971.
The lyrics talked of marriage, divorce and how we were all taught about what life “should be.”
Carly Simon’s “That’s the Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be” had an eerie melody and profound lyrics.
During that decade, most people were told to go to college, get a career, settle down, get married and have children.
The lessons date to when parents of those young people were young themselves. Though they may not have gone to college, their parents taught them to get a good job, settle down, get married and have kids.
Some in the 1970s rebelled at such a life. They went off to “find themselves.” They actually fought, so as not to become like their parents.
Even though their parents likely gave them a good upbringing and a memorable childhood, they did not want to become like them.
They felt such a life was confining, too routine and even prisonlike.
They wanted to be “free.” They wanted to see the world. They wanted to explore new things.
Certainly, some, as Simon’s song points out, did what they were taught. But, the result was lots of fighting, even divorce.
It’s often difficult for some people, young or older, to figure out who they are and what they want.
For others, there was no question.
For some of those indecisive folks, they’ll know who they are and what they want when it comes to them. It’s as if they are waiting for a message from above to guide them.
For the more decisive, it’s a matter of doing what one needs to do to get what one wants. Often, that can take time and lots of effort. Plus, much like for the indecisive, things have to go right along the way. Good fortune comes to those who prepare to receive it.
The lesson here is not to necessarily dismiss what your parents taught you, but to compile those teachings with a body of your own thoughts.
Sometimes, some things will just feel right. Other times, that right feeling has to be created.
Another important lesson is to enjoy the journey of life. You probably won’t remember how you were at the end of the journey, but you will certainly remember the milestones along the way.
A third lesson is to prepare for your entire life. Decisions one makes when he or she is young will benefit – or not – what happens to him or her in later years. Every thought or action should involve thoughts of how that thought or action will impact one’s future.
So, as the Simon song laments, don’t necessarily be what you always heard you should be. Find what pleases you. Create goals and a path to get to them. Things may happen for a reason you don’t know at the time, so react properly to them to stay on, or get back to, your path to success.
Your path always may not be in a straight line. Some of those twists and turns can be beneficial. Regardless, they should always be memorable.
Peter

CAN (DO) STUDENTS FEEL SAFE IN SCHOOLS

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#SchooolSafety #teachers #students #parents #FeelingSafe #SchoolShootings
Safety in schools is more than just being able to avoid being shot.
Of course, any moment now, someone could walk into a school with a gun and shoot a bunch of students, teachers and staff.
What can we do about it? Not much, short of limiting the supply of firearms – particularly the most lethal and purely offensive weapons — for people who shouldn’t have them.
More security officers in schools will help, as long as they are willing to come face to face with the assaulter(s).
But now, it’s not just the threat of violence in the schools that can concern children. Children used to be able to confide in teachers, or other staff, about things they may have been afraid to tell parents.
Now, in many places, teachers and staff MUST tell parents if children talk to them about, say, their sexuality.
Maureen Downey, education columnist for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, took on this topic in her March 14, 2023, column.
There was a time when school was a totally safe space for kids. Yes, they were supervised. Yes, they had many requirements they had to fulfill. Sometimes, discipline was necessary.
If Child X was bothering Child Y, Child Y could go to someone and report it confidentially – at least in theory. (There may have been some fear that Child X would retaliate if he or she were disciplined).
Of course, there should be cooperation between teachers, staff and parents when necessary. But there are some things kids don’t want to discuss with parents, particularly if they live in restrictive households.
Discussing such things with other students has its own peril. Besides, students usually do not have the adult wisdom to counsel properly.
We want students not only to be safe in school, but also to FEEL safe in school. If they do not feel safe, they won’t learn properly. Despite some schools that strictly use rigor and discipline as an education method, most students are not motivated to learn strictly out of fear. Certainly, fear can get kids to accomplish tasks. But, they are unlikely to truly learn what they need to know that way.
Feeling unsafe in school puts fear at top of mind for students.
So, what is an educator to do under these conditions?
If students are not allowed to be honest with educators about what they are feeling, how is an educator supposed to reach them?
As governments begin to impose unreasonable restrictions on how teachers teach, what they teach, what they can and cannot say to students etc., how and what do these entities expect students to learn in school?
It’s a question that will not be answered immediately. It’s difficult to measure what a deprived learning environment will do to any child.
The good news in all this – or the bad news, depending on one’s perspective – is that if a student doesn’t learn what he or she wants in school, there are other readily available outlets for them to get that information. Students often will fill that learning vacuum via other means.
We can only hope that depriving students of safety, and some education, in schools doesn’t lead to one or more of them, out of frustration, turning to weapons against that same school.
Peter


NO ONE ASKS STUDENTS WHAT THEY THINK OF BOOK BANS

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#BookBans #education #students #teachers #parents
Parents are clamoring for certain books to be banned in schools.
Do students want the same thing?
It appears no one cares what the kids think.
Maureen Downey, education columnist for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, tackled this subject in her October 11, 2022, column.
“(Parents) often roll their eyes or guffaw when students themselves defend the books, suggesting that while they want to protect kids, they don’t want to hear their views,” Downey writes.
Downey asked students who have attended school board meetings and hearings what they would like to tell adults advocating book bans.
“I would ask them not even to change their viewpoint, but to keep and open mind. Even though I didn’t agree with what the parents were saying, I still listened. They refused to listen. Whenever someone would speak against book bans, they would start yelling. I also wish they were more informed. They were taking so many things out of context.”
That quote comes from Anvita Sachdeva, a senior at Forsyth County High School, outside Atlanta.
The whole debate about banning books and “protecting” kids centers on open minds vs. closed minds.
So many fear that schools will indoctrinate children into believing things that oppose what they are taught at home by parents, at church or in other non-school locales.
Past generations were easily able to reconcile what they were taught in church, at home and in school, even if there were seemingly contradictory narratives.
Why do some parents fear that no longer is the case?
Perhaps these parents so desperately want their children to think exactly as they do. They don’t want them exposed to ideas, religions etc., that differ from theirs.
Parental restrictions may be the purest form of indoctrination.
The other problem is that parents objecting to certain texts take certain passages out of context, thereby condemning the entire work without reading it in its entirety.
Something that may have a good, even wholesome, overall message may have passages that are less so.
That seems like the old forest vs. trees syndrome.
In short, children should be taught to have open minds, for it is a closed mind that prevents innovation. In that quest, they may come across words, attitudes and behaviors they find objectionable. But that’s not nearly as important as raising a child to think for himself or herself.
Parents certainly want to teach children right from wrong. There are certainly words, attitudes and behaviors that are universally right or wrong. But, children are unlikely to become gay, or trans, based on what they are taught in school. Those are not learned behaviors, but are natural feelings.
Exposing children to people, cultures and beliefs that may not sync up with what their parents believe can not only open their minds, but teach them to accept others for who they are.
By doing that, the world will be better. The children themselves will be better people. And, unexpected friendships could result.
That should be the goal of every parent.
Peter

MANY COUPLES DON’T WANT CHILDREN

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#childfree #parents #children #ChildbirthDecisions #MarriedCouples
Traditionally, a person grows up, gets married and has children.
That person becomes a part of the typical American family.
But a Michigan study has discovered that many adults don’t want to be parents.
An article on the study, written by Zachary P. Neal, associate professor of psychology at Michigan State University, and Jennifer Watling Neal, psychology professor at Michigan State, was published Aug. 17, 2022, in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
The article says many people decide relatively early in life whether they want to be parents.
In fact, the article quotes the study, 21.64 of adults studied say they do not want children.
The study determined that a person was “childfree” if they answered “no” to whether they have ever had children (biological, adopted or step-children), whether they plan to have children in any of the three categories and whether they wished they had, or could have, children.
The study also breaks down the types of people in the category: “Childfree” people don’t want children; “childless” people want children, but can’t have them; “not-yet-parents” want children in the future; “undecided” people aren’t sure whether they want children; and “ambivalent” people aren’t sure they would have wanted children.
The study also says that under-population is not a problem. Despite the relatively high percentage of people in the Michigan study who don’t want children, the global population will continue to grow, the article says.
Having children is, and should be, an option for everyone. Parents of previous generations urged their children to at least “replace themselves” with children of their own.
For certain people, that may not be an option, physically. For others, it may be a decision based on other burdens in life. Still, for others, it may just be a matter of personal choice.
These people should not be criticized for their decisions. Very often, critics of such people have no idea what that person, or that couple, may be dealing with.
The article points out that workplace policies on work-life balance also favor parents. “We believe the needs of (the childfree group) warrant more attention from policymakers,” the authors write.
Having children should not be considered an obligation. Many parents of past decades lay guilt trips on their children for not producing grandchildren for THEM.
Of course, grandparents may love grandchildren, but they get to send them home, in most cases.
In short, children should be sent home with parents who WANT them, and are willing to put in the necessary work to raise them.
The article also points out that people who don’t want children are told they may change their minds down the road. That appears unlikely, the article says.
So, have children only if you want. If you do, have only as many as you want. But, if you don’t want to, that’s OK, too.
Peter

TEACHERS BAILING OUT OF PROFESSION

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#teachers #education #parents #SchoolAuthorities #TeachersQuitting
First, the pandemic imposed extra stress on teachers.
Then, politicians started telling teachers what they could teach, how they could teach it and what books or other tools they could use.
It’s hardly a wonder why teachers are asking why anyone would do this job.
Maureen Downey, education columnist for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, tackled the rapid departure of teachers in a recent column.
She quotes a Rand report on the pandemic’s role in teacher resignations. Researchers found that half the teachers who resigned did so because of the pandemic, she writes.
She also writes that stress, more than low pay, was almost twice as common a reason for resigning.
“At least for some teachers, the COVID-19 pandemic seems to have exacerbated what were high stress levels pre-pandemic by forcing teachers to, among other things, work more hours and navigate an unfamiliar remote environment, often with frequent technical problems,” Downey quotes the Rand report.
Teachers didn’t leave the profession necessarily for higher-paying jobs. The Rand researchers said most teachers who left took jobs with either less or about equal pay, Downey writes.
The Merrimack College Teacher Survey, a poll of more than 1,300 teachers conducted by EdWeek Research Center in January and February 2022, says the profession is in free-fall, Downey writes. Only 12 percent of K-12 teachers are very satisfied with their jobs, down from 39 percent a decade ago,’ Downey quotes the survey. It also says the salary satisfaction rates are lowest in the South and Midwest. Only 21 percent of teachers in those areas believe their pay is fair for the job they do, Downey quotes the survey.
In 2011, 77 percent of teachers believe their profession is respected. Now, only 46 percent of teachers believe that, Downey writes.
In short, teaching is a relatively low-paying profession that politicians love to pick on. There is already a teacher shortage, which could become acute if the pressure and restrictions on teachers continue.
Certainly, everyone wants parents actively involved in the school(s) their children attend. Some mostly inner-city teachers have seen a lack of parental involvement as a serious problem.
But, there is a difference between involvement and interference. Involvement means parents are supporting what teachers are doing, and encourage their children to vigorously participate in their education.
Interference means parents are standing in the way of teachers teaching truth to children. Few teachers will put up with that for a long time.
People go into teaching, and education in general, for the love of the job. They certainly don’t do it to enrich themselves. Yet, good teachers can play a significant role in making the world a better place by encouraging students to learn.
If the current milieu continues to chase away teachers from the profession, we may soon have schools that can’t educate students.
Those in authority over schools should not only know the difference between parental involvement and interference, but also the difference between educational improvement and educational destruction.
Teachers acutely know the difference and are voting with their feet.
Peter

THRILL OF TEACHING GONE? IF SO, WHAT WILL SCHOOLS DO?

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#teachers #schools #students #education
The thrill is gone.
So says Maureen Downey, education columnist for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, when talking about why teachers are leaving the profession in droves.
Certainly, teachers, in fact schools, are being asked to do more than just teach kids. They have to be a psychologist, cook and other things for children under their care.
Teacher pay is relatively low, and the responsibility keeps increasing.
On top of that, teachers are being used as political cudgels when parents protest the teaching of “critical race theory,” which is not taught in any K-12 environment.
Downey talked about all of this in her column published Nov. 23, 2021.
Many non-teachers have, over time, thought teachers had it pretty good. They made “decent” pay, and had great benefits, including three months off every year, the thinking went.
If teachers thought their pay was low, they could augment it during the summer and on extensive school breaks. In fact, many teachers had summer jobs, and worked in department stores over the Christmas holiday break to supplement their income.
At the same time, back then, parents had a good deal of respect for teachers. If a child’s teacher reported to parents that their child did something wrong in school, the parents almost automatically believed the teacher.
Today’s parents seem to have less respect for teachers. The parents, particularly those who’ve experienced hard economic times, see them as public employees who have economic protections many parents don’t have.
The teachers have become handy targets for abuse – much of which is unjustified.
Therefore, teachers are walking away in large numbers. They are looking at other opportunities that seem to be popping up. To them, teaching has become something they didn’t sign up for. Even the dedicated teachers who love what they do are becoming increasingly frustrated.
This begs a question: what will public education do to keep teachers in the fold? Many locales are reluctant to significantly increase school funding. In fact, many taxpayers want their schools to do even more, with even less than they get now.
We consider our teachers as essential workers. The pandemic made teaching children even more difficult.
School systems will have to reckon with these problems for the foreseeable future. How they attract and retain teachers will be a big part of that reckoning.
To parents who unfairly criticize teachers and schools, think of what it would be like without them.
Peter

YOUNG ADULTS DIFFER FROM THEIR PARENTS

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#YoungAdults #millennials #GenZ KidsAndParents
It’s not unusual for a younger generation to have different priorities from their parents’.

But usually most are optimistic.

Deloitte recently released its Global Millennial Survey of 13,416 millennials (born between 1983 and 1994) across 42 counties and 3,000 Gen Z respondents (born between 1995 and 2002) from 10 countries. Most are uneasy and pessimistic, according to an article Marie Patino wrote for Bloomberg. It was also published May 21, 2019, in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

The percentage of respondents who think that businesses are making a positive impact dropped from 61 percent in 2018 to 55 percent this year, the article says.

In other words, many of the kids don’t trust businesses.

Only about half of those in the two groups aspire to buy a house, the article says – something that likely was a high priority for their parents when they were young.

Only 52 percent of millennials surveyed said that earning a high salary was a top priority, the article says. It’s noble to want to have a higher purpose than just making money, and money doesn’t always buy happiness. But money can help one work through adversities in style.

Incidently, 56 percent of Gen Z’ers said earning a high salary was a priority, the article says.

In China and India, the article quotes the survey, Gen Z’ers were more optimistic about the future, while youth in major economic powers were pessimistic about the world and whether their place in it will improve, the article says.

It’s fairly easy to understand the pessimism. Perhaps the young folks have seen a parent, or someone they know well, forced out of a good job well ahead of retirement.

Perhaps they’ve come out of school with slim job prospects.

Perhaps they have witnessed atrocities, like school shootings, officer-involved shootings of unarmed people, or something else that triggers pessimism.

Certainly, older generations witnessed their share of bad news, but not nearly as much of the kinds of things the kids are seeing out there.

Regardless, there is still reason for optimism.

And, if you’re the kind of person who dreams of doing something great, for whom helping others is a high priority, there are many vehicles out there that can ultimately provide the resources to take some of those worries off one’s back, while enabling that person to pay it forward to others. To check out one of the best such vehicles, message me.

Certainly, there is much to be concerned about all over the world. Nearly everyone faces adversity at some point in life.

But bear in mind, if you are a young person who is pessimistic about the world, it’s OK to dream of a world you would like to see. It’s perfectly OK to dream of a very successful life for yourself, however you define that.

You have to be open, though, to perhaps doing something you may have never thought about, or considered doing. You have to be open to looking for, or at, something that could change your outlook on life. That something could be brought to you by someone you may not expect.

In today’s world, optimism sometimes requires effort. Don’t hesitate to put in that effort. You have the ability to improve your own lives. Go for it.

Peter

CHILD-CARE WORKERS IN DEMAND

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#ChildCare #Child-CareWorkers #ChildCareInDemand
They are using non-compete clauses, college tuition incentives and non-refundable wait-list fees.
Are these engineers or scientists? No, child-care workers.
There is a child-care workforce crisis – at least in Seattle, where Sally Ho based her article for the Associated Press. The article was also printed in the Sept. 9, 2018, edition of The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
The situation basically goes like this: the booming economy is encouraging child-care workers to leave their highly demanding, low-paying jobs for other positions.
And, at least in Seattle, the demand for child-care programs is booming, the article says.
What are the child-care providers doing? They are requiring and enforcing non-compete clauses for their workers. To raise money to increase salaries, they are requiring families to pay fees to get on a wait list, the article says.
Child-care workers in the U.S. make less than parking-lot attendants and dog walkers, the article quotes Marcy Whitebook, co-director of the University of California, Berkeley’s, Center for the Study of Child Care Employment.
“If you can’t get workers to do the job, then it’s hard to expand the supply. And when the economy is good, that’s when you need to expand the supply,” the article quotes Whitebook.
In 2017, there were 132,000 more children up to age 6 in Washington state who could use formal child-care arrangements, compared to the number of available child-care slots, the article quotes
Child Care Aware, and advocacy group.
Two-thirds of all children up to age 6 have parents who are both working. Some child-care centers are so popular in Seattle, New York and San Francisco that parents pay to get on waiting lists while still trying to conceive, the article quotes Whitebook.
Research show children who attend good preschools are better off as adults, with higher incomes and healthier lifestyles, the article says.
The obvious answer here is to make child-care work more desirable by increasing workers’ pay. But there’s a delicate economic reality: there’s only so much most parents will pay for child care. If the cost of child care is the same, or exceeds, one of the parent’s salaries, it makes no sense for that parent to work – at least economically.
When looking deeper, the solution for parents is for at least one parent to have more time flexibility, while still earning money. Time flexibility, plus money, equals choices for parents. If they WANT to send their child to a day-care facility or preschool, they can. If they want to keep them home until kindergarten, they can.
There are many vehicles out there that parents can utilize to build more time into the family, while still earning a potentially greater income than many W-2 jobs pay. To check out one of the best such vehicles, message me.
Meanwhile, if you are a child-care worker, particularly in an expensive urban area, and you like your job, know that you are in demand. Don’t hesitate to ask for a raise, if you believe you are not getting paid enough for what you do. Or, you, too, could use your non-working hours to supplement your income in a different way.
If you are parents, or parents-to-be, you may have to think outside the box to figure out how you are going to manage raising children with work. It may entail a whole new form of thinking on how the family can create time flexibility, with enough income to give that child (or children) the life they deserve.
If you now get paid only for time worked, imagine what you can do if you got paid by leveraging your time to give more of it to your family.
Peter

LIVES OF ORDER, BOREDOM

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#lifeisgood #UnchainTheElephant #findyourpassion

“I had been seduced into a life of little conviction – a logical, systematic existence. My best talents had been buried beneath well-intentioned, but ultimately lifeless rules, meant to hem me into the corporate fabric.”
Erik Wahl
Life is good.
It is. Really. But for some, a “good life” is not enough. They have been taught what a “good life” is, and they live by what they are taught. Yet, they long to do something else — something their parents, teachers, preachers and bosses would never advise them to do.
Erik Wahl, in his book “Unchain the Elephant: Reframe Your Thinking to Unleash Your Potential,” compares an elephant’s behavior in the wild, vs. an elephant’s behavior in captivity. He points out that elephants that are born in captivity are chained to trees and posts. When they test the chain, and realize they can’t go anywhere, they eventually learn that they are not supposed to go anywhere. As a result, the tether becomes unnecessary and the captors need not fear the elephant will take off.
Wahl was told at a young age by a teacher that art was not his strength. He quickly became conditioned to believe that he would never be an artist. Yet, eventually he became a well-known graphic artist – but only after he got good grades, played by the rules and had a great corporate career.
“I gave away my freedom at a young age,” Wahl says.
Many of us want to please our elders. They purport to know what is best for us. So, as children, we listen, obey and are guided to a “good life,” whether we like it or not. Our elders truly believe they are only after our best interest.
But what if adulthood comes, and we find that though life is “good,” something is missing. How many people can, like Wahl, reflect on that, THEN take the steps to unleash a passion. Without passion, we go through the motions of life. Those motions may lead us to good things, but it is like pedaling a stationary bike. You might be making progress toward good health, but you are not going anywhere. Life is so good where you are, you believe, there is no need to go anywhere?
We all learn to take pleasure in little things. We are told to stop and smell the roses, as the song goes, but not if it’s going to delay your next work project. Completing work projects gives you the money to make life “good.”
What if you could make money without completing such projects? What if money came to you while you were stopping to smell the roses?
What if you could pursue your passion without worrying about making a living? Believe it or not, there are many ways out there to do that. For one of the best, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. If you can be financially successful pursuing your passion, as Wahl and others have done, that’s a gift. But many need a financial cushion to give them the time to pursue a passion.
Are you a chained elephant? Are you an elephant without the chain, who has been taught never to escape? Is what you have learned about creating a good life enough for you? If so, your stamina is to be admired. If not, and have a passion you might not dare pursue, think about the chained – and tame, unchained – elephant. With instincts marginalized, it has everything it needs for a “good” life.
Go wild, if you dare. You just might find a great escape.
Peter

DON’T WORK TOO HARD?

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#workhard
We’ve all had friends who have, usually as they are leaving us, wishing us well and telling us not to work too hard.
Our parents, teachers, coaches and other mentors all tell us that hard work is required to get almost anything.
So why would our friends tell us not to work too hard?
Let’s forget for a minute work-life balance, and overwork-induced stress. Our friends don’t want us to work too hard because we might give our employers more than the employers are paying for.
Most good, conscientious people don’t want to be deliberately unproductive, or give less than they know they should. Most of them want to be as productive as they can be. Some will risk their physical and mental well-being to be so.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do things right, and pleasing your boss. But there should come a point at which one asks himself, who’s working for me? If I’m working for him or her, is he or she also working for me? If I am helping him or her get what HE or SHE wants, is he or she returning the favor?
Many people believe that they work for a paycheck. They get so busy doing that, they don’t even think about their own big picture. Sure, your boss might ask you in a performance review where you want to be in five years, 10 years etc. You give some pat answer, even if you KNOW you may not want to be in that place, doing what you are doing now, all those years later.
Even people who want to be doing something different in the future are so consumed by their circumstances that they not only can see no way out, but also they won’t even consider great alternatives that may be presented to them.
Those that do consider alternatives sometimes find great things that they never knew existed. To do that, one has to be willing to look. Serendipity is great when it happens, but, generally, one has to be willing to look for alternatives to find them.
If you believe your current situation needs to change, AND you are willing to see what might be out there to help you change it, visit www.bign.com/pbilodeau. Some may not find what they are looking for there, but others may find just the thing. You may also find not only that you can work hard for you, but others will work hard for YOU!
Polls show people dismayed, pessimistic and downright hostile to the future. But, when one looks at facts, rather than conjecture, he will likely find many good things out there to be had. He will also see that he can HAVE them by doing something a little different.
In short, don’t work too hard for someone else. Work hard for you! Very few others will work for you. Do what you need to do to make your situation better. Complaining requires energy that you need to do what you need to do.
You don’t have to abandon what you have, but you may need to have a different attitude about it. Good, hard workers in bad situations know that the situation is only temporary. They know that one day, what they want will be theirs.
Have a good mind-set about any task you perform. Always believe that the future not only can be bright, but you will make it so.
So, work hard, but have a reason, besides a paycheck, to do what you are doing. Take steps to get control of your future – control that no one but you can take away.
Peter